


it's not living if it's not with you

by kimchijeon (onacoldnight)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Jeon Wonwoo-centric, M/M, Mentions of Mental Illness, Might be triggering to some, Original Character(s), Slow Burn, engineering students, gyu smiles a lot beware, i mean it it's a slow burn, i think i see myself in wonwoo lol, i'm going to add more tags as the story progresses, mingyu is an angel, my 96 and 97 babies, nct jaehyun is here, push and pull, puzzle nerd wonwoo, to avoid spoilers, wonwoo overthinks a lot, wonwoo's internal conflicts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:35:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 64,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22210402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onacoldnight/pseuds/kimchijeon
Summary: before he entered the university, jeon wonwoo promises to himself that he's going to take his studies more seriously, no more troubles, and graduate on time. and that is if he ever manages to get away from the very annoying kim mingyu who doesn't know boundaries, and with too much time on his hands (and he smiles an awful lot, too)
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 34
Kudos: 184





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> \- welcome! it's my first time writing for the seventeen fandom, so i hope you enjoy!  
> \- there might be some grammatical or spelling errors, sorry in advance!  
> \- i got the title from the 1975's song (obviously) but the plot is not based on the song's message, i just thought the title fits minwon's dynamic here.

He remembers how disappointed his mother was that time. His father wouldn't even talk to him, and his brother could only give him soft pats on his back — like he was concerned — when he was actually just as disappointed as everyone else.

Flashbacks suddenly come up in his head when he finds his phone ringing. He still shudders just thinking about it. Wonwoo slides his thumb on his screen, answering the call. "Hello mom."

"Honey? Have you settled in your new apartment?" His mom asks, and even from the other line he knows that she's smiling. He's still happy that everything went back into place.

"Yeah, Soonyoung helped me." He replies, looking up at his friend who's now busy putting the groceries in the refrigerator his father bought for him as housewarming gift. "We just finished cleaning up. We're getting dinner after."

"Should I bring you side dishes tomorrow? Your doctor warned you about eating too much sodium."

Wonwoo winces. He just recovered from urinary tract infection two weeks ago, and even though he salivates over the cup noodles Soonyoung bought from the convenience store downstairs, he has to stop himself. He hates getting sick. It gets in the way of things. "My classes start tomorrow, mom. You can drop by if you want. I'll tell the reception."

"It's fine, we'll see each other soon. I love you!"

"I love you too. Thanks." He says, and ends the call after she reminds him to study very well.

Of course, he will study very well. It's the only thing he does very well. Before he entered the university, he promises to himself that he's going to take his studies more seriously, no more troubles, and graduate on time.

His mother was right. He shouldn't have wasted his brain by being friends with good-for-nothing kids. He's intelligent, but he took it for granted. He should've used it by thinking rationally. He should've listened to Soonyoung. Then he shouldn't be suffering from the consequences right now.

His first year in the university went by smoothly, his grades skyrocketed to the top, earning himself a scholarship with extra allowance. If he managed to avoid troubles — there was none, he got really good friends this time — on his first year, then he can do it on the next three years. Then his family will be more proud of him. He doesn't want them to regret giving him the second chance.

Wonwoo has changed for the better, and that's probably the best decision he has ever made in his entire life.

"It hasn't even started but I can tell by now that being third year sucks." Soonyoung says, just finished organizing the groceries. He loves taking care of Wonwoo, even if he tells him lots of times that he doesn't have to do it. "We have lots of laboratory classes this semester, that means more lab reports. More lab reports, meaning more word vomit. The only exciting about this is that we have robotics course."

"That means you'll be making robots?" Wonwoo asks. It seems interesting, judging from the excitement on his best friend's eyes. They have different majors, Soonyoung taking up electronics engineering while he's in the mechanical engineering department.

"I guess? But we saw the students from last year, they only did the circuits and stuff, not the whole assembly. But it's still a robot, remote controlled and all."

"That's cool." He says. He still hasn't looked for his timetable for this semester. He silently wishes his first class is a minor so it won't shock his brain from too much information early in the morning. "I still have some minors, but at least they're not as much as last year's."

"You'll get by. It won't be hard for you. You're too smart." Soonyoung chuckles. "Let's get kalguksu tonight! Your treat."

He grabs his phone and wallet from the counter and stands up. "Then let's go. I'm already hungry."

  
•••

  
Wonwoo enjoys puzzles. And as a kid, he never understood his classmates' hatred towards math. He also loves reading books. He has a library in his own apartment, and they had to use one pickup truck when they moved in his boxes full of books.

He's fifteen minutes early on his first class of the new semester — and lucky for him, it's for a minor. He's not that much interested in psychology, but he can survive. And since it's a minor, he sits down at the back, right in the middle. He sits at the front if it's a major course, because his professors use the whiteboard more often. He's sure that his psychology professor will just use powerpoint and they will be given modules for the lecture.

He takes out his crossword puzzle book he got from a local bookstore last night, and turns the page to the fourth puzzle. He was too excited that he answered three puzzles before he went to sleep. It's the perfect way to practice his English more, so he can take a proficiency exam as soon as possible.

This puzzle is a little difficult. There's a pop culture question, and something about sports that he's not familiar with. He usually resorts to Google when the question is too hard for him to answer, but earlier his phone decided to die just as he forgot his powerbank back at his apartment.

He hears a movement beside him, but he's too invested on his puzzle to even care on his new seatmate. He sighs, poking his temple with the end of his pen.

"Number 20 across, that's creme de cacao." Someone says, and Wonwoo suddenly looks up and finds a guy staring down at his crossword puzzle. He then spells the word, and looks back to him. "That's easy."

Wonwoo tries not to roll his eyes at that, and gives him a nod. He goes back to his puzzle, writes his seatmate's answer, and looks down to his watch. Where the hell is the professor by the way?

"Number 21 down, exeat." The same voice says again. Wonwoo squints at his seatmate, who is now holding up his phone in front of him, the screen showing his google search. He's grinning. "You were poking your pen too hard on that question you're already tearing it."

"Thanks, but I think can solve this by myself." He says, and looks around to see if there's any available seat, anywhere so this guy won't disturb him and his puzzle, but to his luck, no one from his classmates decided to be late on their first day too.

This seatmate seems like a trouble. And trouble is not included in Wonwoo's wide range of vocabulary. He's snickering beside Wonwoo, and the sound makes his ears burn in annoyance. He sighs in defeat, and closes his puzzle book shut and puts it inside his bag. He tries not to glance at the guy on his right, tapping his fingers on his desk to calm himself. He's not worth the bursting out. He shouldn't be even getting Wonwoo's attention. He will just find a new seat next meeting. Few minutes more, finally their professor arrived.

He introduces himself as Mr. Park, and he hates cheaters.

To add on his list of bad luck today, their professor announced that their seat will be their seat for the rest of the semester.

"I don't like changing seats. It's a waste of time to look around for you whenever I call your name." He says, stern, and doesn't look like he's up for a negotiation. Great, a very strict professor. Just exactly what he needs.

Mr. Park then starts calling up names for the attendance. It's getting boring — as always during first classes — and his eyes start to droop.

"Jeon Wonwoo."

Wonwoo quickly snaps his eyes open and raises his right hand, like he's actually paying attention. He hears a snort, and he clenches his fist before putting it down. His seatmate is getting on his nerves now; he doesn't even know him, and yet he's acting like they're goddamn close friends. Does this guy know him?

He's about to verbalize that question when his seatmate raises his own hand, then turns to look at him. Wonwoo notices the sly smile on his face, another thing that screams trouble.

He opens his mouth, his eyes still on Wonwoo's. "Kim Mingyu, present."

  
•••

  
Seokmin — the ever social butterfly — probably knows him.

"Kim Mingyu? I might've heard his name somewhere, but I don't know him." He says, munching on his chips, watching some series from Netflix he keeps on blabbing about for the past three days. Something about detectives in New York. He giggles. "What does he look like? Maybe I've seen him or met him but forgot his name."

He's not that hard to remember. "Tall? Taller than me. And handsome? I think."

"Wait." Seokmin pauses his binge-watching. "I think I knew him. Or met him. Is he taking up business administration? There's this really popular guy from their department and he sticks out like a sore thumb everytime I go there for my economics class."

"I don't know his major. I only know his name." Wonwoo says, his chin propped on his hands. First week of the semester is really boring. He wants to start the classes now so he gets something to do. At least the angels spared him and their psychology class was dismissed after the attendance. He quickly rushed out of the room and went to the library, and met Seokmin on their shared lunch break.

"Why are you even curious? You said he's annoying." Seokmin asks, a smirk slowly grows in his face. It's scares Wonwoo. "Unless you're interested in him?"

"Shut up. I just want to know if there's something I can do to make him stop bothering me. Without being rude." Wonwoo replies, making a face. "Should I just tell him straightforwardly? What do you think?"

"Why are you asking me? You're the type to be really rude without feeling guilty."

"Hey! That's mean." Wonwoo pouts. The others might see him as rude, but most of the time it was unintentional, because his brain-to-mouth filter malfunctioned, or sometimes he just didn't know what to say and said the first word that came up into mind. "I'm nice."

Seokmin chuckles at that. "You know that I'm just joking."

"Whatever."

"It won't be a problem for you, though. You're only sharing one class with him." Seokmin says, going back to his phone. "If he bothers you again, just tell him that you will never be in the mood to mess with him."

He's right. Sometimes he's jealous of how Seokmin solves a problem. And he hates himself for even considering this as a problem.

His phone suddenly vibrates, and Wonwoo fishes it out of his pocket to turn the alarm off. He takes his medicine box out of his bag's pocket, pops all the Monday's contents into his mouth. Seokmin watches him, smiling.

"What are you looking at?" He asks, after drinking a mouthful of water.

"I'm glad you're getting better." His friend says. "You're now completely different from the Wonwoo I met two years ago."

"Thanks for the compliment." He laughs, when flashbacks from his high school days with Seokmin enters his mind.

It's not bad memories, though. He also remembers the day of his graduation, his family was smiling at him when he marched up the stage and got his diploma. Soonyoung hugged him so tight and told him he's proud of him. Seokmin was jumping so high, tossing his hat in the air, screaming that he's finally graduated.

He remembers the fresh daffodils on his hands, with a card that says, "Here's to a new beginning."

  
•••

  
Finally, he gets something to do.

It's a research assignment for his advanced physics class, as a way to familiarize themselves for the upcoming lessons. The collective groans from his classmates earns a laugh from their professor, but doesn't do something about it.

He's at the library, a stack of physics books on the side of his four-chair table, occupying the whole space. He can count with his fingers the number of students inside the library, as it's still the first week of classes and no one bothers to go there unless they want a quiet place to sleep at. Wonwoo thinks he's the only one studying there. His space looks like the finals is coming.

There are hands on his shoulders, and he could've shrieked in shock if he didn't cover his mouth with his hands. He looks up and sees Junhui looking down at him, grinning.

"Hello my favorite junior! I found you. Looks like we have a tough week?" He says sarcastically, pats the stack of books on the table and sits on the chair across from him.

"The librarian could have kicked us out!" He mutters, kicking Junhui from under the table. "What are you doing here?"

Junhui reaches for his hand, giving him the most innocent smile he can muster. Wonwoo gets it. This friend needs help.

"Calculus?"

"You're the most intelligent and bestest friend I have in the whole wide world." Junhui says, taking out his notes from his bag. "It's differential equations, and it's been eating my brains out for the past hour. I really don't understand anything."

"Bestest is not a word." Wonwoo says, grabbing Junhui's notes that is pushed to his direction. Junhui is one of the seniors in his department, and a very nice friend, if he's being honest. Unlike those kids from high school who only took advantage of him back then, Junhui is way too different. Even if he always asks for Wonwoo's help when it comes to his studies, he doesn't take advantage of him. He's very attentive when he's teaching him, and shows him good results. He also listens to Wonwoo's ramblings at midnight, and also takes the pickles out of his McDonald's cheeseburger.

Junhui is one of his closest friends, but he's not going to admit it in front of him, it might inflate his ego.

"Junhui hyung?"

Wonwoo stops in the middle of checking Junhui's scrawly notes as soon as he hears the familiar voice, but be doesn't look up. He can't look up.

"Mingyu? What are you doing here in our library?" Junhui asks. Then the sound of chair scratching the floor makes Wonwoo want to curl on his seat. It's a small world after all, he wants to sing out loud.

"Our own library is crowded, I don't have anywhere to go." Mingyu says, peering up at him who's glaring holes on the notes. "Oh, Wonwoo-ssi?"

"You know Wonwoo?" Junhui asks.

"We're seatmates in our genpsych class." Mingyu answers it for him. "How do you know him?"

Why are these two talking about him like he's not literally in front of them?

"He's my junior."

"Ohhhh." Mingyu drawls out. "So you're from mechanical engineering department, Wonwoo-ssi?"

Wonwoo doesn't answer. Why would he answer? There will be follow-up questions if he did, and he will be forced to engage in a conversation with a person he doesn't like.

"You really can't talk to Wonwoo if he's in his element. This guy here," Junhui says, reaching out to pat Wonwoo's head, which the latter avoids a bit exaggeratingly. "is our department's math god. It's either he eats calculators to live, or he's Archimedes' lost son. Or both."

"Cool." Mingyu says. Wonwoo hasn't proceeded with Junhui's notes, he can't, as his focus gets lost in the middle of disliking Mingyu so much. "So it means he can help me with my business calculus?"

"I don't know. You ask him."

"This is complicated." Wonwoo suddenly says, closing the notebook with a slam. He forgets he's in a library. The two in front of him looks at him in shock. "I have to go home to check on my reference books."

He doesn't think so. The topic is way too basic for him. He just wants to get out, and away from Mingyu's scrutinizing gaze. Junhui scratches his head, and nods. "Okay. Text me, alright?"

"Yeah, I will." He says, gathering his things. "See you, Junhui."

He doesn't turn his head to acknowledge Mingyu, but at the corner of his eyes he sees him smiling at him. Does this guy's face not know other expressions besides smiling?

He can faintly hear Mingyu asking Junhui, "Is he always like that?"


	2. II

"So," Soonyoung starts, as Wonwoo lays flat on his stomach on his ugly green couch. It smells weird, too. "Kim Mingyu?"

Wonwoo turns his head, glares at Soonyoung sitting on the floor below him, then at Seokmin's face on one of the photos hanging on the wall. "Seokmin told you."

"You know that he's more loyal to me."

He makes a mental note to strangle Seokmin later. "Traitor."

"Do you want to tell me about him?" Soonyoung asks. "Seokmin said it's his first time to see you so interested in someone."

"I'm not interested. He's just a seatmate. Too annoying, he thinks we're close friends. And he also knows Junhui." He then tells his best friend about his first encounter with Mingyu, and what happened in the library. "It was embarrassing to walk out just like that."

Soonyoung just nods, and looks up at him. "Yeah, if you were to ask me, that was really embarrassing. But I think he's just flirting with you?"

It takes a moment for him to process what Soonyoung said, before he lifts his leg and kicks him hard on his shoulders he lurches forward. The latter yelps in pain but still laughing, rubbing his back. "What the fuck, Wonwoo. That hurts."

"Shut up." He says, and suddenly he feels the heat creeping up on his cheeks. He hides it from Soonyoung before he notices it and teases him even more. "Don't bring that up ever again."

There's silence after that. Wonwoo doesn't really think it's Mingyu flirting with him, because he knows flirting is done in a different way. He's watched too many chick flicks to know if someone is trying to flirt with you. Mingyu is just messing with him, maybe curious as to why he acts like this, why he looks at everyone like they're threats to his life or something. Yes, that's it. He's just wondering how can someone like Wonwoo live the boring life.

Soonyoung speaks again, this time soft. Nothing new to his ears. "You can tell him if he's making you uncomfortable, right?"

"I guess?" Wonwoo mumbles against the smelly couch. His face is not burning anymore when he looks at him again. "I guess I can do that."

"Don't think about it too much." Soonyoung says, his soft smile slowly turning into an evil smirk. "Now get out, Jihoon is coming home any time soon."

He scrunches his nose. "You two are disgusting. I feel bad for your ugly couch."

"I know. Jihoon is really disgustingly sweet." Soonyoung replies, his eyebrows wiggling. He exaggerates his shudders, sitting up quickly so he can grab his bag before he can even meet his best friend's boyfriend. "Bye, my friend! Call me when you get home!"

He still meets Jihoon stepping out in the elevator, and he blurts out a, "hello", "see you later" and "have fun" in one breath, and closes the elevator door before the other can even say a word.

  
•••

  
The classroom is almost empty when he arrives thirty minutes early. He woke up at five in the morning, and was unable to close his eyes again so he just decided to get up, go out for a morning jog which he doesn't really do very often, and prepare for class. He takes out his iPad from his bag and puts the bag down on the floor beside his seat. He can just go back to where he left off while waiting for the professor to arrive.

"You're early!" Someone pipes up, and Wonwoo doesn't even have to look up to see who it is. It's too early for that cheery tone. "What is it this time? Sudoku? Word search?"

"None of your business." He moves his iPad away from Mingyu's prying eyes. He's just reading an ebook about spending your money wisely. He bought it when it appeared on the flash sale, and has been really insightful. Once he's finished, he's going to redo his budgeting on his monthly allowances from the university.

When Mingyu doesn't respond, he goes back to his reading, not letting Mingyu see what he's actually doing, even if he has to turn his body to his direction. He decides to ignore him again — the best and the only way he can think of to push away people. But it's only quiet for a little while though, because Mingyu speaks up again. "Hey, Wonwoo-ssi. Do you —"

It's like an invisible switch on Wonwoo's mouth, the off switch to his malfunctioning brain-to-mouth filter. Probably because he can still hear Soonyoung teasing him on his head. "Don't you have anyone else to bother? You're making me uncomfortable."

Mingyu gapes at that, before he looks down at the paper bag he's holding. "Oh, I'm really sorry. I didn't know."

It's Wonwoo's turn to widen his eyes because in an instant Mingyu is pouting, his eyes blinking rapidly like he's holding back tears. No, no, no, no. He looks like a puppy — a really big one. He wants to melt right there on his seat. That's just unfair.

"I was just trying to ask you if you want some brownies. I'm friends with the barista and he gave me two." He continues, a small smile on his face, a completely different smile from those smiles he gave him last week. He's clearly playing tricks with him now. He's trying if this puppy-look strategy will work on him.

Unfortunately, Wonwoo is smarter. "You're bribing me so I can teach you calculus."

His seatmate laughs, waving his free hand right on his face. "No, god. I was just joking that time. I don't need help with calculus. Or any math at all. I'm doing okay with my classes."

"Then why are you doing this?"

"I don't know." he trails off, his hands slipping inside the paper bag and offering a brownie to him. When Wonwoo doesn't take it, he places it on his desk. He's hungry, but not too hungry that he's going to eat it in front of him. "I found you really cool when I saw you answering that crossword puzzle last week. I don't know anyone who has that patience to think for an answer; you could've Googled it but you were really insisting on answering it by yourself."

"My phone died so I couldn't Google." He replies, deadpan, and that elicits a breathy laughter from the other. Their professor arrives, and begins to set up his laptop and the room's projector. "And you were laughing at me that time."

"Because you were too cute."

And now that's flirting.

Wonwoo tries to fight the red on his neck, on his ears, and on his face, and also the urge to look at his seatmate. He pretends to listen to their professor, but he doesn't understand anything. This is trouble, he tells himself. He can't even focus on the study material right now. He can't even read the words on the slides even though he just got his eyeglasses adjusted.

He feels Mingyu lean closer to him, whispering, "I'm sorry, if I made you feel really uncomfortable."

Kim Mingyu is an impending doom, ready to turn him upside down again.

  
•••

  
Because he didn't take down notes he just picks up his bag from the floor and hugs his iPad closer to his chest as soon as their professor dismisses their class. The brownie is left untouched, and he doesn't glance at Mingyu when he rushes out of the room.

He's about to turn the corner when he hears his name being called, and he takes a deep breath before facing Mingyu. He puts his hand in front of him, stopping him on his tracks.

"Stay there. Don't follow me."

Mingyu blinks at him, his puppy eyes showing again. When will he stop this act? It makes him so damn confused. "Did I do something wrong? Did I make you uncomfortable again?"

"Just stay there." He says again, and the school bell ringing is telling him that he should really run to his next class. "Before I get a mental breakdown, stay there."

He feels so dumb saying that out loud, to a classmate he doesn't even know that much. He starts running to his next class, and sits down beside Junhui. It's an advanced class he took on a whim last week because he got the chance, and when he tells Junhui about it he screams at him, telling him he's the bestest junior ever.

"Did you run all the way here?" Junhui asks, taking the image of him panting. "You're really excited for this class, huh?"

"This is computer drafting class. I'm not excited." Wonwoo says while catching his breath. He puts his hand on his friend's shoulder for leverage. "That Mingyu."

"Mingyu? Why?"

"How did you know him?" He asks. He needs to know what's going on with that guy's mind before he can make a move to push him away. He's not doing any good on his restless thoughts, and yet he's only known him for less than two weeks.

"He's a family friend. My roommate too." Junhui replies, furrowing his eyebrows in concern. "Why? What did he do to you?"

"He's weird." He says. "Last week he was being too annoying, and just earlier in class he was still annoying but —" cute. He doesn't say it, doesn't know what word to use that won't put him on the hot seat. But if he's going to be honest with himself, that puppy eyes were indeed cute. "Nothing. He's really annoying."

"He's just like that." Junhui says, a sly smile on his face. "He wants to be your friend."

"No one wants to be my friend." Wonwoo mutters bitterly. He's already okay with his little friend circle, and he doesn't need to be reminded that once in his life it wasn't like that.

"Wrong." Junhui says. "Everyone wants to be your friend but you always push them away. I'm just a little more persistent, like Mingyu."

But Mingyu is different, really different from how Junhui squeezed himself in his life a year ago. He can't pinpoint out what makes him different, but he's certain of it.

  
•••

  
**96z + seokminnie (4)**

**won [18:34]**  
I'm going to the café near soonyoung's place first what do you guys want?

 **hosh [18:36]**  
!!!!!!!! i want hot cafe latte

 **hosh [18:37]**  
jhoon wants americano iced

 **seok [18:45]**  
iced americano pls

Wonwoo pushes the glass door to the café, and heads to the counter, his eyes still glued on his phone.

"Welcome! What can I get for you?"

He looks up to the menu, and gets himself earl grey tea, and, "One hot café latté, two iced americano. All extra large. Take away."

The barista punches the order on the screen, then asks for his name.

"Wonwoo."

He's about to give his card when the barista stares at him a bit longer to tell he's actually gawking, then on his side. He follows his line of sight and there, he sees Mingyu leaning on the counter. Wow, what a small world. So this is the barista who gave him two brownies; the one left untouched on his desk when he left the room last Monday.

Mingyu just gives him a tight-lipped smile, and turns away from him. It seems like he's in a bad mood, but that's none of his business, anyway. He looks back to the barista when he tells him the total, gives him his card. He takes the bell and walks to an unoccupied table, half expecting Mingyu to follow him.

But he doesn't.

He's still talking to the barista while the latter is preparing his order, and that actually makes him feel relieved. But the tight-lipped smile he gave Wonwoo is surprisingly weird and disturbing, making him anxious this time. What kind of act is he trying to pull this time?

Until his bell rings, Mingyu doesn't talk to him, even a simple 'hi'. The barista is giving him a wide smile, handing him his order, and says, "Thank you, come again, Wonwoo-ssi!"

His name is Minghao, when he looks at the nametag pinned on his apron. "Thank you."

Mingyu doesn't say goodbye, doesn't even look at him at least. Wonwoo can't help but roll his eyes, and exits the coffee shop without looking back. But that's what he actually wants, and he hopes Mingyu will continue doing that until they don't share the same classes anymore.

When he arrives at Soonyoung's house, Seokmin nudges him with his elbow.

"What?" He asks, sipping on his tea.

"You've been scowling since you arrived. Did something happen on the way?"

He's scowling? Since when? He doesn't even know.

"Nothing happened." He replies quietly, shrugging. "Must be the weather."

  
•••

  
Third week of the semester and the influx of class requirements almost drives every student mad. Wonwoo isn't one of them, because studying is all he can do right now. Anything that can occupy his mind is all he needs.

Mr. Park arrives five minutes early, grumbling about the students and their noise surrounding the hallways. Wonwoo notices that Mingyu is not yet on his side, the seats slowly filling up.

For the past two weeks, Mingyu had been really early, and like him he seems like he prioritizes studies over anything else (and also annoying him at any time he could get).

He gets to focus on the discussion though, and at one time he raises his hand to participate in the question and answer part of the lecture. Thirty minutes in and Mingyu is still not there, and it looks like he considered just ditching the class.

But when their professor turns around to face the whiteboard and write the details for their research project, he hears the chair being pulled back and when he looks up he sees Mingyu quietly fixes himself up on his seat. He looks very exhausted like he ran a marathon, his fringe matted on his forehead, and catching his breath.

Wonwoo looks down on the other's desk, and he realizes that because he's late, he doesn't get any module for today's lecture. At least Mr. Park doesn't notice him, or else he'd get reprimanded for being late without prior notice. And it looks like he doesn't know anyone from their class too, because he only talked to him in those two meetings before. So where would he get a copy of their module?

He unconsciously folds a dog ear on his own module, contemplating if he should give Mingyu a photocopy. He probably has a reason for being late, judging by the looks of it. He's staring straight at the whiteboard, quickly taking a photo of it before getting caught.

And why is Mingyu not even looking at him? Is he really ignoring him like he did at the café?

The rest of the discussion goes smoothly, and with too much thoughts of why Mingyu arrived late and why is he suddenly ignoring him he didn't even get to highlight the important points of the topic. That means he has to give it another extra time for his catching up later at night. He mentally groans; he still has to finish a problem set later.

Their professor dismisses the class, and when Mingyu is about to bolt out of the room without even sparing a glance at him, he finally gives up and calls him.

"Mingyu-ssi."

Mingyu looks shocked when he turns around to look at him, his eyes widening when he hands him his module.

"You can photocopy this." He says, grabbing the other's hand and gives him the papers. He doesn't even know why he did that. He just wants him to accept it but he wasn't moving. "You can give it to Junhui or you can return it next week. I don't mind."

That…that isn't what he initially planned. He still has catching up lessons to do later at night! How is he supposed to review them if he doesn't have the module?

"Oh, okay thanks." Mingyu mumbles, carefully slipping it on his messenger bag. He still doesn't look okay, as his hand sweeps his hair back like he's really, really tired.

"Are you okay?" He asks, and that is also not part of his plan. He should be walking out of the room on his own, because he still has a class with Junhui. He shouldn't be following Mingyu out like he's not even aware of the bell ringing on his ears.

"Yeah, just had a rough morning." Mingyu replies. "My bus got into a minor accident and we were held down for a while by the medics. It was really chaotic, but luckily no one got injured."

"I'm glad you're okay then." He says, almost clamping his mouth shut. He isn't supposed to say that. Mingyu shows him a little smile, and that makes him grip the straps of his backpack like his life depended on it. He keeps on saying things that he shouldn't be saying and it drives him insane.

"Thanks again for the module. I really didn't know who to ask since I don't know anyone in the class." Mingyu says; and deep inside Wonwoo feels disappointed that he didn't even consider asking him.

"You're welcome." He says. They're about to part ways when Mingyu calls him again. "Why?"

"Sorry if I made things uncomfortable for you." Mingyu says. He sounds sincere, and by the looks of it Wonwoo is going to throw all his first impressions of him out of the window soon. He's seeing him in a different light now. "I just want to be friends with you and acted like that. I didn't think I was being too much until you called me out last week."

"It's fine." He says, and he thinks he really is. Still, he's just being nice because Mingyu is Junhui's friend and he also feels a little guilty for whatever reason. Miraculously, his mouth stopped spewing nonsense. "I have to go now. My next class is about to start."

"Oh, right. See you later, Wonwoo-ssi." Mingyu waves his hand and he returns it with a nod. Then he runs when he thinks he's already out of his sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- i've already written 17k words for this fic, god how  
> \- little fact!!! i'm really comfortable writing about engineering students, coz i was an engineering student myself and graduated 3 years ago! it was really tough, i'm telling you lol  
> \- kudos and comments are really appreciated! ❤ thank you!!


	3. III

The library is full today, and after his shared lunch with Seokmin he messaged Soonyoung to ask his whereabouts. And here he is, sitting on a stool inside the electronics laboratory, finishing his plates with Soonyoung and Jihoon fighting over their experiment as his background noise.

"Trust me, Jihoon. This will work."

"Says someone who made the whole circuit explode earlier."

"Why did you even assign yourselves as partners if you're going to fight like this." Wonwoo retorts, chuckling when Jihoon scratches his head in frustration.

"Jihoon doesn't want to see me with someone else. He gets jealous easily." Soonyoung says, which earns him a loud smack on his shoulder from his boyfriend. "Seriously, Jihoon. If this doesn't work — or worse, explodes again — I'll be the little spoon tonight."

Wonwoo just watches as Jihoon's face morphs into disgust, but the blush on his face says it otherwise.

"I cannot believe you." Jihoon mutters, as he now punches on Soonyoung's arms like a punching bag. Soonyoung screams in pain, but still laughing because, 'my boyfriend is blushing!'

Wonwoo's phone on the table vibrates, and while his two friends are busy loving each other right in front of him he reads the new message.

 **jun** [13:43]  
wherr r u?

 **won** [13:43]  
electronix lab 2

 **jun** [13:45]  
alryt wait

Not too long after, Junhui opens the door to the lab, and he's not alone. Mingyu is standing behind him like he wants to hide, but his height forbids him to do so. Soonyoung and Jihoon stop tickling each other on the floor, pulling themselves up and pretending nothing is happening.

"Yo, Soonyoung and Jihoon!" Junhui raises his hand for a high-five, which they give him back. "You two are such a sight."

Wonwoo looks at Mingyu who detaches himself from Junhui's back and waves at him. They just saw each other from their class earlier. "Hi, Wonwoo-ssi."

He just smiles, looking back on his neglected plates. He still have five more problems to go.

"You know Wonwoo?" Soonyoung asks to Mingyu, and Wonwoo can hear the tease in his tone. He is suspecting something already, he's sure of that.

"He's my friend Mingyu," Junhui answers for him. "From finance. He's classmates with Wonwoo in psychology."

"Oh, so you're that Mingyu." Soonyoung says, and Wonwoo quickly snaps his head up to glare at him. But he's not flinching, he even introduces himself and Jihoon as his best friends — the audacity of this man to call himself as his best friend when he's embarrassing him like this. "What are you doing here, then?"

From the corner of his eye he sees Junhui nudging Mingyu. He then opens his bag and takes out a clear folder, and steps forward to hand it to him.

"Thanks again for your notes. I want to return it as soon as possible." He says shyly. There's a coo from someone and he's one hundred one percent sure it's from his ever supportive best friend Soonyoung. Jihoon looks like he's trying to hold back a laugh, another supportive friend.

"It's okay. Thanks." He says softly, accepts the module which is now filed carefully. It looks like he really tried his best to take care of his things and that's really admiring.

"I literally can see the hearts on Mingyu's eyes now." Junhui teases, and Mingyu quickly turns away from their view. Wonwoo blushes, hiding his face from his friends. Is it possible to vanish into thin air?

"I'm not — stop." Mingyu turns around to face them again. He holds on Junhui's arm to pull him away. "We're leaving now. Nice to meet you guys."

Junhui gives them a final wave as Mingyu drags him out of the laboratory, and Soonyoung laughs so hard he's probably going to pass out.

"I've never seen Wonwoo blush like this." Jihoon says, chuckling.

"Will you two just shut the fuck up." He groans and shoves the folder into his bag. "Shut up before I stab you both with pliers."

"It wasn't us, it was Junhui!" Soonyoung says, grabbing the pliers and any sharp object away from his grasp. "And it's obvious that Mingyu really likes you."

"You just made it more awkward." Wonwoo argues back. "He just wanted to return my notes. That's it. We're not friends."

"Come on, Wonwoo. He seems nice." Jihoon says. "And besides, you let him use your notes. It's already a progress if you ask me. You're slowly opening up because you know for yourself he's harmless."

Wonwoo shrugs. Mingyu is indeed harmless, but he's not opening up. It will take a while for him to open up to someone — sometimes he doesn't at all — Junhui doesn't even know about his life years ago, doesn't even know why he's in his second year when he should be accelerated — or their batchmate, at least — because of his intellect and hasn't gone to the military yet.

His friends go back to their lab experiment when they both know he's not going to talk anymore, and he decides he should just take a nap before his ugly thoughts invade his consciousness again.

  
•••

  
It has only been three months since he took possession of his father's six-year old black car when it starts acting up. He has no choice but to take the bus if he doesn't want to be late. He has more than enough money for a cab, but he thinks he's going to enjoy the bus ride more.

He's at the bus stop, and while waiting for his bus to arrive he calls his father.

"Hello? Wonwoo?" His father's voice is gruff on the other line. It seems like he just woke up.

"Hi dad. Good morning." He greets, and hears shuffling. "Can you give me the car mechanic's phone number? The car isn't starting."

"I've been telling you to let me buy you a new one." His dad chuckles. "Okay, I'll send you his business card. How are you going to class? Did you ask Soonyoung to drive you?"

"Soonyoung doesn't have morning classes today. He's probably sleeping right now." He replies. The bus is about to arrive any minute now. "I'm taking a bus."

"Oh, okay. Be safe, alright?" His father says, and they both hang up. He decides to just stand up, because people are starting to pile up and if he doesn't get up he might have to stand on his whole ride. He puts on his bluetooth earbuds and prepares as the bus gets nearer and nearer. He doesn't play any track on it but it's actually useful if he doesn't want to interact with people.

As he steps up into the bus and pays the fare, he catches a sight of a familiar figure sitting on a one-seater at the middle, beside the window. But before he can even turn around to avoid him, he has already seen him.

Mingyu waves his hand widely at him, and he looks so inviting that Wonwoo doesn't even know why his body is protesting against his brain. He approaches him and stands beside him, his hand on the vertical rail. Unfortunately, he has to stand on the whole ride.

"Wonwoo-ssi." Mingyu calls, but since he has his earbuds on, he pretends he doesn't hear him. But the other doesn't stop there, he pokes his arm that is resting on his side. He looks down, and he begins to point on his own ear. "Take them off."

There's no use of ignoring him, so he takes it out and asks him, "Why?"

"Do you want to sit here?" Mingyu pats on his lap with his two hands, and the mental image sends Wonwoo to the edge. His eyes widen; and when Mingyu realizes what he just said he shakes his head and waves his hand in front of his face. "No, no, no! I mean, I'm gonna stand up so you can take my seat."

"I'm fine." He mutters, feeling his face heat up. He should've just taken a cab and endure the whole ride with the old cab driver talking his ear off. But Mingyu just nods, and thankfully he doesn't push it.

"Why are you riding a bus, though?" Mingyu asks again. "I haven't seen you in this route before."

"My car broke down." He simply answers. "And I decided to ride a bus because it's cheaper."

He can afford living extravangantly, but he doesn't want to. He feels like he doesn't really deserve it. Having a fully-furnished apartment all by himself and an old car is already too much for him.

"Do you always take a bus going to uni?" Wonwoo asks, when he shouldn't have. He's clutching at the forgotten earbud on his hand and he might crush it if he wants to. Mingyu looks surprised with him initiating a conversation and a beam slowly appears on his face and Wonwoo thinks it's not a bad idea after all.

"Yeah, I do. Like you said, it's cheaper. And really convenient. I get to enjoy the view too, especially at night." He looks out the window, and Wonwoo gets the chance of seeing his handsome side profile.

Shit.

"The only annoying with bus rides is the heavy traffic and the crowded ones." He says, turning to look up at him. "Right, Wonwoo-ssi?"

Wonwoo nods, even though he doesn't experience those that much. Should he say anything next?

"You don't have to talk to me, you know." Mingyu says, smiling. "Junhui hyung says you really don't speak a lot. Sorry if I keep on engaging you in a conversation."

So maybe this is what makes him feel guilty. Mingyu is a really sincere and nice person, and Wonwoo's being an asshole who keeps on ignoring him and shutting him out when he's just innocently trying to be friends. He keeps on saying sorry even if it's not his fault that Wonwoo's like this. He's used to push people away from him that it doesn't affect him in any way, but when it comes to Mingyu it's difficult. He can't push him away without feeling so guilty for being a selfish and insensitive jerk.

Has Mingyu finally made its way into his life effortlessly?

Mingyu has been quiet on their way until they reach the university, and he tries himself not to gasp when he feels his body collide on his back as they go down the steps.

"I guess we have to part ways now." Mingyu says, as they reach the business administration building. Wonwoo's building is on the way back. "See you later, Wonwoo-ssi."

It takes a ton of courage and willpower into throwing his unnecessary thoughts out of his mind as he catches the other's wrist before he walks away; and when they both look down to their hands he drops it like he's been burned. He takes a deep breath. "I have something to tell you."

Mingyu just looks at him, face blank, waiting for his next words; and that stare is seriously going to melt him any second now if he doesn't start talking.

"Sorry." He mumbles nervously, and when Mingyu doesn't respond, he repeats it again, louder this time. "For being rude to you these past weeks."

"I was being pushy too." Mingyu says after a while of processing his words, smiling now. He probably doesn't expect him to say those words to him after all he did to him. "And I understand. Some people don't find it easy to make friends in an instant. You're no exception to that."

It's like his other way of saying Wonwoo's normal and there's nothing wrong with him and he shouldn't be worried at all. His chest suddenly feels lighter now, and he smiles back at him — a sincere one. "I'll try to be nicer to you."

"You better be." Mingyu says, pointing at his chest, right where his heart is. "It pains me here whenever you ignore me."

"Really?"

"Just slightly." He says. He then lifts his hand and places it on Wonwoo's shoulder to give him a pat. He should be worried about the sudden touch, but surprisingly he isn't freaking out. "But don't worry, it doesn't feel any pain now. It's happy."

Wonwoo looks down at his feet, shy and feeling a little dizzy for being free of his thoughts even for a short while. Mingyu is a large contributor to that. "Thank you, really."

Mingyu says good bye to him again since he has a class to go to; and Wonwoo can't take his eyes away from his back until he disappears into a corner. He walks into his own class, overwhelmed and a little scared, but relieved.

Contrary to his expectations, it doesn't feel weird to have a new friend like Mingyu.

  
•••

  
One step of making a new friend is joining them for lunch.

So when he spots Mingyu eating lunch with someone else at the back, he pulls Seokmin with him, the other grumbling why does he have to go at the far back when there are lots of empty tables around.

Seokmin stops grumbling when they stop in front of Mingyu and the café barista — Minghao — and says, "So someone I know was just saying weeks ago that he's trying to avoid trouble."

Mingyu looks confused at what Seokmin said, but smiles as soon as he turns to look at Wonwoo. "Hi, Wonwoo-ssi!"

"Can we share a table with you guys?" Wonwoo asks, that doesn't even need an answer as Mingyu tells them to sit down and introduces Minghao to them. He then introduces Seokmin to them. "This guy likes to talk about nonsense, so I'm apologizing in advance."

"Hey!" Seokmin pushes at Wonwoo's shoulder which he returns with much force that he almost falls from his chair.

Wonwoo laughs hard at that and when he realizes that they're also with other people he stops abruptly and blushes hard. Mingyu just looks at him with an amused grin.

Minghao seems like a good person too, as he easily gets into a conversation with Seokmin since they're sharing the same interest in music, and that leaves him with Mingyu just watching him eat.

"What?" He asks, the kimchi halfway into his mouth. "Is there something in my face?"

"No, nothing." Mingyu says. "I really didn't expect you showing up here and eat lunch with us."

"I didn't expect myself either." He replies, resuming on eating. He should've been fidgeting right now because someone is watching him eat, but with Mingyu he feels nothing. It's like when he accepted him as his friend, everything in him just went along with it. He's really wondering what magic Mingyu has that made him like this. "You should be thankful."

"Oh, I can never thank you more." Mingyu says, grinning as they banter over how Wonwoo is casually talking to him now. "I guess we're friends now? I succeeded?"

"You've already succeeded on the first day you met, Mingyu." Seokmin retorts; and Wonwoo stuffs meat into his mouth to stop him from speaking. That doesn't stop his friend from pushing him off the cliff, though. "He asked if I know someone named Kim Mingyu. And I told him he might be talking about the business ad's heartthrob."

"I'm not a heartthrob." Mingyu blushes at the comment. Wonwoo tries to fight his own blush on his cheeks by eating spoonfuls of rice. It's a bad idea to bring Seokmin and let him meet Mingyu. A really bad idea.

"He's gonna gloat right after this, I'm sure." Minghao says, chuckling.

"I don't gloat!"

"He was also asking me if I know someone named Jeon Wonwoo because it's his first time to see someone that cool in answering crossword puzzles." Minghao adds, and Wonwoo really wishes he can just turn into a puddle right now. But he recalls how Mingyu told him the same thing last week, and also how he looked like a sad puppy when he snapped at him.

"I really can't believe someone actually fell in love with your boring hobbies, Wonwoo hyung." Seokmin says, covering his mouth as he laughs because it's never a good sight. This friend hasn't done anything in favor of Wonwoo, and is more loyal to Soonyoung so he's going to make him regret it later.

Mingyu just hides his face in embarrassment with his empty plate, and he looks so cute that Wonwoo thinks there's really something wrong in his system because he keeps on associating adorable things with him. The only thing consistent about Mingyu is that he never stops messing with his head.

"Have you considered dropping friends, Wonwoo-ssi?" Mingyu asks all of a sudden, glaring at Minghao who isn't even fazed with that. Well, the glare doesn't look like a glare, in his opinion. That explains it.

"I'm seriously considering it now." Wonwoo says, rolling his eyes when Seokmin just gives him a toothy smile.

They finish their lunch and after that Minghao excuses himself because his class is about to start now.

"I'm afraid I have to leave too. I'm already late to my choir meeting." Seokmin says, picking up his bag and ruffling Wonwoo's hair. "Nice to meet you, Mingyu. Take care of Wonwoo hyung for me, alright?"

"Nice to meet you too, Seokmin!" Mingyu waves at him as Seokmin exits the cafeteria; and now it's the two of them alone, with the noise of plates and utensils and students joking around. Wonwoo excuses himself so he can take his medicine away from Mingyu's sight, and when he comes back the other is still there, waiting for him patiently.

"Do you have classes right after this?" Mingyu asks, which Wonwoo shakes his head in answer. It's still awkward, with all the teasing they got from their friends, but it doesn't seem enough for the both of them to run away from each other again. "Should we go somewhere? I don't have classes until two-thirty. You?"

"Two." He says and he stands up. Mingyu follows suit. Wonwoo doesn't even know what he's doing. Yes, he's trying his best to make friends with the other, but hanging out during their vacant hours? It doesn't make sense to him. Isn't it too fast? How can he hang out like this with someone he just met? How can he initiate a conversation without feeling awkward? Do they have same interests like Seokmin and Minghao have? It really, really doesn't make sense.

"Wonwoo-ssi?"

"Huh?" He's pulled away from his thoughts when Mingyu pokes his shoulder.

"Where do you want to go?" Mingyu asks and notes on his preoccupied face. "Or do you want me to leave you alone?"

"No! It's not that." Wonwoo says, and the smile on Mingyu's face is contagious. He wants to go to the library and study for his next class, but he doesn't want to leave Mingyu like this when he still has more than an hour to spare before his class. "I just don't know where to go."

"I got an idea." Mingyu says. "Do you want to see the architecture exhibit?"

Wonwoo's head perks up at that. "There's something like that?"

"Yeah, it's posted everywhere, Wonwoo-ssi." Mingyu says, eyebrows furrowed, like he can't believe Wonwoo walks to his class with his head bowed. "So, we should go then?"

"Sure, let's go."

It's a little exhibit from the architecture students, their miniature buildings vary from residential to skyscrapers. Wonwoo can't help but admire the designs, and also the students' hardwork and effort into making them. It looks like it took weeks for it to stand in front of them. He doesn't have the creative hands so he doesn't understand the complete process and he's really itching to ask them. But he's too shy to even say a word to them. He's not sure if they will appreciate someone who likes to ask lots of questions.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" He says in wonder, and looks up to Mingyu to see his reaction, but he's already staring at him, a smile on his face.

"Beautiful." Mingyu replies, still staring at him, in his voice just as deep as his that makes his heart race in full speed.

"Yeah, whatever." Wonwoo laughs airily, going back to the miniatures. He's not stupid not to know that it's a flirty response, but he doesn't have the heart to point it out. Maybe that's Mingyu's way of getting him comfortable with him. And it kind of works to him, though.

There are works inside glass boxes, complete with its landscape, and his curiosity is about to make him cry when Mingyu speaks up.

"How do you do this?" He asks, but it's not directed to him, but to the students manning the exhibit. Mingyu looks down at him that is currently leaning down to read the inscriptions. "You look like you're about to die with curiosity right now."

"Thanks." He says, thankful for his presence, and listens as the student explains the whole process. There's actually a store specifically for the architecture students — materials and equipment — and they did months of planning and getting advices from their professors until its execution. It wasn't an easy and smooth process, they said, as they spent sleepless nights for it to stand up right in front of them. They also show them the blueprints, taking it out from the canister and unrolling for them to see.

Wonwoo tells them a thank you at least for the explanation, and he pulls on Mingyu's sleeve so they can go to the other displayed figures at the back. Unfortunately they're not allowed to take photos, so next time he's going to bring Soonyoung and the others to see it before the exhibit ends. He really can't thank Mingyu enough for this; if he insisted on going to the library then he wouldn't be able to see this. Just how many exciting college events did he miss because he prefers some solitude?

"Thank you for bringing me here." He tells Mingyu, as they exit the exhibit. He's grinning from ear-to-ear, looking down at the small tower keychain he bought from the little store inside. He bought Mingyu one too, and now it hangs on the zipper of his bag. "I would've never known about this if you didn't."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it, Wonwoo-ssi." Mingyu says. "I can tell you next time if there are other exhibits like this."

"Thanks." He says, and suddenly he catches something in his ear. It has been bothering him a little ever since he decided to be friends with him (which was just hours ago, after the bus ride), so he's going to tell him about it now. "And you can call me hyung, you know. I'm about the same age as Junhui, so I'm sure I'm older than you."

"Really? I can?" Mingyu brights up at that; and Wonwoo doesn't regret a thing. He nods, smiling. "Thank you, Wonwoo hyung."

It sounds so nice to his ears. He wishes Mingyu can tell him that again one more time. But his class is about any minute now. He wishes again that his vacant hours extend, because it doesn't feel like more than hour has passed. "I have to go now. My building is so far away and if I don't run I'm going to be late."

"Sure, go ahead, don't mind me. I'm used at being alone like you." Mingyu says, pushing him a little, and jokingly. Wonwoo squints at him because of that and he laughs at that. "I'm just joking, oh my god. Go. I don't want you late for your class."

Mingyu thanks him again for the keychain before they part ways; and Wonwoo thinks he wants to see more of his newfound friend again. Suddenly he can't wait for Monday to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- comments and kudos are appreciated! thank youuuuu ❤


	4. IV

Wonwoo decides to call the car mechanic over the weekend, so that means he has to take the buses until Friday.

And also he doesn't know who works this hard for this coincidence to happen, as he spots Mingyu sitting at the back of the bus, his hands already waving him over. The bus is not crowded as he chose to go much earlier today, and Mingyu is able to put his bag on the seat beside him. He motions for him to sit beside him, removing his bag and placing it on his lap.

"Way too early morning classes?" He asks, as soon as Wonwoo sits down beside him.

"I have a quiz on my first class so I'm going to study in the library." He says. His bed would only pull him back if he decided to just study in his apartment. At least staying in the library won't make him doze off. He's one of those people who really can't sleep in a sitting position, their heads on the table. "I guess you have way too early morning classes."

"I have, unfortunately." Mingyu says, rubbing his eyes to emphasize that he still needs more sleep. "Who even gets up for a seven am class?"

"Aside from you and me?"

"Yeah, aside from you and me." Mingyu agrees. "It's not even your classes, you're just going to the library to study. I wish I have at least half of your determination and intelligence, hyung."

Wonwoo furrows his eyebrows. "You don't seem like you're failing any classes, though."

"I'm not, but I'm trying so hard not to." Mingyu says, chuckling. He pats down on his hair. "Finance is not an easy major. But I'm comfortable with it, I like it."

"If you need help, just tell me. I think I can help you with math, or I can help you study." Wonwoo says, turning his head to look at Mingyu, who's looking at the view outside.

"You don't have to do that, hyung. It's not like I asked you to be my friend so I can take advantage of you. And finance is so different from your major, I don't want to give you another thing to study just so you can help." Mingyu says. He smiles at his sincerity. "Thanks for the offer, though. But I think I can do it on my own."

Being rejected like this doesn't sound so bad for him. But he kind of wishes Mingyu accepted his offer. "If you say so. I can just give you study tips instead so you can balance your priorities and have better time management."

"That, I would accept that, gladly." Mingyu claps his hands, like an excited seal. "You're really heaven-sent, hyung."

"Stop the compliments, please." Wonwoo laughs, covering his mouth with his fist. Mingyu is making him blush again, and he's seriously questioning himself right now. "If you keep doing this, then I'm not going to help you."

"Okay, I'll keep quiet from now on. I don't want those study tips from a genius like you to be taken back."

"Mingyu." He warns again.

"Alright! No more!" He laughs, then makes a zipping motion on his mouth with his fingers.

Their conversation on the way to university is a lot more comfortable than any conversations Wonwoo had with others. He can't believe Mingyu can make him feel this way, can make him open up again, can make him build new friendships. And he's only known him for almost a month. Aside from Junhui, people who tried making friends with him — his classmates, mostly — gave up when they realized he's not worth their time. Junhui never stopped clinging to him, talking to him when they met ways, and calling him his bestest junior whenever he had the opportunity. And they became closer when Wonwoo volunteered to help him because he was about to cry when he couldn't understand a thing in integral calculus. At first it was a win-win situation, because he can get advanced lectures from Junhui, but their friendship grew stronger and that is all that matters to him.

But Junhui wasn't as fast as Mingyu. Junhui doesn't make his heart pound loud in his chest like Mingyu does. Junhui doesn't make him give in like this so easily like Mingyu does. And that makes him go crazy right now.

He doesn't let Mingyu notice that he's bothered, as he talks to him with much enthusiasm as he has whenever he's with his best friends. He tells him about his professor who keeps on telling his life story in the middle of lecture, his classmate who snores so loud whenever he falls asleep during physics class, and the laboratory assistant who keeps on ogling at Wonwoo and how she thinks he doesn't notice her. Mingyu laughs at his stories, telling him also about the weirdest people he encountered his whole life.

Why does time pass so fast whenever he's with Mingyu?

Mingyu waves him good bye and a, "see you later" as he enters the business ad building. He also wishes Wonwoo a good luck on his quiz, also realizes that he doesn't really need it because he's already intelligent. Wonwoo chuckles, and repeats his warning about no compliments. He waves at him back, and watches him — just like yesterday — as he disappears in the building.

  
•••

  
"Electronics engineering is so fucking hard." Jihoon mutters in his breath, burying his face on his book. "Why am i taking this up again?"

"Because you fell in love with Soonyoung hyung when you were in high school and followed whatever shit he's doing?"

Jihoon throws his pencil case to Seokmin, who barely dodges it. "Shut the fuck up, Seokmin. It just happened that Soonyoung and I have the same interests."

"You have to believe him before he makes you eat his pencils." Wonwoo says sarcastically. Jihoon glares at him, and he just offers him a peace sign.

Jihoon groans again, and puts his head Soonyoung's shoulder. Soonyoung pats his head with a sigh, grabbing his book and placing it on the coffee table. "Stop worrying for now, we have lots of time to study later on."

"Aww, young love." Seokmin puts his head on his hand, elbow on the table, watching the couple in their own world talking in their hushed voices. "How I wish I have a girlfriend right now."

"You have no admirers?" Wonwoo asks, now completely ignoring the boyfriends as he turns his attention to Seokmin. "You were quite famous in high school. You received confessions way more than the three of us combined."

"That's high school." Seokmin points out. "And we're not in Changwon anymore. People we know here are different. People we know back there also changed. We're all different now. That's why I don't have the impact on girls anymore."

"Man, you don't have to be that deep." Wonwoo says, chuckling. But he's right. First experiences in crushes, infatuations and love often happen in high school; and Wonwoo is familiar to that. "Someone might be secretly in love with you right now."

"I just wish for someone that will stay with me forever. So I guess I'm taking my time now." Seokmin pouts at him, then he points a shaky finger to the boyfriends. "And I wish she's with me right now so I don't have to painfully watch these two getting lovey-dovey right in front of my face."

"Wonwoo might find his significant other first before you." Soonyoung says, pointing at Wonwoo. "Oh no, he found one already. You lost, Seokminnie."

"What do you mean I found one? Who?" Wonwoo asks incredulously, crossing his arms on his chest. Seokmin snaps his fingers, like he finds something out. Wonwoo shoves him off. "I'm not even looking for someone."

"We're talking about Mingyu, duh." Jihoon says. "Who else?"

"Mingyu? Why are you bringing Mingyu in this conversation?" He asks again, can't even control himself from being defensive. He's not even hiding something from them, they are aware of his new friendship with Mingyu, so why does he have to act like this?

"Mingyu obviously has a crush on you." Seokmin says. "I saw how he looked at you when we had lunch."

"Stop planting things on my head." He mutters, shaking a finger on him. "He's just being nice and friendly, nothing else. You were only mistaking him."

Seokmin shrugs, jabbing his thumb at him as he asks the couple, "Do you guys believe Wonwoo hyung?"

"No."

"Nope."

Seokmin looks at him, smug grin on his face. "See?"

He raises his hands in defeat. He's heard Mingyu tell him flirty but short words, but it doesn't mean that he has a crush on him. He wants him to be comfortable. And people tend to exaggerate things, like his very helpful best friends. "If you don't believe me then I hate you guys."

Soonyoung says, "We love you too, our Wonwoo."

Making new friends is already difficult for Wonwoo. Getting into an intimate relationship is a lot more different and too difficult for him. He can't imagine himself with someone in a relationship like Soonyoung and Jihoon. He doesn't even think someone will love a person like Wonwoo that has lots of issues with himself. It's way better for him to be alone than to be a burden once again. He's already a burden to his family and best friends who know him too well, and he doesn't want to add another person who will eventually leave him once they realize how wrecked he is.

"Stop that." Soonyoung says, kicking the table to get his attention. "You're thinking again."

"It's your fault, guys." Wonwoo sulks, rolling his eyes at them. They just laugh at him again, and thankfully it ends at that. They only want the best for him, of course he understands that, but he already knows what is the best for him. He repeats, "I really hate you all."

  
•••

  
It's Friday, the last day he's going to take a bus going to and from university. He feels a little excited getting on the bus, ready to wave at Mingyu when he sees him.

But then, there are lots of buses in Seoul, and there's a very little chance that they meet again in one bus. Those two mornings they had were just a product of strange coincidence. He's already pushing it too far.

So he stands instead even though there are lots of seats available, grips on the handrail, and spends the whole ride quiet and a little disappointed.

  
•••

  
"It broke down last Wednesday?" The car mechanic asks, opening the hood of his car. Wonwoo is sitting on the driver's seat.

"Yeah." Wonwoo answers, scratching his head. His major focuses on machines, but he doesn't have a clue on what to do on his car, can't even distinguish car parts even though he's smart. Maybe he will learn it along the way, but right now he's going to leave it on the mechanic's hands.

He just watches the mechanic work with the engine, the man supplying him with some information and tips the next time his car won't start again.

"Your father really took care of this car." He says in the middle of his work, his hands dirty with oil. "And it's old enough to start acting up. You really have to learn a thing or two."

"Thank you for helping me, sir." Wonwoo says, and is about to ask something when his phone vibrates in his pocket. He excuses himself and answers the call. It's Soonyoung.

"Hey buddy, where are you?" Soonyoung asks from the other line. "I'm here in your apartment. You're not here."

"I'm here at the parking lot with the mechanic. My car broke down."

"Oh, I see. I'll wait here then. Bye." Soonyoung says, ending the call without letting Wonwoo ask what the hell is he doing in his apartment.

"You can try starting it now." The mechanic says after another half an hour, so he starts the car, and finally it works. He sighs in relief, sticking his head out of the window to thank the man. "You're welcome, Wonwoo-ssi."

He gives the mechanic more than what he asks for, and wishes him a safe trip home. He hurries back to his apartment, and sees Soonyoung chilling with his Netflix on.

"Your car's working now?" Soonyoung asks, munching on a bowl of popcorn. Wonwoo doesn't remember he has popcorn kernels on his cupboard. And just that look on his best friend's eyes he knows there's something wrong.

"You had a fight with Jihoon?" He asks back, plopping down on the couch beside him. He grabs a handful of popcorn and pops one in his mouth.

"Can't it be any other reason? Like I failed my statics quiz or something." Soonyoung says.

"If you failed your statics quiz then you should be going to Jihoon instead of sitting here on my couch."

"I failed my statics quiz and I had a fight with Jihoon." Soonyoung mumbles, his eyes still focused on the screen. It's an action movie and the sound of guns firing surrounds the whole living room.

"What happened?" He asks worriedly.

"He's been cranky. He snaps in the smallest of things." Soonyoung explains, then continues on his rambles on Jihoon's attitude these past few days. He turns to look at Wonwoo. "You don't have to give me advice. We both know you suck at that. Just let me stay here until everything calms down."

He nods and wraps an arm on Soonyoung's shoulders. His friend gives him a small smile, and goes back to their movie watching.

Wonwoo knows it's going to be alright for the both of them. He's known Soonyoung since their diaper days, and Jihoon since high school. He witnessed their first encounter in their first year in high school, how they developed feelings for each other, and their fights. This is nothing new to them and this isn't the worst fight they had; and he knows they love each other so much that they can't last long without talking it out.

When Soonyoung falls asleep on the couch later that night, he gets extra pillows and blankets and drapes it on him, watching him snuggling. His best friend took care of him on the lowest point of his life, and up until now he's making sure that Wonwoo is doing okay. He doesn't know how to repay him for everything he's done for him, and he thinks being there for him when he had a fight with his boyfriend is the only thing he can do for now.

He sends Jihoon a message, telling him Soonyoung's sleeping on his couch, and gets a reply a minute later.

**jihoon** [22:35]  
i know. tnx for taking care of him

**jihoon** [22:36]  
i'm sorry

He doesn't know why Jihoon's saying sorry to him but he doesn't dare to ask, and goes to his own room to sleep.

  
•••

  
The next morning Soonyoung jumps on the bed beside him that jolts him awake. He groans, smacking his best friend for disturbing his sleep.

"I'm leaving now. Jihoon called me and wants me to come home." He says, his face so bright unlike last night. "Thanks for letting me crash here last night. I bought you some heated lasagna from the convenience store."

"Go home." He says, covering his whole body with his blanket. "Don't forget to lock the door when you leave."

"Okay, we'll use protection, dad!" Soonyoung screams before closing his bedroom door shut. He removes the cover from his head when he senses that Soonyoung has already left his apartment. He's unable to close his eyes anymore but still thankful that his best friends are making up.

He pads his way to the kitchen, noticing the plastic bag from the convenience store. The lasagna is still hot, so he sits down on the stool and digs in. The clocks says ten-thirty, and decides he should treat himself to a nice lunch outside. Ever since he moved in to his new apartment he hasn't really gone out to search for restaurants and stores nearby. He thinks he can go out today and do his statistics problem sets later when he gets home.

Once he's finished eating and brushing his teeth, he hears a ring from his phone on the table. It's Junhui.

"Hello?"

"Wonwoo! Are you home?" Junhui asks.

"I was about to grab lunch outside. Why?"

"Mingyu here was nagging me to call you to ask something." Junhui replies; and Wonwoo remembers they're roommates. "He said it's about your research project in psychology. Do you have time?"

"Oh, okay. Let me talk to him." He says, looking up at the clock again. He guesses he still has time to accommodate Mingyu. He hasn't seen or heard from him since Thursday.

"I can't believe you two haven't exchanged phone numbers." Junhui says at the background, and after hearing some noises, he finally hears Mingyu.

"Hyung? Sorry for calling you. I just want to ask you something." He says, then tells him his inquiries about the research. While doing that, Wonwoo goes to his room and opens his notes, and helps him with the details. Mingyu thanks him after that, and suddenly an idea comes into his head.

"Have you eaten lunch?"

There's a quiet response from the other line, and Wonwoo thinks about taking it back. Mingyu might have eaten lunch already with Junhui, how dumb of him to not think of that. He's about to speak again when Mingyu cuts him off.

"I haven't eaten lunch yet." Mingyu says. Wonwoo feels his heart pounding again in his ears. "Do you want to eat lunch with me, hyung?"

Wonwoo smiles at that without even noticing it himself. "If it's alright with you. You can ask Junhui to go with us."

"I'm not hungry, Wonwoo!" Junhui shouts. Wonwoo realizes he's on loudspeaker on the other line. He blushes and covers his face even though there's no one to hide it from. He hears a noise at the background before Mingyu goes back to him.

"I guess we'll see each other later?" Mingyu says.

It's still early so he tells him he's going to find a place first then text him later the time and address. He also tells him to ask Junhui for his phone number and that there's no problem if he wants to ask something about their research project again.

He quickly jumps into the shower as soon as the call ended, and when he finishes dressing up (a simple sweater and washed jeans to deal with the start of autumn) he picks up his phone from the nightstand. There's message from an unknown number, and he's sure it's Mingyu. He saves the number in his contacts, slips his wallet on his back pocket and steps out of the house.

After walking down the streets, he finds an Asian restaurant that serves food for the health-conscious customers. He takes a photo of the front and sends it to Mingyu, asking for a confirmation.

**mingyu** [12:27]  
perfect! ive been there b4 ill be there in 10!!!

So he asks for a table for two, and is brought at the table beside the wooden windows. The ambience is homey, and the smell of lavender coming from the candle at the sill relaxes him.

Mingyu does arrive in less than ten minutes, and he doesn't even look like he took a lot of effort to get there.

"I live five blocks away." He answers when Wonwoo tells him about it, giving him a toothy smile when he sits down across from him.

"You're just five blocks away?" Wonwoo asks incredulously. Mingyu nods. "Do you know where I live?" He points at the tall building outside, covered by smaller houses in front. He noticed it while waiting for Mingyu to arrive. Mingyu follows his finger. "I live there."

Mingyu's mouth forms an O. "I know that place. I have friends who live there."

"I don't know we live near each other. But you always get on the bus first." He asks, because he always thought Mingyu lives farther from the university, like Soonyoung.

"Ah, that's because I visit the coffee shop where Minghao works. Their coffee is to die for. I can't function without them. So I ride the bus going there, then another bus going to the university." Mingyu answers, chuckling. He raises his hand to ask for the menu. Then he asks him if he's allergic to anything, which Wonwoo answers nothing but he doesn't like seafood. "Don't worry, I know what to order here. They're really good."

"So you mean even if you have seven in the morning classes you still get up way earlier just to have their coffee?" Wonwoo replies, finding the other really funny but cute in his own ways. Who even goes to a coffee shop that is out of his way just because he loves it? He can get the same coffee from a coffee shop that is near his place or the university. He waits for the other as he dictates their order. "Can't you just buy their coffee powder and make your own?"

"But Minghao's coffee making is really good that's why I really give it time before I go to uni. I swear, you should try it some time." He says enthusiatically. He props his chin on his palm, looking good with his hair being pushed back with his black beanie, showing his flawless forehead. With his smooth skin, he doesn't look like he's experienced stress before.

"I don't really drink coffee." Wonwoo says, and notices the other jutting out his lower lip.

God. Why?

"You don't like it?"

Wonwoo recalls his doctor saying to avoid caffeine as much as possible, but he doesn't tell Mingyu that. He doesn't need to know about it. "Yeah. I just don't like it."

"I see. It's not a bad thing if you don't like coffee. I'm sure you're not the only one in the world." Mingyu assures, and that makes him smile for his thoughtfulness.

The food Mingyu ordered for him tastes great, that he even asks for second serving to be brought home. Mingyu laughs at him; and he catches him mumbling 'cute' while tipping the bowl to his mouth to sip the broth. Wonwoo thinks likewise.

"I know a lot of places that serves food just as good as this, some even better." Mingyu whispers to him, leaning forward so he can only be heard by Wonwoo. "I'll bring you to them next time."

Next time. There's a next time. Wonwoo anticipates.

"I'm holding you to that."

After eating and a little catching up, Wonwoo asks for the bill. He should do that at least. He makes sure he receives the bill before Mingyu can get a hold of it. He takes his wallet out and slips in the black card. He forgets to bring cash and it's the only thing in his wallet as he doesn't have any other cards beside his driver's license, transportation card and a currently empty debit card where he gets the stipend from the university. Weird, but his parents said he deserves the best that's why they gave him the black card that he can use anytime he wants. He looks at Mingyu, and he notices his eyes widening at the scene unfolding in front of them.

"Uhm, let me pay you for that, hyung." Mingyu clears his throat, taking out his own wallet to get a few bills, which Wonwoo glares at.

"Don't." He warns, taking the black card back from the waiter. The offended expression on Mingyu's face softens him. "You can do that next time. Let me pay today."

"Then let me buy you a dessert." Mingyu huffs, but then he smiles after moments of silence. He tells him to stand up because he's going to bring him to an ice cream place. When they step inside, Mingyu blocks his way to the cashier and only lets him stare at the glass box where the ice cream flavors are shown. "Their pistachio is my favorite, but you can choose whatever you want."

"I'll get the pistachio." Wonwoo says. "With cherry and nuts on top."

"Copied." Mingyu turns to look at the cashier who's currently staring at him with interest. Wonwoo squints as he watches them interact, and he can't ignore the strange feeling in his chest. Sometimes it's annoying to have a drop dead gorgeous friend, right?

Mingyu pulls him into a table with only two chairs, and they try to be comfortable on the small table because they both have long legs. They share a laugh when it's no success and they just turn around to the side so they can sit properly.

"I'm sorry if I'm going to ask this, but you don't have to answer." Mingyu starts after a few minutes of eating their ice cream quietly and Wonwoo has an idea on what he's going to ask. It's about what happened earlier at the restaurant. "You're crazy rich, aren't you?"

Wonwoo shakes his head. "No, I'm not. Only my parents are rich. I can only consider myself rich if I'm doing something that lets me earn money."

Mingyu nods at that. "I was surprised, you know. I mean you don't easily get to see someone right in front of you showing a black card."

"Without my parents, I would've been only living off allowances the university is giving me for being under a scholarship."

"I'm not going to ask what your family's doing, that's out of the line. But," Mingyu sweeps off the remaining ice cream with his little spoon, then, "Are your friends, you know, scary rich like your parents?"

Wonwoo notes the awkwardness in Mingyu's tone. He laughs it off. "Only Soonyoung. He owns a penthouse near Minghao's coffee shop."

"Damn." Mingyu mutters. "You guys are something else."

Wonwoo hums. "It's still us, though. You don't have to treat us differently. It will make things really awkward."

"I know. It just shocked me, that's all."

Wonwoo doesn't know how long they stayed at the ice cream shop, and the workers there aren't kicking them out — well because Mingyu is a sight and they don't have any customers aside from kids with their friends or parents.

They part ways late in the afternoon, with Mingyu saying he has feasibility study to work with his groupmates. Wonwoo reluctantly waves him good bye; and Mingyu tells him, "See you tomorrow, Wonwoo hyung. I enjoyed your company a lot."

He almost forgets the problem sets he has to do and partially blames Mingyu for that. He smiles to himself while scratching off a wrong answer and starts a new computation. Mingyu really is doing something bad to his brain. And he's not even complaining.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- kudos and comments are really appreciated ~! thank you!!!!


	5. V

**mingyu** [20:56]  
[photo]

**mingyu** [20:57]  
hyung!!! i saw this cat outside & he reminded me of u

**mingyu** [20:57]  
he looks like u hyung!!!

**mingyu** [20:58]  
cute

**won** [21:01]  
…i don't look like a cat

**mingyu** [21:02]  
u r!!! dont even try to argue w me im just gonna win

**won** [21:04]  
whatever you say, kim mingyu

  
•••

  
"Hi hyung!" Mingyu greets him in their first class of the week, and he looks more refreshed and energetic.

"You're too happy for a Monday morning." Wonwoo says, his eyes still down on the puzzle he's answering. It's a word search, and there are too many words and you have to look for them in a 30 x 30 jumble of letters. He's already cross-eyed before Mingyu arrived. "I bet you got your coffee fix."

"Yeah, I did. And I brought you brownies." Mingyu says, pushing a box of brownies to his direction. He looks up to thank him and opens the box, taking a bite while relaxing his eyes. He remembers the brownie Mingyu gave him two weeks ago, if Mingyu took it before he ran to catch him, or left it for the next student to eat. Mingyu carefully takes the book from him. "Harry Potter word search? Wow, this is huge!"

"Have you read Harry Potter?" Wonwoo asks.

"I did! It's my favorite series, nothing compares to that." Mingyu smiles, glancing at him. Wonwoo's glad that they also have same interests. "Can I help you answer this?"

"Go ahead. You can do it yourself." He says, and watches as Mingyu bites his bottom lip as he takes Wonwoo's highlighter and starts looking for the words in the letter jungle. Mingyu looks so good concentrating like that; and Wonwoo wonders if he's even aware of that. He can make girls' hearts flutter by simply looking like that.

"This is hard." Mingyu laughs as he rubs his forehead, and the bell ringing signals for them to put the book back into Wonwoo's bag because Mr. Park is about to arrive. "How did you even find a word here? It feels like the letters are dancing in front of my eyes."

"We should continue this later, if you like." Wonwoo says, and the malfunctioning switch on his brain-to-mouth filter doesn't surprise him anymore.

Mingyu nods at that, tapping his fingers on the table, looking at him with a cute grin on his lips. "We have overlapping vacant hours right? That time we went to the exhibit? You remember?"

Mr. Park arrives, his usual greeting breaks their staring off.

"I remember." Wonwoo replies, turning around to watch their professor setting up his laptop and projector. There's nothing exciting watching Mr. Park struggle with technology, but it's better than staring at Mingyu beside him. He feels slight heat on his cheeks. "I'll bring the book on Wednesday."

  
•••

  
Wonwoo takes the elevator down to the parking area, his car key dangling on his index finger. His phone vibrates in his pocket, and he stops on his tracks to look at his new messages.

**mingyu** [7:35]  
[photo]

**mingyu** [7:36]  
got my morning coffee! gud morning to you hyung~

He smiles, staring at Mingyu's photo with the cup on his lips. He probably begged Minghao to take a photo of him.

He makes his way to his car, and upon seeing Mingyu's message, any time soon he's going to board the bus. He fights with his brain if he should just bring his car today or ditch it and ride the bus with the chance of meeting Mingyu there. For how many times he walks back and forth, he doesn't have any idea.

"Fuck it." He mutters, and decides to just slip his car key in the inside pocket of his bag. He's being stupid again, he knows that, but he really wants to get on the bus again. Yes, it might not be because of Mingyu, he might be missing the feel of riding a public transportation after so many years of using his family's car and his bicycle. Sometimes his thoughts like to confuse the hell out of him and he often talks to Mingyu nowadays; so his mind might've mixed them altogether and now he's mistaking his desire of riding the bus with wanting to see Mingyu. That's it.

He walks to the bus stop, looking up at the digital clock, and it's around the same time when he first rode the bus last Wednesday. The bus arrives few minutes later, and he lets the elders step up first before him.

Today is his lucky day.

Mingyu is looking outside, sitting on the same one-seater. He doesn't see Wonwoo, so he approaches him and stops just beside him.

Mingyu sees him on the reflection, and he turns to look at him, his eyes crinkling when he smiled. "Hyung! You're here?"

"Good morning to you too." Wonwoo greets. Mingyu tells him to put his bag down to his lap so he doesn't have to carry them on the way and hurt his back. "How's the coffee?"

Mingyu balances their bags on his lap. "As usual, it's really good. I didn't bring brownies, though. I thought you're going to use your car today."

"I didn't feel like using it." Wonwoo says. He's not lying, though. He just really wants to ride the bus.

They have a quiet ride today like last week — only breaks it when Mingyu points at the barbecue place where he tasted the best gopchang ever — until Wonwoo's phone vibrates again. Soonyoung's face lights up his screen.

"Wonwoo!" Soonyoung screams at the other line that he has to take his phone away from his ear. "Take me and Jihoon to uni today! Nuna took my car!"

Wonwoo looks down at Mingyu, who's staring up at him. With how Soonyoung screamed so loud on his ear, he probably heard it. "I'm on the bus today."

"Bus? But your car's okay now, why are you taking the bus?"

"Uh —" he stutters. Suddenly he can't tell Soonyoung his reasoning earlier. Will Soonyoung find it weird? A baseless reasoning? "We'll talk later, okay? Just take a cab."

"Wonwoo, you're not telling me something." Soonyoung says. "You're with someone, aren't you? You're with Mingyu right now?"

Wonwoo blanches, his hand gripping on the handrail. "How did you know?"

"Junhui. He said you've been meeting each other on the bus since your car broke down. And after I went home on Sunday, you two had a lunch date." Soonyoung replies teasingly. Here we go again. "Is there something going on between you two?"

"What? No!" He snaps, that makes Mingyu look at him worriedly. He shakes his head to assure him that nothing's wrong, just their friends talking behind their backs again. "Talk to you later, Soonyoung."

"Won—"

He ends the call with a hard press on the power button, instantly turning the phone off. He scowls, turning it on again. He's already fed up with his friends thinking his friendship with Mingyu is something else. He's just trying to be friendly, can't they let him rest just this once?

"Is there something wrong?" Mingyu asks. "You don't look good."

"Just Soonyoung being annoying in the morning." He answers dryly. "Don't worry about it."

Mingyu looks like he doesn't really believe him, but lets it go. "Okay."

  
•••

  
"Wonwoo!" There are arms around his neck, and he knows whose voice it is so he shrugs it off. Soonyoung doesn't budge though, still hugging him from behind. "I'm sorry!"

Soonyoung rocks him sideways, making them look like childish fools in the library. Wonwoo really can't stay angry for him that long, and the other knows his weaknesses. "Then you shouldn't have brought it up."

"I shouldn't have backed you into the corner like that while you were with Mingyu, I'm sorry." Soonyoung whispers. It's not what Wonwoo wants to hear. "Still doesn't change the fact that I like him for you."

"Let it go, Soonyoung. If you continue doing that whatever you guys are trying to do, I'm going to avoid Mingyu." Wonwoo says. He doesn't really mean it, but maybe he's going to be a lot more careful. Getting close to Mingyu in just a short time is already too much for him to handle, but he's nice and thoughtful — just everything about him is admirable. Wonwoo can't stop being friends with him. He doesn't want to see Mingyu's dejected face again.

"Don't do that. You're being too harsh." Soonyoung sits beside him, pouting. "And here I am thinking you're opening your heart to someone."

"Never in a thousand years." Wonwoo says, with finality. "I thought I've established that to you already."

"You can't really say something like it's final. You don't know what will happen in the future." Soonyoung pats on his arm gently. "I know you, Wonwoo."

Wonwoo squints at his best friend. "Do you really?"

He has the unfortunate opportunity to see his best friend's face turning stoic.

"What's with you, Wonwoo?" Soonyoung groans frustratingly, removing his hand from his arm. "You know what, we should stop. Nothing can get into that stubborn head of yours."

Soonyoung is obviously offended, taking him aback by the expression on his face. He stands up, leaving Wonwoo in the library without a word. Wonwoo buries his face on his book, wanting to scream but he can't. Soonyoung wanted to apologize, but Wonwoo just questioned his sincerity. He's absolutely the worst.

But what Wonwoo wants from his best friends is fairly simple: he just wants them to understand him and where he's coming from. They know what happened years ago, so they should be aware of how much it affected his behavior in the present. But he doesn't think they will do soon. Or maybe they will never at all.

  
•••

  
**jihoon** [16:48]  
soonyoung looks like he's abt to cry

**jihoon** [16:49]  
talk to him or i'm going to smash your heads 2gether

  
•••

  
"Chicken and beer on a school night? Wonwoo, really?" Jihoon says as soon as he opens the door and sees Wonwoo with a big box of chicken and a pack of beer on his hands. He takes the beer from him and lets him in.

"Where's Soonyoung?" He asks, and Jihoon answers with a point of his finger. Soonyoung is there, in front of a stove, the smell of ramyun boiling surrounding the whole kitchen. Soonyoung knows he's there, but doesn't acknowledge him. Seokmin appears out of nowhere. "What are you doing here?"

"Soonyoung hyung said he's plotting something against you so I went here." He says bemusedly.

"He doesn't mean it. I know him." Wonwoo rolls his eyes at him, and approaches his best friend. "Hey, you don't mean it, do you?"

Soonyoung turns the stove off, then turns to look at Wonwoo. "I mean it. You just don't know me."

He feels guilty all over again, and in this episode of Jeon Wonwoo Fucked Up, his best friend of twenty years is the new victim. "Don't be like that."

"What you said really hurt me, Wonwoo." Soonyoung says, leaning on the counter. The bags under his eyes mean he's tired of never ending school works, and Wonwoo doesn't want to add himself to his problems.

"I know, that's why I'm really sorry." Wonwoo says softly. "I was just exasperated when you guys kept on pushing me to have a romantic relationship. It's not easy for me to trust someone like that, it will never be."

Soonyoung's face seems to soften at that, but his lips are still in a tight line. "But you deserve to be happy. We all want that for you."

"But I am happy. I have my family and best friends. I'm getting good grades. I will get a job on my father's company after I graduate." He says, and pouts so he gets the message. "Please forgive me? I'm not used at you getting angry with me."

Soonyoung looks like he still wants to argue with him, but drops it with a sigh. "Okay. I forgive you."

Wonwoo smiles at that. Like Soonyoung with him, he also knows his weaknesses. "You still love me, right?"

"I have a boyfriend." Soonyoung says, his voice breaking at the last word, and all of them in the kitchen cracks up.

"As a brother, idiot." Wonwoo snorts, then pulling Soonyoung into a hug. "Love you, bud."

"Love you, too. Even if you're the most frustrating person I've ever met." Soonyoung says, patting his back gently.

Wonwoo pulls back, ruffling his best friends hair. "We should eat because the noodles doesn't look good now."

"Oh no, the noodles." Jihoon says, running to the stove and stirring the ramyun with his chopsticks. "I hate you two."

The ramyun still tastes delicious, and with chicken and beer they share dinner together, forgetting everything that happened for a while. At least Wonwoo finally reconciled with Soonyoung and that it didn't even take him an hour for that. He has never liked the image of his best friend frowning, and he hates himself for doing that to him.

Sometimes he wishes he isn't as complicated as he is right now, but it's not like he has a choice anyways.

  
•••

  
They meet again on Wednesday's lunch. It's just the same as last week, Wonwoo with Seokmin and Mingyu with Minghao. Seokmin is still on his noisy self, but he's being careful with joking around with Wonwoo. He doesn't join Minghao when the latter tells them that Mingyu looks so excited coming to the cafeteria earlier. Wonwoo gets embarrassed again, but it's nothing like how Mingyu's so red right now.

Then Minghao has to leave for his class and Seokmin needs to run for his choir meeting — he knows he doesn't have any choir meeting, he just needs a reason to leave Wonwoo with Mingyu — and Wonwoo takes out the word search book from his bag.

"Should we go to the gazebos?" Wonwoo asks Mingyu. "It's kinda noisy here."

Good thing there's an empty gazebo so they sit there, and Wonwoo flips the pages until he reaches the Harry Potter problem. Mingyu sits beside him, too close that their legs are touching. This is the closest distance they've been, and he tries so hard not to act awkwardly.

"Hyung." Mingyu starts, his index pointing on the list of words, counting the words Wonwoo found last Monday. "Let's make this a game."

"What game?" Wonwoo asks curiously. He's found thirty-three words, and there's still one hundred twenty-seven words remaining. It's a really big word search puzzle.

"The person who finds the least number of words owes the winner a favor." Mingyu explains, his eyebrows wiggling. "Deal?"

"Any favor?" Wonwoo stresses, and it actually scares him a bit. He doesn't really like owing people favors, if he can help it he will try to get himself out of it. "The loser has to do that favor no matter what happens?"

"No matter what happens." Mingyu clarifies, slamming his hand on the book for effect. "Even if it ruins one's dignity."

But Wonwoo thinks he's going to win. He's a puzzle expert, and he knows he can beat Mingyu in this. So he accepts the deal, holding his hand out for a handshake, Mingyu taking it with a smug smile on his face. Mingyu's hands are cold, just as cold as his.

Then Mingyu holds his hand up. "Wait hyung, I need to put something on."

Wonwoo peers to what the other is fishing out from his bag, then he notices him opening an eyeglasses case. "You wear eyeglasses too?"

He puts on the eyeglasses, and when he straightens up Wonwoo gets a better look and — wow. He admits to himself that he looks cuter in those specs. "This is nothing special, hyung. It's just that it feels unfair because you have four eyes."

"What?" Wonwoo laughs at that. "You really bought eyeglasses for this?"

"Ah no, sometimes I use this for fashion purposes. Minghao says I look the best with them." Mingyu adjusts the eyeglasses perched on his nose. "He's right, isn't he?"

Minghao is definitely right. But he's not allowed to say that. "You look okay."

"You're really no fun, hyung. By the way," Mingyu points at his eyes with his two fingers, then at Wonwoo's with a funny glare. "I can't wait to beat you with my four eyes, Jeon Wonwoo-ssi."

Wonwoo scoffs, returning the glare. "I'd like to see you try that with your two fake eyes, Kim Mingyu-ssi."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- what actually goes in wonu's mind everyday https://i.imgur.com/fijYhTE.jpg?fb  
> \- kudos and comments are appreciated!! thank u! <3


	6. VI

Just like he predicted, Wonwoo won (fifty-one to thirty-seven) ten minutes before his class starts.

They were using the same book, with Mingyu sitting on his left side because he's left-handed. The letter 'M' beside the highlighted words stands for Mingyu, and 'W' for Wonwoo. Mingyu actually found two words before him after the game started, but he quickly caught up until the other panicked and couldn't find words anymore.

Wonwoo tried so hard not to laugh when Mingyu messed up his hair in frustration, and gave up the eyeglasses in the middle of throwing a fit. He kept on muttering gibberish, probably a strategy to distract him from scanning the whole puzzle but funnily enough, it didn't really work. Another thing he learned about Kim Mingyu is that he's really competitive if he wants to. Just like him.

The game both gave them tired eyes and throbbing headaches, but it was really fun and it was worth it. Wonwoo never imagined that this can also be fun when played by two people. He likely wants to do it again.

"Now, you owe me a favor." He said, crossing his arms on his chest. They were in front of his building, Mingyu insisting to take him there. "I'm going to save it for later."

"What?" Mingyu replied, his hands on his chest as if he was taken aback by that. "You're scaring me so much right now, hyung."

"Oh god, don't be scared." He laughed, waving his hands at him. He couldn't think of a favor on the spot, so he will just tell him later when he thinks of one. "I'll see you later, yeah? I really had fun."

"Me too, hyung." Mingyu then smiled, waving at him back. "It's always fun whenever I'm with you."

  
•••

  
**mingyu** [13:42]  
hyung

**mingyu** [13:43]  
rmb u told me ure going to give me study tips

**mingyu** [13:44]  
coz i need them ryt nao

**mingyu** [13:44]  
imma cru

**mingyu** [13:45]  
**cry

Wonwoo looks for Mingyu's name on his contacts, and presses call. "Mingyu?"

"Hyung? I'm sorry, did I disturb you? It's just that —" Mingyu starts, his voice rough. "I have too much school works, I have a quiz on business calculus, a feasibility study, our research project in psychology, then some reading assignments for politics. I don't know what to do first. Everything's due this Monday."

"This Monday?" Wonwoo looks at the calendar on his desk. His problem sets and plates are already done, when he decided to pull an all-nighter last night. Today's Saturday and he is actually planning to visit his parents and Bohyuk for dinner tonight.

"Yeah."

He still has five hours before he prepares for the dinner. He can give Mingyu his time today to help him. "You know where I live, right? Meet me at the lobby."

"Hyung." Mingyu groans at the other line. "I told you I just need some advice. You really don't have to help me study."

"Just go to my place, and bring your materials." Wonwoo says again. "Please, you sound like you're going to break down sobbing any minute now."

There's a heavy sigh, then, "Okay, hyung. I'll be there in fifteen."

Mingyu texts him as soon as he arrives in the lobby, so he rushes to the elevator after making a quick sweep of his whole living area. Mingyu might not want to see a huge stack of books on the floor, crumpled sheets of paper lying around, and some clothes he forgot to bring to the laundromat. He also washed his face to remove some remaining sleep in his eyes, and combed his hair until it doesn't look like a bird's nest. It's an unexpected invite, and he knows he shouldn't have done it without thinking it over again, but Mingyu sounded really desperate for help.

Mingyu's hair is disheveled when he meets him there, backpack slung on his left shoulder. "Hi, hyung."

"You don't look good." He says, patting his arm before leading him to the elevator.

"I think I bothered you, I'm really sorry, hyung." Mingyu says. "I'm scared that I might depend on you next time."

"Don't worry, it's not like you're the only one I'm helping to study." He replies, pressing the 'P' button on the elevator. He tries to ignore the little gasp coming from Mingyu's mouth. "I have my friends, and Junhui too. Didn't he tell you that?"

"He told me that you help him with his math subjects, but your friends are also engineering students, so it's like you're studying together." Mingyu says.

"Do you know that Seokmin is a performing arts major?" Wonwoo turns to look at him. "Sometimes I help him with his role plays, I read scripts for him too."

Mingyu chuckles, rubbing his forehead with his hand. "It's like you're the real life Superman."

"Superman who helps his friends study? Sure I am." Wonwoo laughs along. The elevator reaches his floor, and tugs Mingyu by the sleeve of his bomber jacket.

"You didn't tell me you also own a penthouse." Mingyu says, looking around his apartment. It's really not a huge penthouse, just enough to have the essential rooms and the view he badly wanted.

"I thought it's a given." He says, letting Mingyu take off his shoes. It's really weird to see, that someone he disliked so much in the first week of the semester is now in his apartment, his shoes carefully put on the rack beside his.

"You know, if I don't know you better, your place looks like it's owned by a workaholic businessman." Mingyu says, noting at the minimalist interiors and Wonwoo's poor attempt in cleaning. "At least yours is better than Junhui hyung's. His room is a disaster zone."

Well it's because they have a family helper who goes to his apartment weekly to clean and leave some food for him to reheat in the microwave. But he doesn't mention that to Mingyu. That's embarrassing.

Mingyu sits on the floor in front of his coffee table and takes out his materials. It's nothing much like he presumes, but it's still difficult to prioritize things especially if the due date's on the day after tomorrow.

"Do you want anything?" Wonwoo asks, about to go to the kitchen to get some snacks for the both of them.

"Anything you have there is okay." Mingyu answers. "It's already a bother to go here without a day's notice."

"You're not a bother, Mingyu." Wonwoo says again, because he's really not. He wants him to know that, even if he has to do it repeatedly. "Feel at home."

He goes back with a tray of bottled orange juice and some chocolate chip cookies he bought last night in the bakery nearby. He sits beside Mingyu and looks at what the other is doing with his laptop.

"Now tell me the most important class, and the earliest due on Monday — ah, right. The research project in psychology is the earliest." He says, reading the word document Mingyu opened. He has only three pages, compared to his twenty pages.

"The calculus class is the most important for me." Mingyu replies shyly. It brings him back to the time he met him in the library, with Mingyu asking Junhui if he can help him with his business calculus; then saying it's just a joke when they met again in their psychology class.

Wonwoo nods, leaning closer to the screen and quickly reading to see what he can do to help him increase the number of pages or something. When he turns around to instruct something to him, he almost lets a gasp at the very short distance between them.

Mingyu is staring at him with those wide eyes; and if Wonwoo doesn't lean away, he's going to lose himself in them. Mingyu looks away then, and clears his throat. "Is it bad?"

What's bad? His eyes or his unfinished word document? Wonwoo shakes his head. "No, it isn't. You just need more resources so you can prove your point here."

His voice didn't break in the middle, and he's so grateful to the heavens for that. Now he thinks if bringing Mingyu to his aparment is a bad decision.

"I'm going to the library to get some books for you." Wonwoo says, standing up. He dusts some crumbs off his pants. "You should open your notes for calculus. We're focusing on those two today, then I'm going to leave the rest to you tonight."

"You have a library." Mingyu deadpans, looking up at him. "You're kidding."

"I'm not kidding, Mingyu. I really have a library here, but it's just a small room." Wonwoo chuckles. Finally the awkward atmosphere is lifted off their shoulders. He doesn't think he can stay for another five hours if they're going to be awkward with each other. "Now stay here. I'll be right back."

Wonwoo has to emphasize that. He doesn't want Mingyu following him to his library and seeing every books securely placed on the shelves. It would be like seeing every piece of him, letting him know the secrets he's been hiding ever since. And he's not ready for him to see that.

He locks the door of his library just to make sure, and approaches the shelf where the necessary books are located. He's known the location of every books in his room, having a directory on the table beside the door. His fingers glide on different spines, and he takes out every book Mingyu needs.

He comes back to the living area and sees Mingyu pressing hard on his scientific calculator. He snorts at the whine that comes out of the other's mouth when the answer from the calculator doesn't match the choices.

"Are we really going to need this once we have our jobs in the future?" Mingyu sighs, pointing at the mix of numbers and letters written on his graphing notebook.

"I don't think we will." Wonwoo answers honestly. "But they're linked to the classes we're actually going to need in the line of our job. This is just the basics, really."

"If this is basic, then what more on the advanced classes." Mingyu says, more to himself than Wonwoo. Then he looks at the old books Wonwoo placed on the table. "You really have these books?"

"Most of them came from my parents." Wonwoo says, shrugging. "Some were bought from an auction."

Mingyu can only stare at him in disbelief.

"Those things you wrote in the word document needs some more supporting, like I said. And I think these books can help you."

Mingyu picks up a book from the stack carefully. "I think I saw this book in the internet while I was researching. But it's for sale. I really can't spend money on a book I'm only going to use for a few months."

He's not wrong. It's true that you can find everything on the internet, like the books Wonwoo has, but some have a price. Some of them are inaccessible unless you subscribe to a monthly plan which every broke college student doesn't need, and some are just traps for computer viruses.

"It really sounds like I'm bragging." Wonwoo laughs, ashamed of what he's been saying. He hopes Mingyu doesn't mind that.

Mingyu shakes his head. "No, you're not bragging. It's like sharing a part of your life that no one apart from you knows."

Is he really doing that?

Fuck.

"We should start now." Wonwoo starts, trying to shake the thoughts of opening his whole life to Mingyu before he goes crazy. He takes Mingyu's notes, and scans them so he gets an idea on what he's going to teach him. He really needs this distraction right now. "I'm going to teach you only the basics and derivations so you don't have to memorize the formula."

It's no different from his calculus classes, only the application that separates them. So he draws illustrations for his better understanding; and Mingyu asks questions when he's confused, leaning much closer to his side so he can get a better look on the equations he's writing. He tries not to smell the sandalwood perfume he's wearing, and feel his breath fanning his ear and cheek.

He writes some questions for him to answer, and just like Junhui, he's a fast learner. He gets all the questions correct, and he's right about not failing any of his classes. He's smart in his own ways, and he's quick to adapt if he's deeply focused on it.

"I really can't help you with the research project, but you can take these books home." Wonwoo says, standing up so he can look for a bag to put the books in. Mingyu continues on typing on his laptop, and now he's six pages in. "Just promise me that you'll take care of them. I'm pretty sensitive when it comes to my books."

"I know." Mingyu smiles at him, watching him carefully slipping the books in a sturdy plastic bag. "You've really helped me lot, I can't thank you enough for this."

"About the reading assignment, how long is that?"

"One chapter." Mingyu says, setting his laptop aside and flipping his politics book. He took that class last semester, so he's familiar. "If there's a minor class that confuses the shit out of me, it's this. I really can't understand them."

"Is your politics professor Mr. Lee?" He asks, and Mingyu nods. "Then don't worry about him. He just wants you to read them so you're familiar when he tackles it. You don't have to spend so much time with it."

"God, one problem less." Mingyu sighs, knocking his forehead on the table. "I only have the feasibility study and —" he lifts his head, turning to look at him. "Wait hyung, you don't have to help me with it. I have groupmates."

Wonwoo nods, then, "I think you're okay now. If you're finished with psychology then you can send it to me so I can read them. Don't forget to review your calculus notes the night before. You still have one more day."

"Hyung, you're really heaven-sent." Mingyu covers his face with his hands. He looks so endearing in that. "Ah, I really can't do this without you. This is my first time having these requirements due in one day. It was easier last year."

"Glad I can be of help." Wonwoo looks up at the clock, which says five-forty. Time flies so fast when he's with Mingyu, and he doesn't know how that happened. "But I have dinner with my parents, so I really have to prepare now."

"Don't let me keep you, hyung. You've done more than enough." Mingyu says, saving his work and shutting off his laptop. He's also quick on putting back his things on his bag. He stands up, balancing the bags on his hands. "I have to go now."

"Okay." Wonwoo takes him to the door, watching him put on his shoes. When Mingyu straightens up, he spreads his arms and steps closer to him.

And on instinct, Wonwoo steps back. He thinks he sees the flash of hurt in the other's eyes, but he quickly masks it with a smile. It's just too fast, like Mingyu's used to this treatment coming from him; and he feels like he's punched to the gut. "Sorry, hyung. Uh — I'm leaving. Thanks again."

Mingyu closes the door quietly after saying all of that in one breath; and Wonwoo can only glare holes at the door, now feeling the pang on his chest intensify in each passing second.

  
•••

  
Wonwoo didn't receive anything from Mingyu over the weekend. He couldn't help but feel awful at what he did, Mingyu probably just wanted a friendly hug, just a hug to thank him for everything he did for him. But he was stupid enough — too occupied of the things that ran into his mind while he was talking to him — to think that it was for something else, so he stepped back and rejected him. He couldn't think straight after that he only gave short answers when his father asked him about his studies, how his friends are doing, and if he's taking his medicine regularly.

His mother probed if he's okay, because he looked like he's not in the mood. He just shook his head, telling her that he just pulled an all-nighter and needed some sleep. She sighed, forcing him to sleep on his room tonight so she could take care of him. He didn't have the strength anymore to stop her, and felt terrible again for burdening them again with his unstoppable thoughts.

He's sitting on their psychology class, ten minutes early, and too nervous on what he's going to do once Mingyu arrives and sits beside him.

But it seems like he doesn't need to make an effort in doing anything because as soon as Mingyu sits on the chair beside him, he greets him cheerfully.

"Hi, hyung! Did you sleep well?" Mingyu asks, handing him a paper bag coming from Minghao's café. "I bought you some brownies again."

"Thanks." He mumbles, accepting the bag from him. He loves them, being a fan of chocolate himself. "How's the research project?"

"I think it's good, I made it into sixteen pages. Minghao read it and said I can at least get an A minus." He says, taking out the clear sliding folder with his research project in it. His name is written in a huge font below the research title. "Your books really made wonders. Thank you so much, hyung."

_'Why didn't you let me read your work?'_ Wonwoo wants to ask, but he can't. It might sound like he's clingy. But he's disappointed, he's not going to deny that, at least to himself. "Good for you, then. I'm really proud of you."

It's quiet between them for a few moments, with Wonwoo eating the brownies and Mingyu tapping his fingers lazily on his desk. Then he breaks it when he speaks up. "By the way, hyung."

"Hmm?"

"Are you free tonight?" Mingyu asks again. "I want to treat you for a dinner because you helped me last Saturday." He smiles, placing his chin on his arms on the desk. "I'm really confident with today's outcome. And that's because of you."

Wonwoo fights the blush creeping up his cheeks, then simply nods. "Okay."

"Great. I also told you I'm going to show you some good restaurants, right? I've already have something in my mind." He says, and that bright smile on his face makes Wonwoo think again of what happened the last time they saw each other. "Should we meet at your apartment's lobby?"

"Okay." He replies again. He can't say anything apart from that, because his thoughts start clouding his mind. Was he reading on it too much? Did he read the hurt on Mingyu's eyes that night wrong? Mingyu still talks to him and wants to treat him dinner like nothing happened, and that it's only him who made it a huge deal.

They're interrupted by Mr. Park arriving to their classroom. He tells them to submit the research project, and that he will not accept students who will pass it after the class. Mingyu holds out his hand to him, asking for his papers so he can pass it to Mr. Park. Wonwoo can only watch as the other puts his folder on top of his, and approaches their professor's table.

Wonwoo feels helpless. He said to himself before that he's going to avoid trouble. But hypocritically, as he looks at Mingyu walk to his seat with a goofy grin on his face, that he's actually asking for it right now.

  
•••

  
**mingyu** [18:44]  
hyung i'm at the lobby, i brought your books too

**wonwoo** [18:46]  
you can go up here

His doorbell rings not too long after, Wonwoo rushing from fixing his hair up in the mirror to the door to open it for Mingyu. The younger told him to wear something nice because he's going to bring him to a fine dining restaurant near the university.

He doesn't think that it looks like a date. He swears.

Mingyu looks good, just as prepared as Wonwoo. He's wearing a gray turtleneck under his knee-length black coat, and tight-fitting black pants. They almost have the same attire, but Wonwoo's wearing a black button-down underneath the coat.

"You look nice, hyung." Mingyu says, then lifts the paper bag he's holding. "Here are your books."

"Thanks for taking care of them." Wonwoo replies, putting down the bag beside the shoe rack. "Should we go?"

"Yeah. Let's go."

Wonwoo holds up his hand at him, making a round of checking his appliances if they are plugged out, then joins Mingyu outside.

They opt on riding the buses, because Mingyu said they're going to drink wine and you can never drive even if you only had a sip, which is correct. He's really lucky Mingyu is a law-abiding citizen.

They're sitting at the back, with Mingyu story-telling about his day. He's going to ace the calculus quiz, and their professor said the feasibility study is promising.

"You helped me big time, that's why I'm treating you dinner to somewhere big time too." He's smiling when he says that; and Wonwoo avoids the eye contact. He's just goddamn handsome, fuck.

Mingyu doesn't look like he's broke, but he's not like Wonwoo and Soonyoung who can splurge on a one-night Michelin three-star dinner. He can't ask him if it's okay to empty his wallet like that, because Mingyu might get offended. And Mingyu will be angry if he tries to split the bill.

Mingyu brings him to a restaurant just a few blocks away from the university, and it looks like he's familiar with the receptionist as she doesn't ask for his name, gives Wonwoo a side glance, smirks, points upwards and says, "the one with the reserved tag."

So they take the stairs to the second floor, which is actually a roof deck. Mingyu guides him to the table near the swing; and when he looks around, he notices that only two tables are occupied, there are fairy lights surrounding the place, and a stool on a wooden platform that looks like it's used for performances.

"Hey." Mingyu starts, sitting across him. Wonwoo didn't hear him though, as he's gaping on the sight in front of him. It's really beautiful. The sky looks clear, making the stars more visible tonight. "Wonwoo hyung, hey."

"Huh?"

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Mingyu looks at him, smiling, his eyes twinkling like the stars in the night sky.

"Yeah, beautiful." He replies, returning the gaze. Really beautiful, no doubt. "I mean the place. The place is beautiful. How did you find this out?"

"It's actually a secret but I can tell you." Mingyu says, leans forward and whispers, "The girl at the reception is my cousin Yeonjung. My aunt owns this restaurant."

"Oh." Wonwoo can only say, as their food arrives in record time. If this is Mingyu's aunt's restaurant then that means Mingyu doesn't have to spend that much on their dinner. He sighs inwardly, because this place looks really expensive and he can't order something that will reduce a significant amount in his savings, only because he owes him something. "That's fast."

"I placed an order before I went to your place." Mingyu says. "I hope you're okay with them."

It's a five-course meal, just like the meal he had with his parents last Saturday, but this one is better. Probably because of the view, or Mingyu's company. He compliments everything — the food, the environment, the singer with his guitar on the platform — with Mingyu saying he's going to relay those kind words to his aunt.

"You said it's a secret." Wonwoo starts, in the middle of having their dessert. "Do your other friends know this?"

"Junhui hyung knows. He goes here often because he likes Yeonjung." He answers. "And Minghao too. He goes here for the wine."

Wonwoo nods, then turns to watch the duet performing. They look like a couple by the look of their eyes. It feels like they're intruding something.

"Hyung." Mingyu calls out. "I really want to tell you something."

These words always push the anxiety buttons in his head. Especially when the person who says it takes it back. "What?"

"Uh." Mingyu looks down, avoiding his eyes. "It's just that I feel like I really don't know anything about you, even though you've already told me things before."

Wonwoo can only stare at him in disbelief.

"Don't misunderstand me, hyung. I'm not forcing you to talk about your whole life story to me or something." Mingyu adds; and Wonwoo can sense the panic in his voice. "I just want that out of my chest. Nothing more. Sorry for ruining the mood."

Wonwoo puts down his spoon, sighing. He understands. He completely understands that. Because sometimes, he also feels like he doesn't know himself. He's changed a lot for the past three years, and whenever he looks at the photos of him and Soonyoung in their middle school years, he feels like it's not him who was beaming widely beside his best friend. It feels like he's looking at an entirely different person. "It's okay. It makes me guilty sometimes because I'm a hard one to crack. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to say sorry, hyung. It's a part of yourself, and I was fully aware of that when I tried befriending you." Mingyu confesses. "I don't want to sound so needy. Just take your time, we'll get there."

Sometimes, Wonwoo hates how Mingyu always shrugs it off and insists that there's nothing wrong with him. He hates that he always understands, that he always cut him some slack even if he's lacking all the time, that he doesn't need to say sorry for being who he is.

He's quiet the entire time on the way home, pretending that he's a little tipsy with the wine he drank earlier. He has high alcohol tolerance, it's just that he doesn't want to talk to Mingyu right now because he feels like shit. Mingyu pats his knee gently, whispering to his ear that he can sleep and he will just wake him up when they reach their stop. So he closes his eyes, but then he feels the other's hand pushing his head down to his shoulder.

And now, he feels ten times worse.

When Mingyu walks him to his place with a steady hand on his back, Wonwoo tries to distract himself by looking up at the numbers on the elevator. He feels like the elevator's getting slower and slower, and he just wants to jump out of the constricting box and disappear forever.

When Mingyu stops in front of his door — his hands in his pockets, nervous, looking for something to say before they separate tonight — Wonwoo takes a deep breath, and finally decides to do the jump.

Sometimes, he hates how Mingyu makes him want to do things unimaginable.

He pulls Mingyu into a hug, tight and awkward. This is all he can do for him right now. "Thank you. For the dinner. And for understanding me even though I'm the worst friend ever."

"You're not the worst friend ever, if I'm being honest right now." Mingyu says, his arms slowly circling his waist. Wonwoo feels the rapid beat of his heart — or maybe that's his. He doesn't know anymore. "Just seeing your real smile is already worth it."

Wonwoo really, really wants to fucking cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- kudos and comments are appreciated! thank u <3


	7. VII

After the hug, Wonwoo mumbled a good bye, then punched the code to his door with trembling fingers. He just wants Mingyu to never bring it up or else he will never live with the embarrassment.

He was disappointed though, come Wednesday, when he went to the cafeteria with Seokmin and Mingyu wasn't there, even Minghao. Mingyu didn't even send him a text that he wouldn't be able to join him for lunch.

"You look sad, hyung." Seokmin pointed out, and he could only glare at him before sitting on the nearest table. Yeah, he was sad, but he would never admit it to him. It would be better than having the other tease him again to no end.

Today's a typical Saturday, with more school works as exams approach, and Wonwoo tries to use some of his remaining free time before he buries himself with his books and notes. So he goes to Soonyoung and Jihoon's place to hang out for the night, then tomorrow he's heading to Changwon with Seokmin.

And also, he hasn't seen Mingyu since that night. He hasn't received any texts either.

It's not like he's counting the number of days that they didn't talk, it's just that the lack of his presence is worrying him a little.

So he enters the coffee shop Minghao works at, just in case he spots Mingyu there. But he sees more than that.

Mingyu is there on the table, with two of his best friends, laughing over something Mingyu just said. He closes his eyes, opens it again, but they're still there. He can hear Soonyoung's whale laugh. His eyes are not messing with him. Mingyu's with his best friends.

It's Jihoon who sees him. "Wonwoo!"

That's when Mingyu turns around and when they meet eyes, the other's lips grow into a smile, eyes crinkling up, and god — Wonwoo kind of misses seeing him like that.

He approaches them and sits on the chair beside Mingyu. He asks his best friends, "What are you doing here?"

"We live near here, remember?" Soonyoung says, sipping on his bubble tea without a care. "I should be the one asking you that. What are you doing here?"

"I'm going to your place, remember?"

"Then you should be at my apartment right now, not here." Soonyoung replies, his eyebrow raising and a smirk on his face. He's really pushing it.

Wonwoo is close to kicking him on his shin right now. Jihoon isn't even helping at all; and Mingyu just looks at him, then to Soonyoung, then back to him. "I went here to buy a drink and brownies. Happy?"

Soonyoung's about to retort when Minghao appears at their back, clapping Mingyu on his shoulder. He looks like he just finished his shift. "Hey Gyu, let's go."

Mingyu looks down at his watch, and says, "Right. The movie's about to start. Sorry guys, but we have to go. Bye Soonyoungie hyung, Jihoonie hyung." Then hands on his shoulders, "Bye Wonwoo hyung, see you on Monday."

Minghao just waves at them which Wonwoo only gives a single nod. His eyes follow them exit the coffee shop, watching Mingyu wrap his arm around Minghao's shoulders as they walk.

He hears a cough, with the word 'jealous' in the middle that is cleary audible, then Soonyoung clears his throat. He rolls his eyes at him, and remembers that Mingyu was just talking to them so casually earlier. And without him knowing, on top of that. "Soonyoungie hyung, Jihoonie hyung, huh? Since when?"

Jihoon shrugs. "I don't really remember. Mingyu's always here whenever we visit so we get to talk. Sometimes. And Mingyu's a really nice kid."

Wonwoo tries not to think much about Mingyu spending so much time with Minghao that it's getting suspicious on his part. "Then why didn't you tell me?"

Soonyoung gives him a 'are you kidding me' look. "We didn't tell you because you're just going to say that you don't care. And I've always hated that response from you."

He knows that they talked about him at least once, it's not a surprise. But he also knows neither his friends nor Mingyu will tell him anything. So he's going to spend his night rolling over the sheets of Soonyoung's guest room, thinking about their conversations. Did Mingyu tell them all the dumb things Wonwoo did when they were hanging out? Was that the reason why they were laughing when Wonwoo found them?

"Hey, order something. So we can go home." Soonyoung says, cutting his thoughts off, like he always do. "My Studio Ghibli DVD set just arrived from abroad, and I can't wait to watch them again. Go! "

He can only sigh in defeat, and proceeds to the counter. At least he gets to see Mingyu today, even for just a short while, even if he has to catch a movie with Minghao. It's not really a big deal. Even if it's not with him.

  
•••

  
Mingyu wasn't there when Wonwoo arrived at the classroom, and never appeared at all until Mr. Park dismissed the class. He volunteered to receive his research project, and when he looked at his grade, he couldn't help but smile in pride. He got more than he expected — an A. Wonwoo got A+, and a comment on the last page saying very good and keep it up.

He's worried, that he sent Mingyu a message in the middle of class, trying to type from under his desk. He couldn't stop checking his notifications, and the message is still marked unread until he reached his next class. Junhui is already there, his phone in his ear, and acknowledges him with a nod when he puts a hand on his arm.

"You okay?" Wonwoo asks, when Junhui finally ends the call. He actually wants to ask about Mingyu, but doesn't know how to bring it up.

Junhui shakes his head. "Not really. Mingyu is sick today, and I can't take care of him because we have to test on a prototype tonight with Professor Jung. And I just talked to Minghao on the phone, but his co-worker is also sick that his manager asked him to take her shift tonight."

Wonwoo looks down on his phone, the chat room with Mingyu still open. He hasn't read his message. Junhui continues to ramble.

"I've already prepared his clothes, medicine and food for tonight, but knowing him he's just going to sleep all day and forget them. That kid's really stubborn when he's sick and he hates going to the doctor even if he's already burning with fever and —"

"I'm going." Wonwoo says, his eyes still on his phone. "I'll finish all my classes today and go to your place later."

Junhui holds on his arm tightly that he's forced to look up at him. He looks really worried and Wonwoo can't help but panic a little. Just how bad is Mingyu's condition right now? He looked very healthy the other day. "Really? You're going? Aren't you busy tonight? You're always busy studying so I couldn't ask you."

"I can just study while watching him." He replies. "I don't live far away from your apartment so I can wait for you to come home."

Junhui's hands fly to his shoulders, shaking him. "Thank you, Wonwoo! Thank you, you're the bestest junior ever!"

"Mingyu's my friend and I'm a little worried. I also have to give him his research project." Wrong. He's really, really worried. Junhui gives him a sly smile, which he ignores because their professor arrives and they have to continue the draft they left last meeting.

Wonwoo really wants to go home now.

  
•••

  
After his last class, he rushed to the parking lot so he could go to Mingyu's apartment as soon as possible. He grabbed anything he might need from his place — study materials, his unfinished plates and problem sets — and bought take-out from the restaurant he first went with Mingyu.

He's been knocking on Mingyu's door and pressing the doorbell several times but there's no answer, no movement from the other side; and he's about to call Junhui to let the receptionist give him extra keys when the door opens.

The Mingyu in front of him is covered with blankets, his hair mussed, face red, and a tissue paper stuck on his nostril. He tries not to coo at the sight. Even in his sick state, Mingyu still looks incredibly cute for him.

"Wonwoo hyung?" Mingyu asks in between coughs. He shivers when the cold air from outside hits him. "You're real? You're not some fever-induced hallucination?"

"I'm real, not a hallucination." He says, pushing him gently so he can step inside and close the door. The apartment is clean, even cleaner than his place, and he wonders if Mingyu is doing all the work here. Because he once mentioned that Junhui's room is a disaster zone. When he finds the kitchen, he sees the medicine and food Junhui left earlier. It's still untouched. "Whoa, Junhui's not wrong. You suck at taking care of yourself."

"Junhui hyung told you I'm sick?" Mingyu says, standing in a distance too far from his reach. "You should go back home, hyung. I can take care of myself."

Wonwoo deflates in disappointment, because all he wants to do is take care of him yet he's kicking him out of his house. But he still wants to stay. He can't leave Mingyu looking like he's going to throw up his organs soon.

Mingyu sighs. "Hyung, I don't want you catching a cold because of me. And I know how important your studies are to you. So please?"

"I take vitamins everyday. I can't remember the last time I fell in sick." He says proudly, making a gesture of showing his sad excuse for a bicep. Mingyu chuckles at that, which ends in a cough. "Seriously, Mingyu. I'm okay. If you want I can use a face mask so you'll stop worrying. Just let me take care of you."

His face reds when he says that, and he also notices the other's face deepen in color — or maybe that's just his fever. "Okay, hyung. Do what you want."

Wonwoo smiles, and proceeds on opening the take outs from the restaurant. He points to the seat on the dining, telling him to sit down. "Junhui left you some food, but I still bought you a take-out from the health restaurant we went to."

"Junhui hyung can't cook. I wonder if this is edible." He sniffs. It's a simple soup he probably got the recipé from the back side of a seasoning product. "I still appreciate all the efforts he did whenever I'm sick or stressed, though. I've been cooking for him since we lived together, so this is probably his way to thank me."

Wonwoo takes the soup from him, covers it and heats it up in the microwave. Then he grabs plates and utensils and prepares the food in front of him.

"Eat. So you can take your medicine after." Wonwoo says. He puts a palm on his forehead; and he still feels warm. "God, Mingyu. Why aren't you taking your medicine?"

"I was sleeping the whole day, and woke up when you knocked on my door." He says, taking a spoonful of soup cooked by Junhui. He closes his eyes, then, "It's salty, but edible."

"Good. Now finish everything. If you can't, at least eat the soup."

"Thanks, hyung." Mingyu tightens the blankets around him, before taking another spoonful. Wonwoo watches him eat, then he looks up. "You should eat too."

That's when he feels his stomach grumble, and he wishes Mingyu didn't hear it. But he sees the little smile on his face while he's eating the soup, so goddamnit. That's really embarrassing. He's been trying to look cool right now but his stomach won't cooperate. He takes a bowl for himself and tries the soup Junhui made. "Wow, you're not wrong. It's really salty."

They eat in silence, with Mingyu turning his whole body around to sneeze or cough. Wonwoo hands him tissues and after eating, he almost consumed half of the tissue roll.

"Now, take your medicine and change your clothes. You stink." He teases, which Mingyu gives a pout. "What are you looking at?"

"You're demanding."

"Because Junhui said you're stubborn when you're sick. I have to force you." Wonwoo stands up, picking up the plates so he can wash them. Mingyu tries to stop him but he shakes his head. "Let me. Do what I told you to do, Mingyu. So you'll get better."

There's another sniff, then he hears the chair move. Mingyu must've gone to his room, when Wonwoo turns around the medicine is already gone, the water half-empty. He smiles and continues to wash the dishes.

Mingyu still doesn't come out after he's done, so he grabs his bag and goes to what he assumes is his room. He knocks, answered by a grunt. "Mingyu? Are you done?"

There's another grunt, and a cough; so Wonwoo pushes the door open, and there he spots Mingyu covered with more blankets, probably trying to sleep again. He puts down his bag beside his bed and walks back to the kitchen to find a basin and a towel.

"Hey, Mingyu." Wonwoo sits down on the edge of the bed, and pulls a chair he can place the basin on. "Mingyu, look at me."

Mingyu slowly opens his eyes. "Hyung? Why are you still here? I've already done everything you said."

"I promised Junhui I'm not going to leave you until he comes home." He says, patting his forehead gently with the towel. Mingyu's watching him with careful eyes; and he tries not to fidget. "I will stay here with you."

"You should be studying, right?" Mingyu mumbles, keeping his eyes open. The medicine is now working, dozing him off. "I don't want to take away your time."

"I brought all my materials so I can study here," _while taking care of you._ "while waiting for Junhui to come home."

"Okay. Don't leave me, hyung." Mingyu says finally, holding on his wrist. Wonwoo nods, leaving the towel on his forehead. "Thank you for everything."

"Don't mention it." He says, raking his fingers through his hair even if it's gross with sweat. He doesn't know why he's doing that, his hands just got a mind of its own. "Sleep, I'll be here on your side doing my work."

Mingyu hums, closes his eyes, and whispers, "What a nice day, indeed. Wonwoo hyung taking care of sick Mingyu."

Wonwoo chuckles, moving to Mingyu's table and turning on the desk lamp. He goes on with his business, the younger's soft snores filling the room.

After an hour he returns to Mingyu's side, removing the towel from his forehead and touching him with his palm. Finally, his fever has gone down. There's still no signs of Junhui coming home, and it's already ten in the evening.

So he sends a text to Junhui, asking him if he's still in the uni, and gets a call back.

"Wonwoo." Junhui says in the other line. He's obviously still in the uni, as he hears voices in the background. "I'm really sorry, Professor Jung hasn't let us go yet. How's Mingyu?"

"He's getting better. He took his medicine and has been sleeping for an hour now." He says, leaving the room so he won't wake Mingyu up. "Take your time. It's still not yet late."

"You can leave Mingyu now, I think I can go home before midnight. He always sleeps like a baby so you don't have to worry."

"I told Mingyu I'm not going to leave him until you come home." Wonwoo says. He's not going to leave him alone like that, looking so pale and vulnerable in his eyes. "You should stay there and finish your thing."

"Then you can stay the night there, if you want." Junhui says. "My clothes are still on the black plastic bag from the laundromat. You can wear them. And there are extra blankets in the lowest drawer of Mingyu's cabinet."

It doesn't take too much thinking if he should take Junhui's offer of staying the night in their apartment. "Okay."

"Alright. Thank you, Wonwoo. You're the bestest friend ever." Junhui says, which makes Wonwoo snort. "Remind me to treat you to lunch tomorrow."

"Yeah, you should go back now. Bye, Junhui." Wonwoo says, then ends the call after Junhui says another string of thank yous again. He sighs, looking down at his hoodie and sweatpants. It's not a bad idea to wear Junhui's clothes, but he's still a lot more comfortable wearing his own. So he just pads back to Mingyu's room and sets the extra blankets and pillows on the floor before going back to his study time. He'll just go to sleep after an hour.

  
•••

  
Wonwoo wakes up from the loud ringing of his phone, blearily sitting up and looking for his eyeglasses. It's still early, he can still check up on Mingyu and run back to his apartment so he can prepare for classes.

Speaking of Mingyu, he's not in his bed. Wonwoo folds the blankets and places them back to the drawer. He hears a soft laugh from outside, and assumes that Junhui has been home for a while.

"Hyung! Good morning!" Mingyu greets, chopping onion on the dining table. His eyes are watery, but the color on his face is now back. Junhui is munching on the food they left from last night. "You should wash your face."

Wonwoo becomes conscious of his appearance, and quickly rushes to the bathroom to wash his face. His hair's a bird's nest, there's sleep in his eyes, there's sleep lines on his cheek — he just looks awful. He removes his eyeglasses and washes his face, so he can look a little presentable to his friends. They both look good in the morning, despite just waking up.

"Shouldn't you be resting now?" He asks, when he comes back to the kitchen. He leans to put a palm on Mingyu's forehead, and his temperature's back to normal now. "Why are you preparing breakfast?"

Mingyu shrugs, but continues on making omelette. "I'm okay, hyung. Thirty-seven point five degrees. I should be able to attend my afternoon classes later."

Wonwoo turns to Junhui in shock. "Now I understand when you said he's stubborn when he's sick."

"I told you. No one can stop him." Junhui chuckles, mouth full — disgusting, he even spits out rice to the table. "But he was actually obedient to you last night."

"I have a very effective medicine, Junhui hyung." Mingyu chimes in, that makes Junhui cough overdramatically. Wonwoo furrows his eyebrows in confusion. Is this an inside joke he doesn't know?

"I think I got your cold, Mingyu." Junhui interjects, after recovering from his so-called cough, pounding on his chest. He looks at Wonwoo apologetically. "We can't really stop him from going to class. Unfortunately. You're just like him, honestly."

"I will still take my medicine later, hyung. Don't worry. And I only have two classes this afternoon. I'm not going to push myself, I promise." Mingyu assures them while his back is facing them, his right hand up.

"Okay. Whatever you say." Wonwoo says in defeat, and waits for the breakfast to be ready. He lets Mingyu do all the work in the kitchen, as his efforts to help was rejected. "It's my first time trying something you cooked, Mingyu."

"Believe me when I say this, Wonwoo." Junhui retorts instead of Mingyu, who's now preparing coffee for two mugs, and a tea for one. "He cooks delicious meals, he does all the chores, he even does his own laundry, he can babysit annoying kids — a perfect husband material."

"Hyung!" Mingyu screams, his voice still rough from being sick the whole day yesterday. Wonwoo can't help but laugh at the redness of Mingyu's face to his neck. "You're being too noisy in the morning."

Junhui laughs so hard, now joining Wonwoo's giggles. "Okay, I'll stop."

"You just exposed yourself how lazy you are, Junhui. You should be ashamed of yourself." Wonwoo snorts, helping Mingyu from his misery, but still can't stop the laugh bubbling in his throat. Mingyu pouts. "I can't believe you let Mingyu do all the work when you're both living here."

"Right?" Mingyu agrees, shooting Junhui a glare. "He doesn't help me at all. If only he's not a family friend, I would've kicked him out long time ago. I've suffered long enough with him."

"I give more than my part in the expenses, though! Let me live." Junhui cries out. Then he points accusing fingers at them. "You're ganging up on me, I hate you two."

"That's what you get for being too annoying this early." Mingyu prods. "Shut up so we can eat our breakfast now and let Wonwoo hyung go to his class."

Mingyu takes him to the door after the breakfast. Wonwoo crouches down to grab his shoes from the rack.

"Thank you hyung, for last night." Mingyu says, uncertain. Wonwoo looks up from tying his shoelaces. "And sorry if I took away your time, exams are coming and you should be studying, not taking care of sick people."

"Stop saying sorry, Mingyu." Wonwoo repeats. "You're my friend, and if it's Soonyoung or Jihoon or Seokmin or Junhui, I would've done the same."

"Okay. I'll stop saying sorry." Mingyu says quietly, scratching his nape looking ashamed. "It's just that I feel bad because you always help me."

Wonwoo pats his arm, chortling. "No worries. At least you're okay now."

"Yeah, I am. Thanks to you." He says, beaming. "Be safe walking home, okay? It's still a little dark outside."

"I will." He stands on tiptoes, and ruffles the younger's hair. Mingyu scrunches his nose, and he looks so, so cute like this. "Go back to bed. And thanks for the breakfast."

  
•••

  
There's someone else on Mingyu's table, aside from Minghao. He's holding on to Mingyu's arm like they're very close friends — much closer than Wonwoo has gotten with him — and they're both laughing at what he just whispered on Mingyu's ear.

"We should find another table." Wonwoo tells Seokmin, pulling him away to search for another table that is out of Mingyu's sight.

"What — why, hyung?" Seokmin lets himself be pushed to a chair next to a table of students who look very forlorn.

"They're with someone else." He says, taking his plate off the tray. Seokmin turns around to look and there he sees the guy latching on Mingyu.

"Ah." Seokmin trails off. It's understandable, Wonwoo is still on acquaintance terms with Minghao, and it will be too awkward for him to deal with another person he doesn't know at all. "I get it. Okay."

While Seokmin talks about his frustration over his choirmate who keeps on singing off-key, Wonwoo actually catches Mingyu staring at him. He gives him a tight smile, then brings his attention back to Seokmin.

  
•••

  
Mingyu finds him later at the library.

"What are you doing here? You're not an engineering student." Wonwoo notes, as Mingyu sits down in front of him and grabs one of his books.

"This book is horrifying." Mingyu mutters, and closes the book that says 'advanced mathematics' with a dramatic shudder. "I was looking for you."

"Hmm. Why?"

"Nothing." Mingyu replies. He leans forward, and just watches as Wonwoo scribbles letters and numbers on his notebook. After a few moments of silence, he speaks again. "His name is Jaehyun."

Wonwoo looks up from his lines of equations. "Who?"

"Jaehyun. The one you saw in the cafeteria." Mingyu explains, like he owes Wonwoo an explanation as to why he didn't get to sit with him during lunch. "He's my groupmate in the feasib."

Wonwoo lifts an eyebrow. He's not bothered. At all. But he's still somewhat relieved that Mingyu told him about this. "And?"

"I don't know." Mingyu pouts, avoiding his eyes. "I just felt like I wanted to tell you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- kudos and comments are appreciated! <3  
> \- happy carat day!!!


	8. VIII

Time flew by and the next thing Wonwoo knows, it's the exam season. He spent more time in the library, choosing to eat his lunch at the far back where the librarian couldn't see him. Soonyoung, Jihoon and Seokmin often went to his apartment to study because of his wide range of books; sometimes Junhui would join them, sharing the same sentiment with Soonyoung and Jihoon that thermodynamics is the worst subject ever invented.

He didn't see Mingyu much in those two weeks of studying for the exam, only in their psychology classes. One time Mingyu sent him a photo of his calculus quiz, which showed a huge A+ in red pen. Wonwoo congratulated him and told him that he's proud of him.

There was also a time that Wonwoo saw Mingyu in a café in their neighborhood, and he was about to call him but he saw the guy — Jaehyun? — approaching him with two mugs on a tray. He chose to walk past them.

"Hey, Wonwoo." Soonyoung pokes him, on the last day of exam season. "Should we rent a movie theater on the weekend?"

"Huh?" Wonwoo looks at him incredulously. "Why would you want to rent a movie theater?"

"I just thought of it." Soonyoung says sheepishly. Jihoon smacks him on his head. "Why did you do that?"

"Stop spending your money on useless things. Besides, movies this week don't seem interesting." Jihoon scolds, going back to his book.

"Yeah, but you can rent a whole movie theater when having a date with Jihoon hyung." Seokmin points out. "Or when proposing marriage to him."

That earns a loud laugh from Wonwoo, clapping his hands in excitement. "Yes, yes! You got it, Seokminnie!"

Soonyoung hides behind Jihoon; and Jihoon surges forward to grab Seokmin by his collar, face red. It's a hilarious scene, and Wonwoo can't help the tears springing out of his eyes. Soonyoung covers his face with his hands in mortification, and pulls Jihoon down by the hem of his shirt.

As he calms down from laughter, Wonwoo realizes that Soonyoung and Jihoon will end up in marriage one day. He's sure of it.

"We should watch a movie this Saturday. We can do that in Wonwoo's apartment, he has a larger living room with huge sound system." Soonyoung says, when everyone has finally stopped from laughing (and Jihoon from outrage). "We can invite Mingyu, Junhui and Minghao too!"

Wonwoo, from the corner of his eye, can see Seokmin staring at him. It's not a bad idea; it's not like he's going to oppose to that. He sighs. "Go ahead, but let me choose the movie."

"He's going to make us watch _Theory of Everything_ again." Jihoon says.

Wonwoo puts his hand on his chest in shock. "Hey, it was really good!"

"I didn't say it's not." Jihoon says. "Just don't make us watch another film in that genre. Expect Soonyoung to sleep thirty minutes into the film."

"Fine." Wonwoo mumbles. He was planning to make them watch _The Imitation Game_ which he saw in Amazon, but whatever. "Then we should watch horror."

"No, no, no, no." Seokmin shakes his head slowly. He's always the scaredy-cat of their friend group. "Wonwoo hyung, don't you dare."

"I'm fine with that." Soonyoung says. Jihoon nods in agreement, so majority wins. Seokmin can only groan.

"I should ask if they're available tomorrow night." Wonwoo volunteers by taking out his phone, so he can finally text Mingyu. It's been a while since their last chat, because they've been busy with their own exams.

 **won** [14:56]  
hey mingyu, are you available tomorrow night?

It takes him more than thirty minutes to get a response from Mingyu, and he's already in the room to take his last exam.

 **mingyu** [15:38]  
yea hyung, y??

 **won** [15:39]  
soonyoung invites you, junhui and minghao to a movie night in my apartment

 **won** [15:40]  
can you ask them for me? i'm about to start my exam

 **mingyu** [15:51]  
alright wonu hyung i'll ask them

 **mingyu** [15:52]  
fighting on your exam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111

 **won** [15:53]  
you too :)

  
•••

  
Turns out that everyone is available, so Wonwoo called for their house helper to clean the whole apartment four hours before they arrive. Wonwoo really can't trust himself with cleaning, and while their helper is inside, he goes out for grocery shopping. He picks up chips, popcorn, cans of beer, and candies. He doesn't know what Junhui, Mingyu and Minghao want so he will just take anything he sees.

He texts Seokmin to buy chicken on his way, half-and-half, while standing in front of the wine section. He's wondering if he should get a bottle of wine for his father. He loves them, and sometimes he calls Wonwoo to come over and have a drink with him.

He buys the drink finally and walks back home, thinking he should hand it personally to him rather than ask their helper to give it. He's been missing his parents and his brother so much, and a little visit after the exam will make them happy.

He calls his mother after the helper goes back home, and the cheery tone from her makes him smile.

"Hi mom." He greets, placing an earbud on his ear so he can talk to her while he's taking out all the foods he bought from the grocery. "How's your day?"

"I'm okay, son. You? Have you finished your exams already?"

Wonwoo hums in response. "I'm doing okay. And yeah, exams finished yesterday. I did really well."

"I'm so proud of you." His mom replies. "By the way, you asked our helper to clean your apartment few days earlier? Why?"

"Ah. I have friends coming over later for a movie." Wonwoo says, putting the cans of beer inside the refrigerator.

"You're not going to clean your apartment like that if it's only Soonyoungie and others." She says, a hint of teasing on her tone. "I'm so glad you're having new friends."

He is happy too. More than he should be. "Thanks, mom."

Junhui, Mingyu and Minghao arrive five minutes early, Mingyu engulfing Wonwoo in a half hug that makes him blush a little; and since it's Minghao's first time in his apartment, he's not surprised to see the shock in his face. Mingyu laughs at him, nudging his side with his elbow.

"Is this your first time in a penthouse?" Mingyu says, pushing the curtains a little to show Minghao the view outside. Wonwoo avoids the scene in front of him, fiddles with the remote of his television, and tries to ignore the awestruck voice of Minghao and Mingyu's chuckles.

"Hey, my bestest friend." Junhui sits cross-legged beside him on the floor, looking at the screen in front of them. "What are we going to watch?"

"We agreed yesterday on watching horror." Wonwoo says, opening his Amazon Prime app on the television. "I haven't watched _The Shining_. You?"

"I'm okay with it, but Mingyu doesn't like horror movies." Junhui says a little louder, for Mingyu to hear. "Right, Mingyu?"

Wonwoo turns around and sees Mingyu looking hesitant, but after meeting his eyes, Mingyu then shakes his head. He notices the tired look on his face. "No, I'm okay with horror movies. Junhui hyung is the one who's scared."

"Suit yourself." Junhui shrugs, then turns back to Wonwoo. "Then we should go for it. You're going to rent it?"

Wonwoo goes to his phone, presses the rent button on the app, and pays the amount. "Yep. I'm not really a couch potato, you know? It's cheaper if I'm going to watch it only once. I'm more of a books person."

"I figured that out long ago." Junhui says, snorting.

Wonwoo suddenly catches Minghao telling Mingyu, "dude, you're glaring."

He ignores them again, and instead tells Junhui about the DVDs Soonyoung bought from abroad, some of them being limited editions which cost a lot. Jihoon chased after him with a mop, screaming about his excessive spending habits. After that, Soonyoung will ask his boyfriend's permission first before buying expensive DVDs again.

Their conversation is cut off by the ping of the main door, his best friends appearing with Soonyoung spreading his arms wide open like a pair of wings. "We're here!"

"You don't have to be so loud." Wonwoo grumbles, taking the chicken boxes from Seokmin's hands and ordering him to get the beers from the refrigerator. He puts down the boxes on the table, beside the bowls of chips and popcorn. "Do you guys want anything else? We can call for a delivery."

"No, no. It's okay. This is already too much." Mingyu says, then follows Wonwoo on where he's seated, plopping down beside him. "We should start the movie now."

So Wonwoo turns off the lights with a press of his remote control, and starts the movie.

"The Shining?" Jihoon mutters, getting himself comfortable in between Soonyoung's legs on the floor. "I haven't watched this. They said it's good."

"Shh, shut up. It's about to start." Soonyoung puts his arms above his boyfriend's, being sickeningly sweet again; and Wonwoo wants to throw up on their heads.

It's not as scary as Wonwoo thought, halfway through the movie. But Seokmin is hiding behind a pillow, Soonyoung hissing, "holy shit" and Minghao is flinching. Junhui is laughing over nothing, and Jihoon isn't even looking away. And Mingyu — well, he has his whole upper body facing Wonwoo, eyes closed really tight, his hand gripping his arm that he's sure it's going to leave a mark.

"I thought you said you're not scared?" Wonwoo teases, forcing Mingyu to open his eyes, but he doesn't even budge.

"I'm not — ah stop shouting! Shit." Mingyu cries out, his forehead now on his shoulder. Wonwoo can't help but laugh in both amusement and pity, and ruffles the younger's hair. 

"Sorry, but you should've told me." Wonwoo whispers. Another shout from the television breaks the silence again, making him jolt in surprise. "Okay, you can choose the next movie."

Mingyu just groans, now hugging his arm. This is probably the closest they've ever been, aside from the hug which only lasted a few seconds. Wonwoo's heart races again, and it's not because of the movie.

They all survive from the movie, if all those dazed looks of his friends are any indication. Mingyu detaches himself from his arm finally, sniffling as he grabs Wonwoo's phone from the table. "It's my turn to choose now after you made me suffer for two and half hours Wonwoo hyung."

There's a noise of protest from Junhui and Minghao, telling him that Mingyu's only going to choose an animation, and Seokmin complaining at how unfair Wonwoo is.

"Not an animation this time." Mingyu retorts, asking him to unlock his phone so he can choose the movie now. He then decides on the movie _Wonder_ , and hands the phone back to him with a grin.

It's a really good movie choice from Mingyu, everyone is quiet except that time when Junhui had to let out an angry commentary about bullies. Wonwoo avoids the screen but can't avoid the words coming out of Junhui's mouth, and when catches Soonyoung looking at him with sympathy, he just gives him a small smile.

It doesn't take long for Wonwoo to feel the weight on his shoulder again, and when he turns his head, Mingyu's eyes are already closed, his breathing even. He looks down and sees Mingyu's forearm on top of his, the pads of his fingers touching the heel of Wonwoo's palm.

He doesn't know how that happens, and if Mingyu moves more, their palms will touch and it will only intensify the blush on his cheeks and the loud beating of his heart. But it's not like he can adjust his position because he looks really tired and he doesn't want to wake him up. Maybe he can endure this really close proximity until the movie ends.

After the movie ends, almost all of the food is gone, and Soonyoung announces the end of their movie night. Jihoon wants more, but his boyfriend covers his mouth and whispers something in his ear that thankfully no one heard.

"Those were really good." Minghao says, stretching up from lying on the floor for too long. "I actually felt like I was inside the cinema."

"All thanks to Wonwoo hyung's sound system." Seokmin points out, crawling to Wonwoo's speakers and hugging it. Wonwoo suddenly wants to play something so loud that Seokmin will get the biggest shock of his life.

"Hey, anyone who wants to stay the night? It's getting late." Wonwoo says, when he sees the time on the television. Mingyu is still sleeping soundly beside him.

Seokmin then stands up, telling everyone, "good night" and walks to the direction of his guest bedroom.

Wonwoo snorts. "Anyone else?"

"I brought my car." Soonyoung says, hugging Jihoon from behind. "We can take Minghao home."

"Mingyu and I can walk home." Junhui says, then points to sleeping Mingyu with the jut of his lips. "That is, if Mingyu wakes up."

"Is he okay? He looks really tired." Wonwoo asks.

"He had to submit his part on the feasib early this morning, so he didn't get any decent sleep since the exams started." Junhui explains. Wonwoo now feels bad for making him stay for a movie night, when he could just sleep for those nights he missed. Mingyu snuggles closer, and now everyone's eyes are on them.

"You can stay the night here too, if you want." Wonwoo tells Junhui.

"Nah, let him stay here. I actually need to go home." Junhui says.

So they go home, Junhui ruffling Mingyu's hair, Minghao thanking Wonwoo for inviting him, and his two best friends grinning at him.

"Take care of Mingyu for me!" Soonyoung says, before closing the door shut.

They stay like that for another minute, and even before he can close his eyes and just sleep beside him, he pats on Mingyu's cheek lightly. "Hey, Mingyu. Wake up."

Mingyu groans, but doesn't open his eyes. He nuzzles against his neck, and the touch ignites something in him once again.

"Mingyu. Kim Mingyu." Wonwoo removes Mingyu's tight hold on his, and scoots away. If Mingyu's not going to wake up, then he'll just let him sleep on the couch instead. He carefully adjusts his position so he doesn't get stiff as he sleeps, and gets extra pillows and blankets from his bedroom. "You should've told me you're tired, silly."

"Sorry, hyung." Mingyu suddenly whispers, while Wonwoo's raking his fingers through his hair. "I missed you, that's why."

Wonwoo's hand stills. His eyes note the tired bags under his eyes, the slope of his nose, and the pout on his lips. And with all this constant jumble of thoughts in his head, everything ends up in one conclusion — what the fuck is he doing right now?

He thinks of a familiar face as he closes his eyes to sleep, and wishes that he doesn't get a nightmare.

  
•••

  
Wonwoo wakes up to the smell of pancakes, and when he walks to the kitchen, he sees Seokmin placing pancake on top of the another. He peeks to the living room and sees Mingyu still deep in sleep.

"Morning, hyung." Seokmin greets. "Had a good sleep?"

"I guess." He answers sleepily. He sits as he watches the younger pours the pancake mix onto the pan.

It's quiet between them until Seokmin finishes the last pancake, and he sits across Wonwoo. "Hyung."

He hums, lazily splitting the pancake with his fork.

"You can tell me if something's in your mind, you know?" Seokmin says, softly. He looks at Mingyu who's hugging the pillow closer to his chest. "Or someone."

"There's nothing in my mind right now." Wonwoo says sternly. "No one."

"Hyung." Seokmin insists. "You're not exactly a good liar."

"Seokmin —"

"Hyung." He cuts him off. "I know you're not telling us because you're scared that Soonyoung hyung will point out how right he is."

Wonwoo frowns. "I hate that you're always this accurate."

"I just don't want to leave you alone with your thoughts again." Seokmin sighs. "You're getting better, hyung. I don't want you relapsing."

Wonwoo stares in Seokmin in disbelief, guilt slowly eating him up again. He's a burden once again, just because he's not telling them what's on his mind and it frustrates them that they can't do anything to help him. Until when is he going to be like this?

"I know how insufferable Soonyoung hyung can get, so you can tell me or Jihoon hyung." Seokmin says again. Wonwoo's appetite is quickly decreasing, and if he's not going to admit it right now in front of his best friend, then he will never be able to do that next time. It's either Seokmin who's about to stand up and give up on him or Jihoon who really can't hide something from Soonyoung.

It will be his first time to voice this out. "I — I shouldn't be feeling this way again, after — after —"

"After what happened? Yeah, I know." Seokmin urges him to continue with a encouraging smile on his face. "But you really can't control that thing in your chest. The heart wants what it wants."

"Did you just quote a song to me?" Wonwoo says; and Seokmin snorts. He looks again to the slumbering Mingyu, and just seeing him like that makes his heart ache. He probably likes him too much.

"Hyung, it's not wrong to give yourself another chance." Seokmin says gently, his hand reaching out to his.

Wonwoo then curls his hand into a fist. "I can't — Seokmin, I can't."

Seokmin looks at him thoughtfully, and finally, he lets it go. If he continues this, then he's going to ugly sob and he doesn't want Mingyu to wake up and see him like this. "Don't hide anything from me again, okay? I want you to promise me."

Even before Wonwoo can agree to that, there's a noise coming from the living room.

"Wonwoo hyung?"

Wonwoo removes his hand from Seokmin and blinks away the tears on his eyes discreetly. "Good morning, Mingyu."

"Good morning." Mingyu says, looking at the two of them curiously. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah." Seokmin answers for him. "We were discussing what happened on the second movie."

"Oh, I remember sleeping in the middle of that. I'm sorry." Mingyu replies, excusing himself to go wash his face first. He goes back after a moment and helps himself with the food. "I was just really dead tired from those exams."

"I understand." Wonwoo says. "Seokmin made the pancakes for you."

Mingyu jokingly pinches Seokmin's arm before starting to eat. "Thanks."

As he looks at Mingyu talking animatedly to Seokmin about what happened in the movie, wide smile making his eyes crinkle up, all Wonwoo can think is that he can't.

He can't give himself another chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- kudos and comments are appreciated <3 thank you!!  
> \- the shining!!!!!!!! if you haven't watched you should lol and wonder too it's really good i cried  
> \- happy birthday 218 bros!!!!!!!!!!!


	9. IX

Wonwoo brings Seokmin home, and regrets it right away as soon as the younger sits at the dining table, waiting for his mom and their helpers to put the foods on the table.

"You should've told me sooner that you're bringing Seokmin with you, Wonwoo." His mother says, taking the dakgalbi from the helper and putting it down on the table. "We could've made an entire feast for him."

"Ah, thank you Auntie. You really don't have to prepare something special for me." Seokmin says in his voice an octave higher, making Wonwoo cringe and his mom giggle.

"Mom, stop babying him. It's getting on his head." Wonwoo says, eyeing Seokmin's hands holding his mom's.

"What? You're jealous?" His mom teases. Wonwoo groans at the disgusting look on Seokmin's face. "Seokmin's my fifth son, you can't change that."

"Really? What an honor." Seokmin grins at Wonwoo. "I guess we're brothers now, hyung."

"Never in your wildest dreams." Wonwoo glares, but then gives up laughing when Seokmin pouts at him. He then looks at his mom when he notices someone missing. "Where's Bohyuk?"

His mom sits on the chair next to Seokmin. They're waiting for his dad who's currently on a phone call with his business partner. "Oh, he's on a date with his girlfriend. I'll tell him to demand a meal with you when he comes home."

"Bohyuk has a girlfriend?" Seokmin asks again. "Whoa, he's grown up! The first time I saw him he was crying because of his Legos."

His mom laughs. "Time flies fast, Seokminnie. That's why I'm surprised that Wonwoo hasn't introduced someone special to me! He should be dating someone right now."

That makes Wonwoo stiffen on his seat, giving Seokmin a cursory glance. He has never told about his parents, even his brother, that having a relationship will never be a part of his long-term plans.

"I just want to study right now, mom." He says quietly, getting impatient at his father who's still talking on the phone. "Can we eat now? Dad might take a while."

His mom probably gets what Wonwoo meant by that, and by the tone of his voice that says he doesn't want any more questions. She smiles at him, her hand on Seokmin's shoulder before dropping it. "Okay, we should eat. You know how talkative your father gets sometimes."

So they eat dinner, with Seokmin talking about his plays with much enthusiasm, and even invites his mom on one of his performances before winter break. His dad returns and Seokmin extends the invitation to him.

"Are your parents coming to watch too? Our home is welcome for them if they need some place to stay." His dad says.

Seokmin blushes at that, nodding. "You don't have to do that, Uncle. My aunt's house can accommodate them."

"Then at least a dinner with us. We've only met them twice." Wonwoo's mom says, clapping her hands happily. "We can have a big get-together this Christmas, with Soonyoung's and Jihoon's families."

"Like that one in Sky Castle?" Wonwoo snorts; and his mom rolls her eyes at him.

"Not that extravagant, Wonwoo." His mom tells him. "Just a simple gathering. We're a huge family, after all."

"Thank you, Auntie. I'll tell my parents that." Seokmin answers sheepishly.

"You should! Can we get an answer from you soon? So we can prepare as early as possible!" His mom says, her hand gently carressing the back of Seokmin's head. She's always like that with his best friends, treating them like they're her own sons, because they were the people who never left Wonwoo in his dark days, when Wonwoo couldn't love himself.

Wonwoo's dad opens the wine bottle but Wonwoo and Seokmin can only drink a little, because tomorrow's school day. So before they can drive back home, Wonwoo pulls Seokmin into his playstation in his room.

"Your room's still feels clean." Seokmin notes, sitting on the floor in front of the screen. He takes the controller from Wonwoo's hand.

Wonwoo hums, as he presses the buttons on his playstation, letting Seokmin choose the game. "Because I go home unexpectedly."

They play for a while; and since Wonwoo's a pro when it comes to these games, he beats Seokmin in all rounds and the latter angrily claims there's something wrong with his controller. So Wonwoo grabs his controller and exchanges them, but then Seokmin still loses in the next rounds. He collapses on the floor laughing.

"I don't want to play anymore." Seokmin tosses the controller to him, scowling. Wonwoo barely catches it. "What time is it now?"

Wonwoo glances at his wall clock. "Nine-thirty. Should we go home?"

"We'll go by ten."

Seokmin lets him play alone, leaning on his bed. He changes the game to one-player, but still defeats the AI. If he's good with studying and puzzles, then he's much better with games. It's something he's also proud of.

After a few moments, Seokmin speaks up. "Since when did you realize you have feelings for Mingyu?"

Wonwoo pauses the game, and turns around to look at him. "Why are you asking that?"

"I'm forcing you to speak while I still have the chance. You're harder to talk to when you have your guard up." Seokmin says, sitting up. "So? Since when?"

Wonwoo squints at him, trying to make him drop the question, but Seokmin is not easy to bring down. He sighs, crawling to his playstation to turn it off. He thinks he can't concentrate with the game if he's going to talk to Seokmin about this. "I don't know since when. I just felt it. That same feeling."

Seokmin nods in understanding. "What are you going to do with it?"

"What do you mean by what am I going to do?" Wonwoo mumbles. "It's not like I'm actually planning to act on it or something."

"And what if he likes you too?"

It might have crossed his mind a few times, but he didn't really entertain that thought for too long. He shrugs in answer like it's nothing. "Why does it matter if he likes me too? I'm just talking about myself here."

"You can't be serious, hyung." Seokmin whines, and just like that it reminds Wonwoo of how Soonyoung rubs his face when he's frustrated with him. "You can't ignore that feeling forever."

"I can, until it dies down. Some people have been doing that for years. This won't last long, trust me." Wonwoo assures, patting Seokmin's leg. "So, can we drop this topic now? Can we go home?"

Seokmin looks at him apprehensively, then nods. "Yeah, we should go home."

The drive home is quiet, so Wonwoo tries to ease the atmosphere by playing songs Seokmin likes. He knows the other is disappointed by him, but not mad. Seokmin is a lot softer than Soonyoung and Jihoon when it comes to dealing with him. Seokmin, after a few songs, sings along and chuckles when he joins him with his deep voice.

"Tell Auntie hi for me." Wonwoo tells Seokmin, when he drops him to his aunt's house where he's been staying since he started college.

"Okay. Thanks for the ride." Seokmin says, and before he can open the car door, he looks back at him. "And hyung, I think you're the only one who can help yourself. We're not giving up on you, but if you're going to stay like that, then we can't do anything about that anymore. Just don't hide secrets from me at least."

He falters at that. "Seokmin —"

"We love you so much, Wonwoo hyung. And we just want you to be genuinely happy. I hope you know that." Seokmin says, giving him a small smile before stepping out of his car. "Drive safely. See you tomorrow."

Wonwoo doesn't drive right away, staying there even though the lights in Seokmin's room is already off. He can only grip on his steering wheel, stare at the distance, and feel the pang in his chest getting worse and worse. Right now, he's just glad that his mind is too empty and tired to even think of things.

  
•••

  
Wonwoo is way too deep into a stupor that he didn't notice Mingyu sitting beside him. He's staring at the whiteboard meters away from him, trying to read the faint lines from the previous class as much as he can with his blurred vision. He's just doing everything he can do just to forget those words from Seokmin last night, the same words that might have kept him awake the whole night if he didn't take those sleeping pills he used frequently years ago. It only resonated on his mind, but it doesn't do anything on Wonwoo's stubborn head. Maybe he will never find the reason to change, like they want him to do. 

"Wonwoo hyung?"

"Hmm?" Wonwoo turns around and there's a poke in his cheek. Mingyu chuckles, dropping his hand to his side.

"Good morning."

Right beside him, the root of all these problems. He creates chaos in his mind, just another unnecessary weight in his shoulders. At this point, he regrets becoming friends with him. If he let him ignore him that day, didn't give him his study materials to photocopy — then he shouldn't be having arguments with his best friends.

If only Wonwoo stayed cold and distant, then he shouldn't be developing feelings for Mingyu.

Admitting it to himself makes it much truer, and it scares him a lot. A lot.

He smiles a little. "Good morning."

"How's the visit to your parents?" Mingyu asks, not even noticing the uneasy look on Wonwoo's face.

"It was just dinner and wine. It was okay."

"Ah." Mingyu drawls out, a sad smile gracing his face. "I'm jealous. I wish I can visit my family in Anyang."

"But Anyang is just near Seoul. Why can't you visit them?"

Mingyu shakes his head. "If I visit them, I might not be able to go back here. My dog cries whenever I leave the house. It always breaks my heart. I try to videocall them as often as possible, though."

Wonwoo simply nods, ending the conversation there because Mr. Park steps in the classroom with a scowl on his face. This is the first time in weeks that he's thankful for his professor's presence, or else he'll have to listen and talk to Mingyu like nothing has happened. At least he doesn't have to look in his eyes and lose himself in them.

Wonwoo, for the first time in weeks again, doesn't listen to Mr. Park, letting those words enter his one ear and exit the another. He's not in the mood to listen, just toying with the module, drawing ugly doodles along the margin. He can just study them later now that he has lots of time after the exam season. Maybe he can buy some new books at the bookstore, isolate himself into his room to read all of them and sleep when his eyes are too tired to open. Going back to his old habits might help him kill the unnecessary feelings for Mingyu.

A hand on his shoulder pulls him out of his focus on drawing fat clouds at the footer, and he looks up to see Mingyu frowning at him. "Yeah?"

"Mr. Park just left the classroom." He says, his hand never leaving his shoulder, burning his skin through the cloth with his warm hand.

Wonwoo averts his eyes and sees his classmates leaving the classroom in a hurry. He picks up his bag, and stands up to rush to his next class. There's actually no reason to do that, as his professor is lenient with late students, but he doesn't want to be left with Mingyu again — not today when he's overwhelmed with emotions right now. He hears Mingyu calling him as he scrambles to the exit, pretends to not hear him, but he's suddenly blocked by someone oddly familiar. He's about to side step when he hears Mingyu again.

"Jaehyun?"

Wonwoo becomes immobile, looking at the guy who stopped him from running away and Mingyu who just leaned on the doorway to let some students pass. He hugs his module close to his chest, his hand gripping on the pen he forgot to put inside his bag in his haste.

"Mingyu!" The guy — Jaehyun — holds up his hand in a high-five, which Mingyu gives back. "I saw you in this room when I was passing by so I thought we can go together to our next class. That's psychology, right? Mr. Park is my professor too, every Tuesday."

"Oh, yes." Mingyu stands on Jaehyun's side, and puts his arm on his shoulders — just like he does with Junhui, Minghao or Wonwoo. Just like he does to his friends. He then motions Wonwoo to listen to him. "Hey, Wonwoo hyung. This is Jaehyun, my groupmate I was talking about."

"You talk about me?" Jaehyun turns to Mingyu, and if Wonwoo squints, he can see the faint blush on his cheeks. Oh no. That doesn't seem good.

"It's just one time, don't get your hopes too high." Mingyu makes face at him, then he points to Wonwoo with his hand. "This is Wonwoo hyung. My seatmate in this class. He's the Superman who helps his friends study."

Jaehyun's mouth forms an 'o', probably because of amusement. "Nice to meet you, Wonwoo-ssi."

A hand is held out for a handshake, which Wonwoo stares at for a little too long.

"Nice to meet you too." Wonwoo takes Jaehyun's hand awkwardly. The smile on Jaehyun's face is blinding, just like Mingyu's. But that smile makes him want to walk out and forget this whole interaction. "I really should go to my next class now."

But before he can leave, a hand on his arm stops him again. Mingyu looks hesitant for a while before he opens his mouth. "Can I ask you something?"

Wonwoo furrows his eyebrows. He just hopes this is something that doesn't need to dive in headfirst. "Yes?"

Mingyu bites his bottom lip; and Wonwoo also sees his arm pulling Jaehyun closer, for support. It hurts his eyes, but he can't really look away. "Minghao's birthday is coming this Friday, and he wants to invite you. Soonyoung hyung said he's not sure if you will go, but I still want to ask you myself."

Wonwoo's answer should be no. He doesn't like parties at all. He hates talking to people he barely knows. Whenever he has to go to a party that's related to his family's business, he only greets the businessmen his father introduces him to and leaves when it's already okay to go — the longest he stayed was two hours, and most of that time he spent it on eating. His parents understand fully well that he's not for socializing.

But as Jaehyun smiles at him, saying something to him along the lines of, "Minghao's party is going to be really awesome. You should go, Wonwoo-ssi," and Mingyu agreeing to that with a chuckle; Wonwoo jumps to a decision without even thinking it through.

"Okay."

Mingyu's face brightens up at that. The look on his face was obvious that he's expecting him to say no. "Really, hyung?"

This is also a chance for him to back out, tell him he's not going to this birthday party, but Jaehyun's hand flies to touch Mingyu's hand that's still on his shoulder, what the fuck. "Yes."

"Cool! I'm going to tell Minghao that. He's gonna be happy." Mingyu says. "You don't have to worry about the guests, it's mostly Junhui hyung's and Minghao's classmates, Jaehyun, Soonyoung hyung and Jihoon hyung. And Seokmin too. Not more than twenty people."

"Okay." Wonwoo replies again. His brain goes blank, and he really needs to walk the fuck out because he can now feel the clutch in his heart getting a lot tighter and it's choking him. "I really should go. See you later."

He really did dive in headfirst. He's that stupid.

  
•••

  
"Soonyoung."

"Oh?"

"I think I said yes to Minghao's birthday party."

"You what?!" Soonyoung blurts out loud, receiving angry glares from the students and the librarian, who puts her finger on her lips. Soonyoung ducks his head in shame. "You did?"

"I said yes." Wonwoo covers his face with his hands. "I actually don't know how I did that. You know how much I hate parties, be it small or big ones."

Well, he knows how he did that. He just saw Jaehyun enjoying himself with Mingyu's arm around his shoulders and he said yes in a heartbeat. Believe it or not, the sight of them together irritates him so much.

"You still have until the last minute to back out. I can invent something for you, like it's your brother's birthday, or your parents' anniversary, or your cat is about to give birth. Something like that." Soonyoung supplies, his fingers tapping on the hardbound cover of his book. "Do you want me to do that?"

Wonwoo appreciates the help, but he's not sure if he really wants that. "I don't know."

"Did Mingyu ask you?"

He nods slowly.

"I told him I'm not sure if you can go." Soonyoung says. That's what Mingyu said earlier. "He really did ask you."

Wonwoo buries his head on his book. He's been doing that a lot these past few weeks, trying if the contents of his book will pass through his skull and replace everything unnecessary inside his brain. Unfortunately, it doesn't work.

Soonyoung only pats his head, as if to comfort him. "I'm proud of you, Won. So much."

No. There's really nothing to be proud of Wonwoo. His fight-and-flight response isn't working properly, as well as his brain-to-mouth filter. And there's no one to blame in all this mess but himself.

  
•••

  
Wonwoo is fidgeting.

He's sitting on that ugly couch in Soonyoung's apartment, waiting for him to come out of his room so they can go to Minghao's birthday party. Seokmin went to the party first, and since he really can't go to that party alone, he has to latch on Soonyoung the whole night. Jihoon had to back out the last minute, because his parents asked him to babysit his baby cousin, in exchange of doubling his allowance for this month.

He also plays with the ribbons on top of the gift he bought for Minghao (a scarf), because he can't stay still. He really should be backing out now.

"Wonwoo?" Soonyoung puts a hand on his shoulder. "You okay? Still going?"

But there's Soonyoung coming with him to the party. His best friend will never abandon him in a circle of people he might not know. Yes, he's still going. He can survive this. "Yep."

They just walk their way to Minghao's apartment, with Soonyoung busy texting his boyfriend. He shows Wonwoo the photos Jihoon sent him, a one-year old girl sitting on his lap.

Soonyoung is giggling. "I wish I'm there with Jihoon. God, they look so cute."

"You look like a lovestruck fool right now." Wonwoo says. "If only you can see yourself in the mirror."

"You don't have to remind me." Soonyoung replies, slipping his phone back in his pocket. He sighs. "Wonwoo, do you think Jihoon and I can be good parents?"

"Are you seriously asking me this?" Wonwoo stops walking, the nervousness he felt back in the apartment long faded. Soonyoung just grins at him. "Really?"

"It has crossed my mind for so many times. It's countless at this rate." Soonyoung crosses his arms, looking up at the starless night sky. "I just know by seeing Jihoon typing on his laptop, or drooling on our bed, or smacking the back of my head because I did something stupid — that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Preferrably with kids."

Wonwoo smiles at that, and puts an arm on his best friend's shoulders, taking advantage of his taller height. "Do you need help with proposing?"

"Not now." Soonyoung rolls his eyes at him. "Maybe after graduation, or after we get stable jobs. I don't know. I might be considering that movie theater proposal Seokmin talked about before."

If Wonwoo is right with his calculations, his best friends have been together for more than five years. For Soonyoung to think about marrying Jihoon one day is already telling how deep their relationship has gotten.

"Have you watched The Proposal? Or you should do that cue cards confession from Love Actually!"

"No offense, Wonwoo, but you're the last person I'm going to seek proposal advice from. And that is, if I'm really, really, really desperate." Soonyoung says, scrunching his nose.

Wonwoo pushes him away in mock disappointment. "That's below the belt."

"Your choice of movies highly contradicts your own concept of romantic relationships." Soonyoung points out. Wonwoo doesn't even get to defend himself when he walks ahead of him. "Come on, we're here."

Wonwoo follows suit, and when they're already at the door of Minghao's apartment Soonyoung stops him. "Tell me if you want to go home, okay?"

He nods. "Okay."

Soonyoung knocks on the door, which is answered by Minghao with a birthday cone on top of his head. "Happy birthday, Minghao!"

"Hyung! Thank you!" Minghao gives Soonyoung a short hug, then looks at Wonwoo. "I'm glad you came, Wonwoo hyung."

Wonwoo hands him his gift, carefully wrapped in white, Minghao's favorite color according to Junhui. "Happy birthday, Minghao."

"Wow, thank you." Minghao takes the gift from Wonwoo, a gentle smile on his face. To Soonyoung he says, "Thank you for not giving me a gift, hyung. By the way, where's Jihoon hyung?"

"Jihoon forgot to buy it. I'll bring it to your café next time I visit." Soonyoung whines. "And Jihoon can't make it, he's babysitting his cousin tonight."

Minghao pouts at that and leads them inside, and it's not like Wonwoo's looking, but he finds Mingyu right away. He's talking to —

"Wonwoo hyung! You came!" Mingyu stops Jaehyun from talking, welcoming him with a biggest goofy grin on his face. He's holding a red cup on his hand.

"I did say I'm going, didn't I?"

Is Mingyu's smile can go much wider? Because Wonwoo's sure he sees it. At least he doesn't feel the awkwardness he felt last Monday. Avoiding him for a few days sure did the trick.

And then Jaehyun shows up beside Mingyu. "Hi, Wonwoo-ssi!"

"Hello, Jaehyun-ssi."

Jaehyun nudges Mingyu's side. "I told you, he's going."

Mingyu's face turns red, probably because of the alcohol. He ignores him by waving his hand at Soonyoung. "Hi, Soonyoung hyung! Where's Jihoon hyung?"

"Babysitting duties." Soonyoung replies. He leans in to whisper on Wonwoo's ear. "Hey, I'm just going to greet Junhui's classmates. Can I leave you with them? I'll be back."

Wonwoo nods. When he looks around, he spots Junhui's classmates, some of them familiar because they also share the same drafting classes with him. And they also tried befriending Wonwoo — in hopes of him tutoring them in math — but it's Junhui who didn't give up with his 'pushing people away' tactics.

Mingyu guides him to the couch, and Jaehyun tells them that he's going to their other classmates' circle. And now he's left with Mingyu sitting beside him. He suddenly remembers Seokmin's in the party too.

"Seokmin's in the kitchen. He's playing beer pong with Junhui hyung." Mingyu says as if he read his mind. "You want something to drink?"

"Beer. I want beer." He says, and Mingyu stands up to get him one. There are less than twenty people in the party, like Mingyu said when he invited him. But it still makes him a little uncomfortable. He's jealous of his friends who can laugh with people they don't know that much, that they can settle in a small conversation without feeling that they have to escape. He wishes Jihoon is with him, because that one is another party pooper. He could be sitting beside Wonwoo, playing with his phone and glaring at anyone who would try to flirt with Soonyoung.

"Hyung. Here." Mingyu hands him a red cup, half-full of beer. Wonwoo takes a sip. "In case you're wondering, Minghao only invited a few people he's close with."

"But we're not close." Wonwoo bites his lip. He's not close with Minghao, they haven't exchanged more than hi and hello, so what is he doing here?

"We're close friends, and Junhui hyung too." Mingyu says. "And before you say anything, it's Minghao who wants you here. He just asked me to invite you because he was too shy to approach you."

"Oh."

"They're planning to play some games later." Mingyu says, holding on his arm. "Promise me you'll join?"

Wonwoo meets Mingyu's eyes — hopeful and puppy-like — and how can he say no to that? "Okay."

"Wonwoo hyung!" Seokmin screams from a distance, catching everyone's attention. He jumps to his side, his arms wrapping around his waist. He looks a little drunk. "Junhui hyung cheated on beer pong! He made me drink five cups! Fucking five full cups of beer!"

Mingyu laughs from his right. "I warned you about playing with Junhui hyung but you didn't listen."

Seokmin only grunts, burying his face on Wonwoo's chest. He gets really clingy when he's drunk. The first time he got drunk with Wonwoo, he straddled his lap and slept on his shoulder, his arms around his neck. Wonwoo couldn't do anything and stayed like that until sunrise. He got crick on his neck down to his back, and Seokmin only smiled sheepishly and offered to cook breakfast for him. The next time it happened he pushed him hard that he rolled down on the floor, Soonyoung and Jihoon cackling on the background.

"It's too early for you to get drunk, Seokmin." Wonwoo says softly. He then turns to Mingyu. "Can you get him a glass of water?"

Mingyu goes back to the kitchen to get a glass of water, and Wonwoo can hear him shouting, "Junhui hyung why did you do that to Seokmin!" and the next words incomprehensible to his ears. Seokmin just giggles beside him.

"Mingyu's jealous." He lifts his head to look at him, and wait — he doesn't look like he's drunk at all. He smells like alcohol, but he's sober. Completely sober. "He was smiling down at me but I could hear him gritting his teeth."

"Did you just pretend to be drunk?" Wonwoo asks in disbelief.

Seokmin just grins. "Sorry. It was Junhui hyung's plan. But he doesn't know about your crush, so doncha worry."

"I can't believe you." He shoves Seokmin away, the latter laughing. "I hate you."

Mingyu comes back with a glass of water, and furrows his eyebrows when he sees Seokmin face-planting on the couch. "Okay, what happened?"

"He's crazy." Wonwoo says, and pulls Seokmin up by the back of his shirt. "Drink this before I lose my patience."

Seokmin takes the glass and drinks everything, but he doesn't look like he's sorry. He shows a peace sign and runs back to the kitchen. Wonwoo will give him an earful later.

Mingyu returns to his seat, beside him. "How are you finding the party, so far?"

"The party? It's fun? Yeah, it's fun." Wonwoo hears laughs from somewhere, and he sees one of Junhui's classmates capturing Soonyoung in a loose headlock, Seokmin going back to play with Junhui, Minghao hugging someone. They're all having fun, while Mingyu is sitting beside him. Mingyu shouldn't be here beside him. He should be having fun too, not stuck with a grumpy Wonwoo.

"Seokmin said he's two hundred percent sure you were going to ditch the party for some Agatha Christie book set." Mingyu says.

Right, his latest obsession. That book set he bought online as a birthday gift for himself five months ago. He only got to read it after the exams. "Then Seokmin got the surprise of his life. I'm here."

"When he said that, I got really sad, you know? I was about to believe you're not going when you showed up." Mingyu says, over the raucous laughter from Minghao's friend circle. Wonwoo almost doesn't hear it.

"Why?"

Mingyu looks at him, a small smile his face. He's glowing, his cheeks flush, and Wonwoo wants to lean in and plant a kiss there just to see if he can make it redder. Goddamnit, the beer is getting into his system now.

"Just because." Mingyu replies, not really giving any answer to his question. "I know you're not a party person and you're not the only one. I am too, but sometimes letting yourself have fun is a nice feeling. Even just for a short while."

There he is again, making Wonwoo feel that he's not the weirdest one of the bunch, that he shouldn't feel bad just because he's a little different from others.

Wonwoo grips at the red cup, hearing the cracking sound made by his fingers. "I guess so, yeah."

"I'm really happy to see you here, hyung." Mingyu mutters, his hand suddenly on Wonwoo's knee. Wonwoo almost jumps at the sensation. "You never fail to make me feel things."

"What kind of things?" Wonwoo tries to ask.

Mingyu continues being vague, and it's getting annoying. "You know, things. It's hard to explain."

Wonwoo bites his lip. _Same, Mingyu. Same._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- everything goes down after this, lol  
> \- kudos and comments are appreciated! thank you!! <3


	10. X

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: anxiety attacks.

Minghao calls everyone to gather in the living room, and make them form a circle.

"I think the game's about to start!" Mingyu says, pulling him up from the couch. Wonwoo is helpless at this point, letting himself be dragged by this giant who's apparently his crush. Mingyu sits down just beside Junhui, who's waving at him with a stupid smirk on his face. Wonwoo is about to lift his foot to kick him on his butt, when Soonyoung appears on his side.

"You sure you're playing?" Soonyoung asks, worry on his face. "It's Never Have I Ever game, it might get personal."

"I can just not drink even if it's true." Wonwoo mumbles. He knows that he's not confident, but he can try. Everyone's joining and he doesn't want to catch their attention just because he's being a killjoy. It's better to blend than to stand out. "As long as there are no dares involved."

"I will save your ass if needed." Soonyoung assures, grabbing his wrist so he can sit beside him.

It's the birthday boy who starts the game. "Never have I ever farted in front of someone I like."

Almost everyone drinks, even Mingyu. Wonwoo doesn't. And Junhui, being a good friend, asks Mingyu about it.

"I did earlier." Mingyu says, his blush deepening. "It harmonized with the bgm so it wasn't heard."

They all laugh at that, and Wonwoo tries to go along, even if he's dead curious about the person Mingyu's talking about. Is it Jaehyun? They were talking when they arrived. Who knows?

"Okay! My turn!" Junhui lifts his glass. "Never have I ever walked around with my zipper down."

All of them drink. Wonwoo remembers that time he was in the mall and went to the comfort room. Just as he was about to pull down the zipper he noticed that it was already down. So yeah, he wandered around the mall like that and it was fucking embarrassing.

"Never have I ever had sex in the backseat of a car."

Only three people drink, including Soonyoung. Wonwoo gives him a scandalized look while everyone whoops at the revelation.

Soonyoung turns to look at him with a smug grin on his face. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I'm never going to sit in your car ever again." Wonwoo says, horrified.

Soonyoung cackles again. "Jihoon cleaned it in an instant. But he couldn't stand leaving the car seat like that so he even brought it to a car washing service. It was hilarious."

Wonwoo shudders at the mental image of Jihoon cleaning bodily fluids. "My decision still stands."

They gave their own 'never have I ever' each, even Wonwoo, who said, "Never have I ever faked being sick just so I could skip class."

"Who didn't?" One of Minghao's classmates interjected, because well, who didn't?

But Wonwoo didn't drink, and that made everyone crack up.

They went two more rounds, but Wonwoo only drank five shots of soju. He's actually winning at this point. It's actually fun, if he's being honest right now. He's getting more comfortable as he learns new (and gross) things about these people around him. He even found out just now that Seokmin is scared of clowns. He's definitely going to use that as a weapon against him someday.

It's Junhui's classmate's turn. He taps on his chin as he thinks of something, and when he does, he smirks.

"Never have I ever made a huge trouble when I was in high school."

It is way too precise, Wonwoo wants to scream. He grips at the shot glass in his hand, and looks up to see Soonyoung and Seokmin both shaking their heads at him. _You don't have to do it,_ they say.

But he still does because he suddenly feels bold, eliciting a cheer from other people — mostly Junhui's classmates — there. A mix of, "woah!", "Wonwoo was naughty!" and other things he can't hear. He turns to look at Mingyu, who's grinning at him, and his eyes are telling him that he has some explaining to do later.

What if he tells Mingyu what happened back in high school? What if he tells him he made an unforgivable mistake and brought disgrace to his whole family? What if he finds out that Wonwoo isn't as awesome as he thinks he is? Would he be disappointed? What if he — what if —

He abruptly stands up that he almost knocks down Soonyoung's glass, his legs beginning to tremble. He announces weakly, "I'm going to the bathroom."

He doesn't know how he makes it to the bathroom, as he feels his body about to give up in any second. As soon as he feels the cold tiles on his feet, he collapses on the floor, his back against the closed door. He quickly locks the door as he begins to gasp for air, and his hands begin to shake so terribly. He wants to go to the sink and wash his face with cold water, but he really can't fucking stand. The rest of his body feels numb. It's been a while. It's been a while. _It's been a while._

"Hyung?"

The last person he wants to see him like this knocks on the door, and Wonwoo takes a very deep inhale. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He can't let Mingyu know everything. It's going to devastate him if he sees his reaction to this.

"Hyung? Are you okay there?"

Wonwoo opens his mouth, but there's no voice coming out. He can't speak. He wants to tell him that he's okay, there's nothing to worry about, Wonwoo has been doing so well, there's no reason for bringing up the fucking past and —

"Mingyu." He hears Soonyoung say from the other side of the door, and Wonwoo exhales shakily. "I can handle drunk Wonwoo. You go back."

"But hyung —"

"Go back." Soonyoung argues, his voice stone cold. "You're missing out on the fun."

There's silence after that, and then another knock.

"It's me, Soonyoung. I'm alone now. Can you open the door for me, please? Wonwoo?"

Wonwoo tries to peel himself from the door, his hand reaching up to the door knob. He needs Soonyoung to help him or else he's going to faint.

"Hey buddy." Soonyoung says ever so softly when finds him there trembling, his hands on his shoulders. He asks him to look at him. "Do you have your meds with you?"

Wonwoo shakes his head. He doesn't bring them anymore, which is a terrible mistake.

Soonyoung hums. "Okay. You still remember the breathing exercises, right? The one Dr. Han taught you before?"

He does, of course he does. He can't even recall when was his last attack, but he still knows the breathing exercises like the back of his hand. He takes a deep breath, holds it in for a few seconds, then exhales.

"You've been through a lot. This won't be difficult for you." Soonyoung says again, his soothing voice melts him. "You can do it. I know you can do it. Come on."

He breathes again, again and again, and watches as his hands stop quivering, and he feels the blood in his veins start flowing again. "Soonyoung."

"Thank God." Soonyoung breathes out in relief. His thumbs wipe the tears on his cheeks. He doesn't even know that he cried. "Tell me if you can stand."

Wonwoo shuts his eyes for a while, and when he thinks that he can finally stand, he opens them again. Soonyoung is looking at him, smiling, with patience in his eyes. He smiles back. "I can stand now."

"Good. Now pretend that you're real drunk, so we can go home." Soonyoung says. "And I know you like Mingyu so much, but don't even try to look at him. It won't do you any good."

"What —" he splutters. "I don't like him!"

"Sure, whatever." Soonyoung shrugs, pulling him up. His legs don't feel like jelly anymore. "Let's go."

His best friend then guides him to the living room, where he tells everyone, "We're going home. Wonwoo didn't get his dinner before drinking so his stomach feel funny now. Have fun, guys."

Wonwoo tries not to look at Mingyu, who is probably staring at him with worry. Of course, who wouldn't. Soonyoung just practically pushed him away when he only wanted to know if he's okay. He looks at Seokmin instead, and it's obvious on the other's face that he wants to stand up and follow them, but he stops him by smiling at him in assurance. He really is thankful for his friends who have been patient to him for the past two years.

"How long have you been bottling this up, Wonwoo?" Soonyoung tucks him in bed as soon as they reach home, and takes his phone away from him. He doesn't expect him to answer though, because Wonwoo doesn't even know the answer to that. "Do you need your sleeping pills?"

Wonwoo shakes his head. He can feel himself dozing off, maybe because of the alcohol, because he didn't take any pills tonight. He really doesn't know. He's conflicted. He's afraid. But most of all, he's so tired.

"I'm going to call Dr. Han's secretary tomorrow so she can set you up an appointment Monday morning. Don't worry, I won't tell your family about what happened."

"What about my classes?"

"We're skipping them." Soonyoung says with finality, sitting on the edge of his bed. "One absence won't hurt your grades, I'm sure. Now sleep, I'll be staying over."

Wonwoo obeys, closing his eyes. He's going to be okay. His best friend says so. There's nothing to worry about, he also says. He believes them. He trusts those words.

He's definitely going to be okay.

  
•••

  
The very first time he liked someone, it ruined his whole life. They sent him to Changwon so he could continue his last year in high school there, and they made him visit a psychiatrist.

It feels like déjà vu.

Soonyoung managed to set him an appointment for Monday, and he also managed to convice Wonwoo to leave this Saturday morning. Jihoon and Seokmin came to his apartment at seven — Jihoon bringing a bag full of clothes enough for three days, and Seokmin bringing breakfast for them even if he's nursing a hangover — and doted on him.

He also received texts from Junhui, Minghao and Mingyu asking if he's okay, and he just replied a simple _'im ok, i was just drunk'_. Mingyu sent him another text after that, if he wants him to come over and cook soup for him, but Wonwoo didn't reply.

"Mingyu was restless after you guys left." Seokmin said, and Wonwoo ignored it by wolfing the haejangguk Seokmin's aunt cooked for them. "He even quit the game and just cowered on the couch for the rest of the party."

So now, Wonwoo is in the train going to Changwon, and Soonyoung is drooling on his shoulder. He hears his phone ringing, and upon seeing Mingyu's name on the screen, he lets it ring until it stops, puts his phone to silent and slips it inside his bag. He then grabs his iPod and drowns himself with lo-fi music.

He just can't talk to Mingyu right now. He's scared, because it's happening again. It's happening again because he let Mingyu in his life. And he hates himself so much for being weak, for trying so hard not to fucking answer that damn call. He takes a deep breath and leans his head on the train window, because that's all he can do without going crazy. He can only stare at the view outside, while fighting the urge to talk to the guy he likes so much.

So much that he's turning his life upside down again.

  
•••

  
"Wonwoo? What are you doing here?" Wonwoo's aunt — Mrs. Choi — steps back in surprise, as he sees Wonwoo and Soonyoung sitting on the couch in the living room.

"Hi Auntie!" Soonyoung hugs Mrs. Choi, even lifting her up that makes her chuckle. "I dragged Wonwoo here because I missed you so much!"

Wonwoo was just here last month with Seokmin, so it's a shock for his aunt to see him again. Wonwoo stands up to hug her and kiss her cheek. "I have an appointment with Dr. Han so I went home."

Mrs. Choi pulls away, giving him a worried look. "Are you okay? Did something happen again? You only meet Dr. Han once every two months, right?"

Wonwoo shakes his head. "No, nothing serious. Just an appointment, I want to talk to her about something."

"You don't want to talk to me about it first?" She says, her hand caressing his hair.

"Don't worry about it, Auntie. It's just about the treatment that I really can't discuss on the phone with her."

His aunt doesn't look like she believes him, but she lets it go. "Alright boys. You can take a rest upstairs. I'll call you when the food's ready."

They thank her again, and as they climb the stairs, Soonyoung nudges him. "Why did you tell her that you're going to see Dr. Han? She's going to tell your parents, for sure."

"She won't." He says. It's like a silent agreement between them, to not tell his parents unless it's really important. He doesn't want them to worry, as they already have a large business to take care of. And as always, Wonwoo is trying his best not to be a burden.

Wonwoo opens the door to his room, and jumps to the bed face down. He hears Soonyoung dropping his bag on the floor, and feels him sitting on the edge of his bed.

"The first time I slept here was almost two years ago, a month after you were sent here, if I remember it correctly."

Wonwoo turns around to face him. "Was it really two years? Time flew so quick."

"That time I had a culture shock because university was way too different with high school." Soonyoung mumbles. "I also thought that if I had protected you more, then we would've experienced culture shock together."

"Soonyoung." Wonwoo groans, reaching out to shake the other's arm with his two hands. "We'd talked about this before."

"I know, I'm sorry." Soonyoung smiles at him apologetically. "Seeing this bedroom again makes me remember things. Just because you made us so worried last night."

"I guess I pushed myself too much last night." Wonwoo muses. "It was really fun. But my anxiety attacks were just fucking mannerless and ruined it for me."

"Does this attack have something to do with Mingyu?"

"Mingyu?" Wonwoo echoes, fisting the sheets. Not this again. "I just told you why, Soonyoung. It was the party."

Soonyoung furrows his eyebrows. "Why aren't you answering Mingyu's calls then?"

Wonwoo sits up. "What calls? I didn't receive any calls."

"Won, I saw you ignoring his call back in the train. You even turned your phone into silent mode just so he couldn't disturb you. You are such a terrible liar." Soonyoung says, matter-of-factly, even emphasizing on _'you'_. Wonwoo rolls his eyes at that insult. "Mingyu texted me earlier because you weren't answering his calls. I said you were sleeping."

Wonwoo grabs his bag and takes out his phone. Twenty-three missed calls and eight texts, all came from Mingyu. He lets out a breath. He's not expecting Mingyu to be this really persistent. Why would he call him countless of times? Was he really worried?

"I wasn't in the mood to answer any call. I'm going to text him later." He mutters. Soonyoung only gives him a look that obviously says _'I don't believe you'_. "What?"

"You really think you can fool us?" Soonyoung stresses, but he doesn't sound accusing. He's just teasing. Again. "I don't know why you keep on hiding this from us. The two of us have been best friends since we were babies. You know me. It's not like I'm going to use it against you."

Wonwoo just wants to pull his best friend's hair. "What are you even talking about? Why are you bringing up our friendship as babies? What am I even hiding from you?"

"Your feelings for Mingyu, Wonwoo! Your feelings." Soonyoung raises his hands like he's preaching. "It's not rocket science, Wonwoo. You're not stupid."

Wonwoo's shoulders sag. He can't even say anything. He feels frustrated, yes. He can say another lie, yes. But it's pointless now. Soonyoung is cornering him again, even though he promised him not to do it anymore. He's not even afraid of Wonwoo lashing out at him because he's really that determined to squeeze something out of him. And Wonwoo's that close to giving up.

"You can't deny what you feel for him anymore. I can see the way you look at him, Wonwoo. Jihoon said that's how I look at him sometimes. Junhui noticed it too. And now you're ignoring his calls. That's enough indication." Soonyoung continues, his voice turning soft. Wonwoo feels completely exposed, this time it's Soonyoung, and there's nothing to grab here in his room to shield himself with. "That's why you had an attack last night. Because he reminded you of —"

Soonyoung suddenly stops talking. Wonwoo's eyes widen — that's the very last straw.

Soonyoung puts a palm on his forehead. "Wonwoo, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have."

"Stop. Soonyoung, stop." Wonwoo chokes out, scooting away from his best friend. Soonyoung crawls closer to him in sheer panic and wraps him in a hug. He grips his shirt in a mix of anger and self-pity. "I shouldn't be feeling this way. I can't like him, Soonyoung. I can't. I don't want it to happen again."

Soonyoung hushes him, patting his back gently. "I know I swore to you to never bring it again, but I had no choice and I'm sorry. You really need to talk to Dr. Han. This is getting out of hand now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- aaand that's it. i just dropped the first bomb. i have like, two bombs  
> \- kudos and comments are appreciated!!! thank you <3


	11. XI

He still doesn't reply to Mingyu's messages. Mingyu stopped after his thirtieth message.

He reads them on a Sunday afternoon, while sitting on the swing at the park near his aunt's — his too, for a year — house. Soonyoung is playing with the neighbor's corgis, rolling on the grass, as if to impress the dogs. He records a video then sends it to Jihoon.

 **won** [14:32]  
[video]

 **won** [14:33]  
your bf looks like an idiot

 **jhoon** [14:36]  
my idiot <3

 **won** [14:38]  
gross

Wonwoo goes back to his chatroom with Mingyu, rereads the messages. It's mostly _hyung, hyung where r u, im so worried, hyung pls reply, ure not answering my calls hyung, sorry, did i do something wrong, im being annoying sorry_. He feels like an asshole for doing it to him, but it's not like he has a choice. He can answer them later, when he's thinking straight. Maybe tomorrow.

He turns off the screen, and shouts at Soonyoung. "Hey! You want some ice cream?"

"Winter is coming and you want ice cream? Hell, yes." Soonyoung sits up and pats the grass off his jacket, then the dogs. "Hyung will see you boys later, okay?"

He thanks the owner for letting him play with his dogs, before catching up to Wonwoo. "Your treat!"

"Why is it always my treat?" Wonwoo grumbles, as they reach the ice cream shop. They're nearing the end of autumn, and ice cream shops should be having less customers by now, but it's still oddly booming.

Soonyoung shrugs. He orders strawberry shortcake. "Because you're richer, and I don't have my wallet with me."

"Opportunist." Wonwoo says. "It's you who dragged me here all the way from Seoul!"

"Have you answered his calls?" Soonyoung asks, after getting their own orders and sitting on the table near the entrance.

He knows who Soonyoung is talking about, but he still asks. "Who?"

"Mingyu, duh."

Wonwoo sighs, shaking his head. "I read his messages, though, just now."

"Figures." Soonyoung says, licking on his ice cream. Wonwoo scrunches his nose at the remark. "Jihoon told me that he met Mingyu at the coffee shop earlier. To say that he was sulking was an understatement."

Wonwoo looks down. "What did Jihoon tell him?"

"He told Mingyu you're in Changwon with me taking care of something that you don't have time to check your phone for messages and calls." Soonyoung explains.

"I can't talk to him right now. I feel overwhelmed." He says, carefully. "That anxiety attack from Friday scared the shit out of me, Soonyoung. It's been a while since the last one, and it was the worst."

He remembers it completely — he was sitting on a bathroom stall, clutching his head to suppress the flashbacks on his head, as well as trying to breathe properly, trying to fight the nauseous feeling on his gut. He remembers Seokmin finding him there, his desperate calls of _hyung, hyung, listen to me, hyung_ , that felt like nothing because he was drowning at nothing. He remembers himself being brought to the emergency room, Seokmin sitting beside his bed holding his hand and his aunt hiding the tears on her face.

Thankfully, it was the last time. He had his meds with him every time, popping two in his mouth whenever he felt like it's coming, until he reached his second year in the university and he shoved the bottle to the corner of his medicine cabinet, sure that it wouldn't come again. He only takes the pills that needs to be taken daily in long-term, every lunch and before he goes to bed.

He's wrong.

Soonyoung reaches for his hand on the table. His hands are sticky, but he doesn't give a damn. "Sooner or later you have to talk to him, Wonwoo. You can't avoid him like that. He's a nice guy."

"I know." Wonwoo murmurs, sadly. "Fuck, I hate myself."

  
•••

  
Wonwoo had always believed that love stories in those romcoms he watched, in those books he read, are too good to be true. Sometimes he thought the relationship Soonyoung and Jihoon has is some kind of a miracle, knowing how different their personalities are.

As time passes, Wonwoo starts to accept that love comes to those who deserve it.

 **mingyu** [08:10]  
hyung ure not really coming to class :(

 **mingyu** [08:11]  
hyung ure making me worried again

Wonwoo takes a deep breath, before finally typing his reply.

 **won** [08:18]  
sorry, i'm still here in changwon. i'm coming back tonight

 **mingyu** [08:19]  
oh god finally u replied

 **mingyu** [08:19]  
i thot sumthing happened u made me worry hyung

 **mingyu** [08:20]  
i will take notes 4 u

 **won** [08:21]  
please do that, thank you mingyu

 **won** [08:22]  
i'm really sorry i made you worried. something important came up here and i got really busy

 **mingyu** [08:23]  
apology accepted hyung :)

 **mingyu** [08:24]  
c u tom?

Wonwoo smiles before typing his reply and hitting send.

 **won** [08:25]  
okay :)

"Wonwoo?"

Wonwoo lifts his head and sees Dr. Han sticking her head out on the gap of her door. Soonyoung taps him on his shoulder.

"It's your turn." She says; and Wonwoo takes another deep breath before standing up.

Soonyoung gives him a thumbs-up. "I'll wait for you here, bud."

He nods, before following Dr. Han inside.

"So, Wonwoo." She starts, clasping her hands on the table. Wonwoo sits on the chair in front of her. It smells like lavender inside, and he stares at the pendulum display that hasn't stopped swinging ever since he went here for his first consultation. "What are you doing here?"

She's smiling and her tone is teasing. It's comforting, like the effect his anxiety medications are giving him. She has always been calm and reassuring.

Then, Wonwoo starts speaking.

  
•••

  
Wonwoo comes out of the clinic after almost an hour, and as soon as he sees Soonyoung dozing off on the chair he kicks his foot to wake him up.

"Finished?" Soonyoung rubs his eyes. Wonwoo nods. He's tired from all the talking he did, and all he wants to do is spend the rest of his afternoon with gaming.

They're about to leave the hallway when the door of Dr. Han's room opens again. "Hey, Soonyoung. Can I talk with you for a sec?"

Soonyoung points at himself. "Me?"

Dr. Han looks at Wonwoo, then to Soonyoung. "Yes, you."

So, Wonwoo waits there curiously, leaning on the wall, finally relieved. It always feels like breathing some fresh air once his session is finished, the annoying heavy weight on his shoulders being lifted by Dr. Han. It's good that he gets to rant on someone that he isn't close with, it's like screaming on top of the mountain without needing some answers from down below.

It doesn't even take five minutes when Soonyoung steps out of the room, waving good bye to Dr. Han.

"Be safe on your trip back to Seoul, and Wonwoo, don't forget to call me." She says, before closing the door.

Wonwoo nudges his side, while they're waiting for the elevator. "What did she tell you?"

"Uh, just some reminders about your meds." Soonyoung shrugs, looking down at his feet.

"She didn't even adjust my meds, why was she even giving you reminders?"

"I don't know." Soonyoung frowns, then repeats Wonwoo's question. "What did she tell you back there?"

Wonwoo actually doesn't remember what Dr. Han told him minutes ago, and that makes him recall his inattentiveness during his first therapy sessions two years ago, deeply focused on his storytelling. Did he say too much? Was it necessary? Was it not enough? Should he hold himself back? Earlier inside the room, he didn't listen to her again, his hands gripping on his phone in his pocket. Dr. Han once told him off about not listening, but this time around she didn't, patient with him even though she saw in his eyes that he wasn't paying attention. Maybe she knows him way too much now to even care about it.

"The typical." He says instead. It's vague, but he doesn't usually share his sessions with his best friends. And he wildly guesses Dr. Han said something real important to Soonyoung about him. But he won't try to know. He's too tired to force those words out of his best friend.

  
•••

  
There's heavy traffic on his way to the university, some kind of a car accident nearby, but the estimated time on his navigation app says he's not going to be late. Wonwoo has always been overly punctual, ready at times like this.

Wonwoo is tapping on his steering wheel, waiting for the cars in front of him move, when his phone rings. It's Mingyu.

He lets it ring a little longer, before sliding the green button with his index finger and putting his phone on loudspeaker. "Hello?"

"Hyung?" Mingyu's voice is soft. It's his first time hearing him after the party, after Wonwoo avoided him for three days. Wonwoo tries not to smile. "Are you in the university now?"

"I'm stuck in a traffic. Maybe I'll be there in fifteen." Wonwoo replies, stepping on the accelerator lightly, finally getting some space to drive. "Why?"

"I— I'm giving you the materials from yesterday's class. Also Junhui hyung wants to give you something." He says. "I'll wait for you in the parking lot, yeah?"

Wonwoo grips on the steering wheel. "Yeah. See you."

He arrives at the university's parking lot in less than fifteen minutes, and he quickly sees Mingyu there, standing out in a crowd of students rushing to their classes. He turns off the engine and steps out of his car, slinging his backpack on his right shoulder. He approaches him, and in every step he takes he hears his heart thumping so loudly in his chest.

"Mingyu?"

When Mingyu turns around, Wonwoo sees the look of relief on his face. Mingyu smiles, then bites his bottom lip so he can stop himself from smiling any wider. Wonwoo holds the strap of his backpack tighter.

"Hyung." Mingyu breathes out, stepping closer to Wonwoo's personal space. He hands him the psychology module, then a flash drive. "We have a quiz next week. And Junhui hyung said you have to print your draft in A3."

"Thanks." He says, taking everything from Mingyu's hands. Their fingers touch, and Wonwoo tries not to gasp at the feeling. Mingyu is now staring at him, the look in his eyes seems like longing; and Wonwoo is about to step back and excuse himself when the younger pulls him into a hug.

"Mingyu, what —"

"Hyung, you made me so worried." Mingyu murmurs after what feels like hours, his hands gripping on the back of Wonwoo's coat, not giving Wonwoo any chance to move freely. "I know you texted me the morning after that you're okay, but when I called you and texted you and you rejected all of them, I was so worried. Hyung, you always answer me."

Mingyu is just rambling. Wonwoo wants to shrink right now, because everyone's looking at them, at Mingyu's desperate hold on him, and the panic on Wonwoo's face. He remembers Seokmin's words that he's popular in the business department. And to see their popular guy hug someone boring like Wonwoo in the middle of the parking lot — there's obviously something going on.

"Then you left all my messages on read without replying, and even though I found out from Jihoon hyung that you were in Changwon with Soonyoung hyung, I—"

"Mingyu, hey." Wonwoo rubs at Mingyu's back to stop him from talking; the feeling of Mingyu's arms around him suddenly gives him warmth he needs in this kind of weather. He should be pushing him away, because people are gawking at them. He should be removing his arms around him because of what happened at the party. But no, he wants it — he badly wants it. It's strange, but familiar feeling.

"Did I do something wrong, hyung?" Mingyu asks, words muffled.

Wonwoo shakes his head. Mingyu never did anything wrong. It has always been Wonwoo. "No, you did not."

"I'm glad, then." Mingyu says, without even moving an inch away. If possible, he's holding him much tighter, like he doesn't want to let go of him. It's intimate, too much for Wonwoo, so he tries to let out the word that's been in his head ever since he met Mingyu in that psychology class.

"Mingyu?" Wonwoo whispers, only for Mingyu to hear. "Why?"

Mingyu slowly pulls away at that question. "Hyung? What do you mean?"

"I mean — why are you doing this to me?" Wonwoo stops at there, hoping for Mingyu to fill in the blanks. He can only hope for that.

Mingyu looks like he gets it, his hands sliding down to Wonwoo's elbow, holding him there this time, so he still can't run away. He meets his eyes, intimidating yet genuine. "Am I crossing the line, hyung? Should I stop?"

It takes him aback. It renders him speechless, the shift in the atmosphere between them stifling. Mingyu still holds him close. The answer to that question should be easy, though in a sense he really doesn't know. He's supposed to be the smart one, and yet he always doesn't know.

 _Why does he always not know?_ God fucking damnnit.

Wonwoo sees the terrified look on Mingyu's face before he moves his eyes down, and says, "I don't know, Mingyu."

He just wishes that it's enough answer for now.

  
•••

  
"Where do you want to go, hyung?"

Wonwoo looks up from his phone. Seokmin just left for his choir meeting (again) and Minghao went to his class. It's just another Wednesday after lunch hang out, and Wonwoo is planning to study in the library until he bores Mingyu and makes him leave him alone, but it looks like it's not going to happen. Mingyu looks at him expectantly, and that — fuck, he really can't say no.

"Uh, can we go to the library?" He tries; and Mingyu just smiles, nodding his head.

"I have a present for you." Mingyu says, placing his messenger bag on his lap and opening it to reveal a thick book. It seems really old, Wonwoo can smell it from across the table. "I saw an old bookstore when I was doing ocular inspection last Sunday so I went in and found this. I thought you might like this so I bought it for you."

Mingyu pushes the book into his direction; and Wonwoo's eyes widen. It's an English puzzle book. "Oh my god, Mingyu."

"Oh my god." Mingyu repeats, imitating Wonwoo's deep voice. He then chuckles when he notices him flipping the pages excitedly. "You like it?"

"Mingyu, I love this." Wonwoo says in amazement. It's almost two hundred pages thick, with assorted puzzles. It's also published back in 1990s, so it can be a collector's item. The puzzle nerd in him is showing, right in front of Mingyu, and it could've been embarrassing if only Mingyu didn't see him answering a difficult crossword puzzle the first time they met. "It must've costed you a lot."

"If you think fifty thousand won is expensive, then yes."

"You could've just told me about this, I would've gone there myself." Wonwoo says, pulling out his wallet in instinct. Mingyu suddenly grabs the book back. "What?"

"You're not going to pay me." Mingyu says, looking affronted. "I said it's a gift."

Wonwoo pouts, asking Mingyu for the book again after he shoved his wallet back in his bag. "What do you want me to do, then?"

Mingyu taps his chin like he's really thinking, then he says, "Can I join you while you answer the puzzle book?"

"Okay." Wonwoo doesn't really have a choice, does he?

So Mingyu grabs his wrist without any more question; and Wonwoo almost drops his bag because the younger is too fast, and also his hand feels warm on his wrist. It's been nearing winter, after all.

He brings him to the library, not on the tables near the librarian where Wonwoo usually sits, but on the far end, covered by bookshelves. He sits on the carpeted floor and pulls him down.

"Why are we here?" Wonwoo says, fixing his posture so he's leaning on the wall. They're situated between two bookshelves, the one on his left is for machine designs and the right one is for hydraulics. Students pass by them to search for books, but they don't really care about them lurking in there.

"It's more comfortable here. And I don't want the librarian looking at us like that. She's scarier than the one in our library." Mingyu says, then taps his book excitingly. "Come on, we should start! We only have one hour to do this."

Wonwoo makes a face at him, then opens the book on the very first page. It's an easy sudoku puzzle, which he answers in no time.

"You didn't even give me the time to think." Mingyu says. "Why are you so smart? Do you have any talent besides this?"

"My fastest time in Rubik's cube is thirty-seven seconds." Wonwoo brags, turning to next page. It's a difficult maze puzzle with ten entrances.

"No way — wait, let me." Mingyu points in each entrances, mouthing eenie-meenie, until it stops on the sixth entrance. "Start here, hyung."

Wonwoo squints his eyes at him, and shrugs. "Okay, I hope your guess is correct."

Mingyu is wrong. So Wonwoo laughs at him, covering his mouth with his fist to stop himself from bursting out loud while Mingyu juts his bottom lip. Wonwoo controls himself not to pinch those cheeks and plant a kiss on his nose. No — just don't. It will make things worse.

"Third entrance, Mingyu." He shakes his head at him, drawing the path with his pencil, then bopping the other's nose with the eraser tip. "You don't guess like that, you dork."

"You're way too serious, hyung." Mingyu says, turning the next page himself. It's a moderate spot the difference one. "Here, I think it's easy."

They both bicker while searching for the difference because as usual, Wonwoo has four eyes and Mingyu only has two. And Wonwoo points out he's right because what he sees is HD.

"Hyung, it's just printing error." Mingyu insists, leaning a lot closer to the page to see if he's right. "We should just check the answer key."

"No!" Wonwoo smacks Mingyu's hand when his fingers touch the pages. He mutters an, 'ow!' and shakes his hand while pouting at him. They both hear a collected 'shhh!' that make them duck their head. "It's not exciting anymore if you look at the answer key."

"Hyung." Mingyu whines, but Wonwoo doesn't mind him, encircling what he thinks are the correct answers. Then he feels something on his shoulder, and when turns his head he sees Mingyu with his chin on his shoulder.

They're too close that their noses touch, and Wonwoo wants to melt into a puddle because Mingyu watches him with eyes that shine like stars, and if he's not daydreaming, then Mingyu looks down at his lips. It's maddening. He's driving him crazy.

Then Mingyu looks away. He takes the book from Wonwoo and flips it upside down to look for the answer key, his chin still digging on the juncture between his neck and shoulder. Wonwoo can't even fight him for it, too distracted with how the other simply takes his breath away. Mingyu then grins, letting out a small laugh. "I told you hyung, it's a printing error."

"I hate you." Wonwoo mutters, pushing Mingyu away from him so he can have his space again. He can't deny that it's a nice feeling to have Mingyu that close to him, but he might not be able to breathe if he lets him in that proximity. Somehow he feels awkward because he cannot flirt back. He doesn't think he can ever.

Mingyu just gives him an exaggerated wink. "You can never hate me, hyung. You love me, right?"

_Does Wonwoo love him?_

"Whatever." He grumbles instead, grabbing the book from Mingyu in mock anger. "Stay there, I'm going to answer this myself."

He hears Mingyu mumbling something in his breath, but Wonwoo doesn't pay him any mind, not bothering to hide the smile that slowly grows on his face.

Mingyu is just too adorable to handle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- kudos and comments are appreciated~!


	12. XII

Wonwoo presses the doorbell to Soonyoung's apartment, and he's welcomed by Jihoon wearing a panda hat and hugging a huge bowl of popcorn. Unlike his best friends, Wonwoo doesn't know the passcode to their apartment, for safety purposes. He might witness something he shouldn't have witnessed if he barged in unannounced and it will haunt him forever.

"Where's Soonyoung?" He asks, crouching to remove his shoes and wearing his slippers from under the shoerack. He plops down beside Jihoon, who just gives him a glance.

"He's at the mall. I can't stop him from buying those tiger print shirts." Jihoon says. "I decided to not go with him because he will just give me a goddamn headache when he tries them on."

Wonwoo snorts, and pops a popcorn in his mouth. "What are you watching?"

"Bohemian Rhapsody. It's good, they said." Jihoon replies. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm taking a break from studying."

"You've been taking a lot of breaks." Jihoon points out, pushing the bowl to Wonwoo when he asks for more. "Ever since you met Mingyu. And it's not a bad thing."

Wonwoo squints at his best friend. "Did Soonyoung tell you?"

"Are you mad?" Jihoon asks. "You know that Soonyoung can't hide things from me."

"And vice-versa." Wonwoo finishes for him, scoffing when Jihoon wiggles his eyebrows at him. "No, I'm not mad. It's not like you're a stranger. You've been there longer than Seokmin."

Jihoon doesn't speak for a while. He looks like he's in deep thought, and whatever it is, Wonwoo is scared to know. Jihoon is highly observant. If Soonyoung's the type to tell right away when he discovered something, Jihoon just stays quiet the whole time. Maybe that's why they're working well as a couple. They don't clash.

Then Jihoon sighs. "I don't talk that much but I'll have you know that you're worrying me. Dr. Han said you weren't listening during your last therapy."

"So that's what Dr. Han told Soonyoung." Wonwoo guesses as such, but didn't bother asking Soonyoung about it. "I don't know why I lost my focus that time."

"Because you're scared of hearing something you don't really want to hear." Jihoon explains, finally pausing the movie to give Wonwoo his attention. "You need to learn how to escape, Wonwoo. Not from us, but from what's holding you down."

Wonwoo just nods, biting his lip in worry. Jihoon is right, he's just that coward to face his fear head on and let it go completely. For how many times he's heard this from his friends and he's still stubborn to digest it. "I'm not sure on what to do with that."

"We're not pressuring you."

"It seems like you are."

Jihoon scoffs. "No, we aren't."

"Fine. Whatever." Wonwoo scowls at Jihoon who is on the verge of laughter.

"So, Mingyu huh?" Jihoon suddenly asks, a playful smirk on his face. "I didn't know that all it takes is a certain Kim Mingyu for you to be like this."

"Isn't that a bad thing?" Wonwoo furrows his eyebrows. "I'm not supposed to relapse, you know. And Mingyu, he was the reason for it."

"You've tried repressing it, haven't you?" Jihoon says softly, just so he won't freak out. Wonwoo nods stiffly. "But it didn't turn right. You became too different from the Wonwoo I first met. When you met Mingyu and became friends with him I told Soonyoung that I haven't seen that look on your face for ages. You look so happy when you're with him, Wonwoo. Like I said before, Mingyu is a good kid."

"You know." Wonwoo starts. "When I'm not with Mingyu, I'm hell-bent on avoiding him the next day we see each other. But when it happens, everything goes poof. Like I didn't even think of it."

Jihoon grins. "He has that magic in him that makes everyone go soft on him. It goes differently on you, I suppose."

"I don't —" he's cut off by the harsh opening of the door, Soonyoung appearing like he just passed by a storm. His face is red, and by the looks of it, he's angry about something. He kicks his shoes off and drops the paper bags on the floor. When he sees Wonwoo, he steps back like a deer in headlights. "Soonyoung?"

"Babe, what happened?" Jihoon stands up and approaches him, tiptoeing to hold his face with his two hands. Soonyoung softens at that, touching Jihoon's sides.

"We should talk later." Soonyoung assures. "I'm okay. Don't worry."

Jihoon doesn't look like he believes him but lets it go. Soonyoung turns to him. "Hey, Wonwoo. You didn't tell me you're coming."

"He's taking a break from studying. Like what everyone does." Jihoon says, trying to elevate the mood. Wonwoo still doesn't know what the hell is happening, why Soonyoung came home fuming with anger, and if that has something to do with him because Soonyoung refused to talk about it until later, probably when he's gone home. Soonyoung doesn't hide things from him, even if it is too personal.

"I'm going home, actually." Wonwoo announces, even if he just arrived thirty minutes ago. He doesn't like it when Soonyoung's mood is like that. The last time he saw that face was two years ago, when he decided to stay in Changwon for a year. "I'll call you when I get home."

"Wait, Wonwoo —" Jihoon tries to stop him by holding his arm while he's putting on his shoes, but Wonwoo only shakes his head.

"Go back to Soonyoung. He needs you." He whispers, patting his best friend's head.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, don't worry about me." Wonwoo chuckles. "Soonyoung looks like he's going to break that multi-million vase his mom bought for him. I don't want that to happen so stop him before he does."

•••

Seeing Mingyu again right in front of his apartment is the least of Wonwoo's expectations right now.

"I cooked more than enough for Junhui hyung and I so I thought I'd bring you some." Mingyu says, lifting a paper bag to Wonwoo's eye level. It's already lunch, and Wonwoo is actually planning on heating some food he receives from his mother weekly. "Mind if I come in?"

"No, come in, come in." Wonwoo opens the door widely for him; and Mingyu goes straight to the kitchen without even asking for his permission. He takes out boxes of food, and it doesn't look like he really cooked 'more than enough'.

"Wow, you cooked a feast." Wonwoo says in wonder, watching as Mingyu prepares plates and utensils for them. "What's the occasion?"

"Oh, nothing. I just wanted to cook, that's all." Mingyu chuckles, beckoning him to sit on the chair. Why is Mingyu treating his apartment as his too? He looks so cute going around his kitchen, opening the cupboards and fixing the placemats for him.

"Where's Junhui?"

"He brought some to Yeonjung for an impromptu date." Mingyu smiles, finally opening the boxes he prepared. God, the smell just makes Wonwoo salivate and hungry. "The guy is still trying to win her heart."

Wonwoo lifts himself a little from his chair to get a look on the food Mingyu cooked. "Does your cousin like him too?"

"She's slowly opening up, I think." Mingyu says. "Junhui hyung likes her too much, he's not really giving up."

"What about you? Don't you have someone? You should brought her some of your food."

And it seems like a really an inappropriate question to ask, because Mingyu just smirks at him.

"Oh, I just did, hyung."

Then, a wink. Wonwoo chokes on the radish he's chewing. "Maybe I should just stop asking questions and eat."

Mingyu is laughing at him, covering his mouth with his hand so it doesn't look as disgusting as Junhui is when he eats with his mouth open.

Wonwoo is amazed with Mingyu's cooking and he's really jealous of what this guy can do. He can do all chores inside the house, he's kindhearted, he's thoughtful, he's everything anyone could ask for. Whoever he ends up with will be very lucky. Wonwoo is just unfortunate in this life.

He's too distracted from thinking while eating that he jolts when he hears a camera shutter from somewhere. He furrows his eyebrows as he sees Mingyu holding his phone up with a toothy smile on his face.

"I'm sorry?" Mingyu doesn't even look like he's really sorry; and Wonwoo's eyes widen at the realization. "Why does Apple's shutter sound so loud? I forgot to turn it off."

He lets Wonwoo see the photo, and Wonwoo just gasps at the image in front of him. He looks like a mess, inhaling his food like he didn't eat for days. He hasn't even taken a bath, really.

"Delete it." Wonwoo warns, right in front of their food, but Mingyu isn't even listening. He shakes his head like a kid who doesn't want to lend his toys to his playmate, and he stands up as Wonwoo tries to reach his arms out to grab his phone. "Mingyu, you —"

"You need to catch me first, hyung!" Mingyu sticks his tongue out, then runs away from him. Wonwoo screams and chases him around his apartment; and Mingyu makes a playful swing of his arms.

Mingyu has long legs, but Wonwoo's too. So he catches him up in no time, cornering him to the wall. But also, Mingyu stands taller than Wonwoo by two inches, so when he puts his phone up as high as he can get, Wonwoo can't even reach the device, even as he tiptoes and tiptoes and tiptoes and jumps and jumps and jumps. It's futile.

"Gyu, give me your phone!" He tries again, and this time he meets Mingyu's eyes. He's watching him with a gentle smile on his face, and he notices that his other hand that's not reaching for the phone is splayed on his chest. He drops it quickly like he's burned, and avoids his eyes. It's awkward, but he really wants the photo to be deleted.

"Can you call me that again?" Mingyu whispers to him.

Wonwoo blinks, confused. "What?"

"Call me Gyu again." Mingyu says again, his tone a lot softer now. "Please?"

"If you will delete the photo, I will call you that again." Wonwoo stresses, tilting his head up to look intimidating.

Mingyu juts his bottom lip. "It should be the other way around, hyung. You know that I have the upper hand."

Wonwoo closes his eyes and inhales through his nose. "Okay. Gyu, will you please delete the photo?"

Mingyu smirks at that. "Ah, hyung. You don't sound so convincing, though?"

Wonwoo flares his nostrils, and lets out the tiniest and cutest voice he can muster. "Gyu, Gyu, Gyu, Gyu, Gyu, can you please delete the photo now. Please, Gyu? Please?"

Mingyu makes a noise and he slowly puts his heels back to the floor, finally giving Wonwoo a chance to grab his phone and delete the offensive photo. He shoves it back to his chest after his mission; and Mingyu gives him a pout.

"It's a waste. I should have backed it up on my iCloud after I took the photo." Mingyu says, trying to give Wonwoo the saddest face ever, like it's going to bring back the photo miraculously. "But it's worth it. I got you to call me Gyu."

"It's not like it's your first time hearing the nickname. Your friends call you Gyu too." Wonwoo says, stepping back to give themselves space. They've been standing way too close it's unnerving.

"It sounds different when it's you, hyung. It's giving me the butterflies in my stomach." Mingyu mutters, his face getting redder by each second. But it seems like it makes him less shy, as he doesn't even bother to hide his face from him. "Now, I don't want anyone to call me Gyu. I want only you to call me by my nickname."

"You're insane." Wonwoo chuckles, just so he can ignore the loud beating of his heart. Has it been really that long since his heart went on like that?

"I'm serious, hyung." Mingyu squints his eyes. He puts his hands on Wonwoo's shoulders, leaning down to meet his eyes. "From now on, call me Gyu, okay?"

"What do I get in exchange of that?" Wonwoo crosses his arms, slightly getting courage too. Why is he even doing this? Why is he flirting back? What has Mingyu done to his brain to function like this? Is this really the magic Jihoon was telling him the other day? The pounding of his chest, the heat creeping up his cheeks, the feeling of butterflies in his stomach, the goosebumps on his skin, the curling of his toes?

"My everlasting loyalty to you." Mingyu says. "And I'm also giving you another one, which is a secret for now."

Is Mingyu feeling the same too? Does Wonwoo gives him the same effect?

"Should we go back to lunch? The food's getting cold." Mingyu leaves him there with a lingering pat on his shoulder.

•••

**mingyu** [18:55]  
i told everyone to stop calling me gyu

 **mingyu** [18:56]  
so do ur part of the deal, ok?

 **won** [18:57]  
i never agreed to something

 **gyu** [18:58]  
u hv no choice!!!!!!!!!! i already told them and they said yes

 **gyu** [18:59]  
hehehehehehe

 **gyu** [18:59]  
u dont want my loyalty hyung?

 **won** [19:00]  
shut up gyu

 **gyu** [19:05]  
hehehehehehehehe hyung ure the best ♡

•••

Seeing Mingyu sleeping on the sofa with his head resting on Wonwoo's lap is the most unexpected thing to ever happen right now. He has his arm shielding his eyes from the light, snoring softly, breathing even.

Junhui just watches them from across the room with a teasing grin; and Wonwoo wants to punch that grin from his face. He's damn sure he's texting Soonyoung about it.

How did they end up like that?

"I have a quiz on one of my minors." Wonwoo told Mingyu after lunch. "Do you have something to do?"

"Nothing, actually."

"You do have lots of time in your hands." Wonwoo noted. Mingyu just shrugged. "So you want to go to the library with me?"

Mingyu shook his head. "Can we go somewhere else? I really don't want to go to the library right now."

"It's freezing outside, Gyu." He said, using the nickname to make Mingyu give in. But Mingyu only smiled at that, still adamant on spending time anywhere else but his beloved library.

"I just thought of somewhere we can go to." Mingyu started. "There's this club of international students where Junhui hyung, Minghao and Jaehyun are a part of."

"Jaehyun?" Wonwoo asks, his interest suddenly caught by the mention of the guy's name. "He's an international student?"

"Yeah, he came from America." Mingyu replied, enthusiasm evident in his tone. "Okay, so their club has its own room where they gather every week. I used to hang out with them during my vacant hours and study there when it's empty. I think Junhui hyung's there right now."

"Is it okay? I mean I'm not an international student." Wonwoo said, imagining the awkwardness that would unfold upon meeting new people, especially those who are of different culture. God, Wonwoo is just socially inept.

"Neither am I, but they accepted me there. Don't worry, no one goes there by this hour. Usually all of them have classes." Mingyu assured, holding his hand out. "So, shall we go?"

And then they ended up in the club room at the arts building, and fortunately for Wonwoo, Junhui was the only person in there.

"I told you, I'm not scared of ghosts." Junhui said, when Wonwoo tried to scare him by telling him a half-baked story about the woman who looked like Sadako wandering around the building. "But you're getting a star from me because at least you tried."

Wonwoo took the offense by heart and plopped down on the couch with a scowl, taking out his history book so he could reread the coverage for his quiz. Damn, he really disliked minor subjects.

Mingyu sat down beside him, watching him with a soft smile on his face. He turned around when the staring was a little too much to handle. "What are you looking at?"

"I don't have anything to do, hyung." Mingyu pouted at him. "And also I'm feeling sleepy."

"Then why don't you take a nap instead of watching me study?"

Mingyu's face brightened at that. "Only if you let me sleep on your lap."

"Mingyu —"

"You're supposed to call me Gyu." Mingyu did those puppy eyes again, and — shit. Junhui was cackling, with a hand on his stomach. Mingyu looked pleased at that. Wonwoo wanted to vanish right now. "Please, hyung?"

Wonwoo really couldn't say no. He needed to learn new tricks to become immune to this. He rolled his eyes before finally saying, "Okay, fine."

Mingyu beamed at him so wide that Wonwoo thought it was not actually a bad idea.

So right now, Mingyu is sleeping soundly on his lap, making Wonwoo unable to move his lower body. He can only move his arms and hands while holding his book. So much for not freezing outside. He's literally immobile.

"You've always been a man of steel, Wonwoo. I didn't know you only need someone like Mingyu to soften you like that?" Junhui says, in the middle of playing with his phone. Wonwoo believes he's not really playing a game — he's updating his best friends by not so subtly sending photos of them on the couch. "You look so cute together."

"Shut up, Junhui. I'm studying." He warns, but the blush in his cheeks makes him less intimidating.

"At the same time, you're the only person who can make Mingyu act like that." Junhui continues, like it's nothing, like Wonwoo's not on the verge of turning into goo.

Wonwoo looks down at Mingyu, then to Junhui. "What do you mean?"

"I think you know the answer to that, my bestest friend."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- kudos and comments are appreciated ~! i love reading them hehe


	13. XIII

**gyu** [17:23]  
hyung

 **gyu** [17:23]  
can u help me find a gift for jihoon hyung

 **gyu** [17:24]  
i'll treat u 2 dinner!!!

 **gyu** [17:24]  
and a movie if u lyk ;)

 **won** [17:25]  
ok

  
•••

  
"What does Jihoon hyung like?" Mingyu asks.

"Hmm, he likes collecting caps." Wonwoo answers, tapping his fingers on his steering wheel. He insisted on driving Mingyu to the mall, because subways and buses are always full during rush hours. "But I suggest you give him other than that."

"What's your gift for him?"

"A saxophone." Wonwoo says, remembering how he saw Jihoon eyeing the saxophone he found in the internet, whispering to him that he's going to buy one once he has enough money for it. He just hopes Soonyoung isn't giving him the same gift or else Jihoon will cry with two saxophones hanging on his neck.

But knowing Soonyoung, he's going to buy him a Cartier jewelry (Wonwoo wishes for a ring, obviously).

"Ah, rich people and their expensive gifts." Mingyu snorts. Wonwoo just glances at him and smirks. "Now you made it harder for me to find a gift."

Wonwoo shakes his head in amusement. "You asked for my help, right? So I'm going to help you. Don't worry about it."

They wander around the men's section of the department's store, looking for something to give Jihoon; and Mingyu has gone through everything that is common — clothes, accessories, gadgets — until he finds something, asking Wonwoo to come closer.

"Does Jihoon like perfume?"

"I'm not sure." Wonwoo thinks of the times Jihoon wears perfume, but can't find something so he needs to ask Soonyoung. "Do you want me to call Soonyoung?"

"Please?" Mingyu smiles at him, so Wonwoo dials Soonyoung's number while Mingyu is talking to the salesperson.

Soonyoung answers right away. "Hi, Won! Something you need?"

"Are you with Jihoon? Mingyu wants to buy him a gift, and he's not sure if he likes perfume."

He can feel Soonyoung smirking from the other line. "Wait a minute."

"Jihoon's in the bathroom." He says, his voice quieter. "He does wear them, he has two bottles here he uses alternately. I'm sure he's going to like it if he gets another one."

Wonwoo looks over his shoulder and notices how Mingyu charms the salesperson with his toothy grins. He tries not to huff. "Any specific scent he likes?"

"Something refreshing. Aquatic?" Soonyoung answers a little enthusiastically.

"Is that what he actually likes? Or yours?" Wonwoo says, earning an indignant noise from him.

"Just! Buy something like that! Thank you in advance!" Soonyoung says, and Wonwoo has to lean away from his phone before he gets ear damage. "Thank your boo for me, okay?"

Wonwoo blushes at the thought of Mingyu being his boo. If only his hand can pass through the phone's screen and pull Soonyoung's hair. "I really hate everything that comes out of your mouth. I'm hanging up, bye."

He ends the call, hearing his best friend's horrific laughter for the last time, and turns around to approach Mingyu.

"Soonyoung says it's a good idea." Wonwoo says, then turns to the salesperson. "Do you have anything that smells like sea? Anything refreshing, aquatic, something like that."

The salesperson beams at them. "We have, sir. I'll get a sample for you."

She sprays a good amount in a thick piece of paper, and hands it to the two of them. "It's actually one of our best sellers. We have one bottle left."

Wonwoo's mouth turns into an 'o' and he turns to look at Mingyu. It really smells good, a perfect scent for summer, like he wants to go to the sea right now. He thinks on buying one for himself when they get another stock.

"We're getting this." Mingyu says, when he sees how Wonwoo rubs the paper on his wrists. The salesperson chuckles at them, before getting the last stock. Mingyu smiles at him. "You really like it, huh?"

"Jihoon will like this." Wonwoo ducks his head in embarrassment. It's a gift for Jihoon, not for him. He needs to snap out of it. Mingyu only claps his hand on his shoulder.

Mingyu pays for the perfume, and asks Wonwoo if they can go back to his car so he can put it inside and do the rest of their plans tonight — right, a dinner and a movie.

Mingyu asks him what he wants, and since Wonwoo noticed a ramen house on their way to the department store, he suddenly craves for it. "I want ramen."

And Wonwoo tries so hard not to snort out his food while Mingyu's telling him about the unfortunate fight between Junhui and the bathroom spider in their apartment last night.

"Our neighbor came by knocking in our door asking if there's something wrong. I had to lie to protect Junhui hyung's reputation. I said Junhui hyung was just reenacting a scene from the movie we watched." Mingyu says, in the middle of slicing the chashu with his chopsticks. It seems like he's consumed all his laugh from that night and just wants to see Wonwoo's reaction to that. And he's succeeding, because Wonwoo almost gets tears in his eyes.

"I can't believe Junhui's scared of spiders!"

"The spider really looked scary, it's big, black, hairy. I couldn't get near too, but I didn't scream like Junhui hyung did." Mingyu says. "The spider jumped out of the window after Junhui hyung prodded him with the end of our curtain rod."

"At least he managed to get it out, or else he won't be showering in your bathroom for quite some time." Wonwoo says, and then notices the other with a spring onion stuck in his cheek. Without even thinking, he takes a napkin and wipes it for him. Mingyu's ears turn red with the gesture. Wonwoo thinks he is, too. He clears his throat. "Finish your food, we need to catch the last full show."

Mingyu finishes his food in record time, making Wonwoo laugh harder.

"What do you want to watch?" Wonwoo asks, looking at the monitor showing the movies for tonight.

"Not that horror." Mingyu points at the horror movie second from the left. "I might not be able to sleep."

Wonwoo turns to squint at him, recalling their movie night from weeks ago. "Why did you even deny to us before that you're not fond of horror movies?"

"I wanted to look cool!" Mingyu defends himself, crossing his arms on his chest. "Besides, Seokmin was scared too."

"What for?" Wonwoo insists.

"I wanted to look cool for you, hyung!" Mingyu blurts out loud, irritated, and when he finally realizes what he said, his eyes widen. "I mean — I wanted to look cool in front of everyone. Not only you, but also for everyone. Ignore what I said, whatever."

Wonwoo inhales sharply, dumbfounded, so he chooses the easy way out to calm his nerves. Mingyu's not even looking at him, just staring at the wall beside the monitor. "Choose whatever movie you like, and I'll buy the snacks."

He falls in line quickly, taking out his wallet to distract himself. Mingyu is taking a huge step with his flirting; and Wonwoo isn't stupid. Has he crossed the line already without him knowing? Did Mingyu erase that line or Wonwoo did it by himself? Should he draw the line again, more obvious and much clearer? Because it's getting confusing and he's not supposed to have a relationship with someone after everything that happened in the past. It will just continue to haunt him forever if he pushes through, and it's going to ruin everything.

"Sir?"

Wonwoo is taken away from his thoughts when the lady manning the cash register calls him. The people in front of him are no longer there, so he walks forward, a shy smile on his face. "Two large buttered popcorn and two large sodas, please."

Wonwoo approaches him after receiving their snacks, and stands beside him on the line. It's a Korean movie they're going to watch, and by the looks of it, it's a psychological thriller.

"That's almost similar to a horror, Mingyu." Wonwoo notes, in his attempt to stop Mingyu to buy those tickets for that movie. He's okay with the movie, but if it's Mingyu's way of acting 'cool', then he really should stop.

"You know _The Silence of the Lambs_?" Mingyu asks; and Wonwoo nods at that, familiar with the movie. "It became one of my favorite movies after watching it from my dad's DVD collection. It was really compelling, and had me think for hours."

"I watched _Gone Girl_ and I think I'm not going to watch it ever again." Wonwoo says that earns a chuckle from Mingyu. He buys two last full show tickets, and they're both lucky to get a seat at the center. "I wasn't even disturbed by the book. The adaptation just made it real."

"Taking that as a suggestion." Mingyu says. "I'm okay with this kind of movies. I just don't like horror and gore."

"I can handle horror, but with gore, I can't." Wonwoo says, as Mingyu leads them to cinema 3 and to their seats. There are only a few people inside, and the movie's about to start in five minutes. "That very first scene from _Saw_ where two guys fight over a woman and one of them have to sacrifice his life or else she's gonna be sliced in half by a huge table saw and —"

"Oh my god, hyung. Stop." Mingyu covers his ear with his hands. "I don't even want to imagine that, good thing I stayed away from that movie."

"I regretted watching it. I couldn't even eat something that has red sauce for a week." Wonwoo recalls. He's glad he's able to ease the awkwardness from earlier. Maybe he's getting good with communicating too. "I wish this movie we're about to watch is not about slicing people in half, right?"

Mingyu gives him a nervous smile. "I hope so."

The movie is not about slicing people in half, fortunately. It's a good movie, though boring in the first hour, it still brought them to the edge of their seats when it reached the climax. Wonwoo even winced at some scenes that looked very realistic. He happened to glance at Mingyu during the movie, and he didn't really look like he's scared or bothered. He was quiet throughout the movie, his elbow propped on the armrest between them with his chin sitting on the heel of his palm. He actually looked cool in his eyes — hot even. Shit.

"I really want to watch it again! I should ask Minghao to come with me." Mingyu says excitedly, after they exit the cinema. Wonwoo throws their empty popcorn boxes and cups to the nearest trash can.

"Finals are about to start." Wonwoo scolds him lightly, and also he's not a fan of the idea of Mingyu coming to the cinema with Minghao. Or with Jaehyun. Holy shit. "You're supposed to be studying. Don't you have a feasib to finish?"

"We're about to finish that." Mingyu mutters. "We're just double checking the spelling, grammar and citations. When it's done by next week then we're submitting it before the deadline so we can have time to practice the presentation."

Wonwoo cocks his head to the side. "What about your calculus?"

"Hyung." Mingyu whines, wrapping his arm around his. "You're nagging."

Wonwoo's about to retort that he's not a nagger, when he hears someone calling his name.

"Wonwoo?"

Wonwoo stiffens on his spot. He knows that voice. He fucking knows it.

"Wonwoo! It's you!" He points at Wonwoo with that amazed look on his face. Wonwoo curls both of his hands into a fist. "Whoa, how long has it been? Two years? Three? The last time we saw each other was senior high, right?"

Wonwoo just stares at him, shocked and unable to say anything, and when he realizes that Mingyu is still with them, he curses out loud. The son of a bitch doesn't even flinch and looks at Mingyu with that annoying glint in his eyes.

"Hey, who are you? Are you Wonwoo's boyfriend?" He holds out his disgusting hand to Mingyu. "I'm Lee Hyun. I'm Wonwoo's ex-boyfriend, I guess."

Mingyu, unsuspecting as he is, awkwardly takes the hand and shakes it. "I'm Mingyu. And I'm only his friend."

"Ahh, it won't take that much time and Wonwoo will definitely ask you out. He easily gets attracted to handsome guys like us, you know." He even has the nerve to laugh at that. He then turns his attention back to Wonwoo. "By the way, I bumped into Soonyoung recently and —"

That is when Wonwoo wakes up to reality, and he grabs Mingyu's wrist. "Mingyu, we should go."

He drags him away from that filthy man, and even before they leave the cinema lobby he hears him call out, "Let's keep in touch, okay? Bye, Wonwoo!"

Wonwoo just keeps on holding Mingyu's wrist, bringing him to the parking lot. They have to get out of that place. They need to go home. Fuck, he needs to go home.

"Who is that, hyung?" Mingyu finally breaks his silence, stopping Wonwoo from pulling him away.

Wonwoo takes a deep breath, dropping the other's hand. He's lucky that he kept his pills in his car. He needs to take them before he collapses again. "Let's just go home, Mingyu."

"Hyung, wait —" Mingyu tries to stop him this time, his hand on his arm. "You have to answer me, who is he?"

"I said we're going home! Can you stop asking me questions?" Wonwoo snaps, removing Mingyu's hand from his arm a little harshly. He's not supposed to break down like this, right in front of Mingyu. He takes another deep breath again. "Mingyu, please."

Mingyu looks at him with worry, before holding his palm up. "We're only going home if I'm going to drive. I don't think you can drive right now."

Wonwoo gives up, tossing the keys to Mingyu's hand and proceeding to walk to the parking lot. When he finds his car, he waits for Mingyu to unlock it and he quickly slips inside to look for his pills. He is very aware that Mingyu is watching him as he puts two pills in his shaking palm and swallows it together with the water bottle he keeps in the center compartment, but right now he doesn't care. Maybe that will answer some of Mingyu's months-old questions in his mind.

The drive home is quiet, save for the soft music Mingyu turned on to lift his mood up. Wonwoo just stares outside the window, realizing that he was plain rude to Mingyu when he was just really curious as to why Wonwoo suddenly dragged him away like that without saying any word to his 'ex'. Who's not going to ask upon seeing that kind of reaction, right?

Wonwoo sighs, before speaking. "Sorry for snapping at you."

There's no answer coming from his left side, and when he glances at him he notices how the other grips the steering wheel so hard. Mingyu looks so disappointed.

"He must be an asshole." Mingyu says, after a few minutes of not responding. "It's okay. I understand."

"He is indeed an asshole and I really don't want to talk about him." Wonwoo says quietly. Even if Mingyu just met a person of his past, he's not going to tell him the whole story about him. It took him lots of tears and refusal before he got to tell Dr. Han and Seokmin about what happened that time. He's not ready to do that again. And he's not sure how Mingyu's going to take it.

When they arrive at Wonwoo's apartment, Mingyu just waves him good bye and leaves him alone at the parking lot. Fuck. Wonwoo feels like he's the absolute worst.

Wonwoo tries to calm himself before dialling Soonyoung's number as he jumps onto his bed. He's not going to cry, fuck. He's not going to cry.

"Wonwoo?" Soonyoung answers after a few rings. "How ya doing, bud?"

"Why didn't you tell me that you've already met Hyun?"

There's silence, and then he hears Soonyoung calling Jihoon frantically in the background.

"Was that the reason why you came home angry?" He asks him again. "Answer me, Soonyoung. Goddamnit."

"I'm sorry." Soonyoung says, voice shaking. "I really don't want to tell you about that. I don't think it's necessary for you to know."

"You should've told me, Soonyoung. So I could prepare myself."

Soonyoung just mumbles another apology, then tells him the whole story of what happened. He was at the mall, and bumped into Hyun when he was looking for jeans. He also tells Wonwoo how he restrained himself from punching the guy and making a scene there when the other initiated a conversation. He walked out after telling him that he can't remember him.

"How can I not remember him?" Soonyoung adds angrily. It's been a long while since they brought up this conversation, about their high school lives and about Lee Hyun, as they tend to cut themselves off mid-sentence so they won't get reminded of those ugly times. And Wonwoo's thankful on how long his best friends endured with him. "He ruined my best friend's life. And I'm going to hate him forever."

"Fuck, I just remembered something." Wonwoo puts a palm on his forehead. It's winter and yet he's sweating profusely. He's not thinking straight and he feels the side effect of his pills now. He's getting sleepy. "He's supposed to be released from detention center this year."

"Holy shit." Soonyoung curses, probably realizing it too. "Are you home? Do you want Jihoon and I to come over?"

"No need to do that. My meds are about to kick in." Wonwoo ends the call after he says bye and lets the phone fall on his side. And before he can close his eyes to sleep he feels a single tear gliding down his cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- uh,,, ooops? sorry if this fic has been really frustrating :(  
> \- i appreciate all the comments, i love reading them and it motivates me to write more~  
> \- i'm on home quarantine rn so i was able to write a few more chapters haha stay safe, guys!


	14. XIV

When Wonwoo opens his eyes, Seokmin's face is merely inches away from him.

"What the fuck, Seokmin. You scared me." He turns around, burying his face into his pillow. "What are you doing here?"

"Your breath stinks, hyung." Wonwoo feels Seokmin sitting on the edge of his bed. "I watched a movie using your Netflix after cooking breakfast. I've been here since morning."

"What morning? It's just six." Wonwoo mumbles, then he realizes something. He removes the sheets from over him, sits up and looks at his clock. It's one in the afternoon. "What the fuck? You didn't wake me up?"

"I did, but you weren't waking up." Seokmin says, fixing the bed for him when he hops off. He's skipped two classes already. He still has time before his 3PM class. "Soonyoung hyung said you took your meds again."

"It's been months since I last took them so I think the side effects went back again." Wonwoo says, then peeks on the gap of his door to call Seokmin. "Wait, don't you have any class?"

"My morning class got canceled today, so I went here after Soonyoung hyung told me everything." Seokmin replies. He looks like he wants to ask Wonwoo something, but stops himself from doing so. Even though he just woke up, Wonwoo still feels tired. He's too tired and he doesn't want to retell everything. His head hurts too much. "I have one class later though, then rehearsal. I might be late to Jihoon's party."

Right. Today is Jihoon's birthday. Another party after what happened at Minghao's. It's a smaller one, but Mingyu will be there. He doesn't know how to face him after what happened last night — Lee Hyun and his bottle of anxiety pills hidden in his car.

He bites his bottom lip, then decides on doing what he's best at. "I think I'm going to sit out on his party tonight."

Seokmin stops from cleaning Wonwoo's space to look at him. "You sure?"

"Yeah. I will tell Jihoon later."

  
•••

  
Jihoon says it's okay, without even asking more questions.

"Really? You're not mad?" Wonwoo asks, as Seokmin holds out his own phone at him while he drives. He hasn't checked his phone since last night, scared of seeing Mingyu texting or calling him.

"Do you even know me, Wonwoo?" Jihoon asks incredulously. "I wouldn't even bother throwing a party. Soonyoung just kept on nagging me to agree."

"You're just whipped." Seokmin answers back, that makes Wonwoo laugh.

"Who are you? You're not invited." Jihoon retorts, while Seokmin whines in the background. "Wonwoo, that's okay. You've been through much these past weeks I won't hold it against you."

"You're the best, Ji." Wonwoo says. "If you're not too hung over tomorrow, you can pick up your gift from my place. Or I can bring it to you."

"You bought me a car?" Jihoon asks excitedly. Wonwoo rolls his eyes, amused. "One of your company's best cars? I like that blue one displayed right now at Gangnam branch."

"Much better than a car, hyung." Seokmin answers for him, too enthusiastic that he just sounds fake. He doesn't know about the gift, as it is safely wrapped and hidden in his library. He just loves ruining Jihoon's day. And Jihoon just loves fighting back.

Wonwoo pulls over at the university parking lot. "Happy birthday, Jihoon. Have fun later. Love you."

"Thanks, Wonwoo." Jihoon says. "Love you too."

"Happy birth— wow he turned it off." Seokmin mutters in disbelief, then pockets his phone. He turns to look at Wonwoo. "Thanks for the ride, hyung."

"Yeah, yeah. No problem." Wonwoo says, reaching out behind to grab his bag.

Seokmin removes his seatbelt. "What are you going to do later?"

"Finals are coming." Wonwoo says matter-of-factly. "Of course I'm going to study. I just skipped two classes earlier so I have to catch up."

"What if Mingyu looks for you later?"

"I don't really care." Wonwoo concludes, not even letting Seokmin push the topic further. Seokmin just sighs. "Let's go. We're running late."

  
•••

  
Wonwoo goes through all his notes, problem sets, plates, and all those modules he missed earlier (he had his hands curled on his side while he asked his classmate if he could photocopy them), makes a reviewer and sticks post-its on the whiteboard full of illustrations. He's doing great tonight, he's productive, and he's managed to not lose his focus even though his hand is itching to pick up his phone on the bed. It's dead when he arrived home, and lets it charge while turned off.

He sighs when he finally closes his book, and decides to take a break before continuing their final project in his drafting class. It's just a simple floor layout, and to save time, he's drawing his apartment's floor plan. His professor won't know.

But even before he can stand up, his eyes dart to his phone on his bed; and without much thought anymore, he gives up and dives on it. He turns it on, waits impatiently for the phone to boot up and then opens his messages app once it's ready. There are messages, mostly from Soonyoung complaining, and there are two from Mingyu.

**gyu** [08:32]  
good morning hyung

**gyu** [08:33]  
r we ok?

Opposite to what he expected, Mingyu didn't bombard him with messages and calls. He probably just gave up when he thought Wonwoo was just being himself again and ignoring his messages. He feels really disappointed at that, but who can blame him? Mingyu must be tired of him, like those people he pushed away so insistently.

He's about to drop his phone when it lights up, and upon seeing Mingyu's name and a preview of his message on the screen, his heart suddenly pounds in his chest loudly. He's wrong — Mingyu still isn't giving up on him.

**gyu** [22:11]  
soonyoung hyung said u cant go cos ur cat is in labor

**gyu** [21:12]  
thats very lame he cant even think of a better alibi

**gyu** [21:13]  
call me when ure ready, hyung i'll be waiting :-)

Wonwoo just can't stand it anymore. He feels like exploding any minute now. So he dials Mingyu's number and waits for him to answer.

"Hyung?"

He can't hear anything on the background, so he assumes Mingyu went out to answer his call. "Hi, Gyu."

"Are you okay?"

Wonwoo picks at the loose thread of his pillowcase. Should he lie? Because he is definitely not okay. Will Mingyu find out if he did?

But Mingyu answers it for him. "I guess not."

"You should be at the party right now." Wonwoo says instead. Mingyu doesn't sound like he's looking for explanations right now.

"Yet you still called me." Mingyu points out. "Besides, it's not fun if you're not here."

"I would just kill the party's mood if I were there." Wonwoo laughs.

Mingyu doesn't laugh with him. "I told you, it's never fun without you, hyung."

"Whatever you say, Mingyu —"

"Can I tell you something?" Mingyu cuts him off; and Wonwoo stiffens at that. Is he going to bring up last night? Is he going to ask about that son of a bitch who ruined his life?

Wonwoo readies himself. "Sure."

"Actually hyung —" there's a sharp intake of breath, then, "Hyung, I'm outside of your apartment right now."

"What?" Wonwoo's eyes widen in shock, and he scrambles out of his bed and speed walks to his door. "You'd better be joking, or else — oh. You're really here."

Mingyu has his phone on his ear the moment Wonwoo opens his door, and he wiggles his fingers at him. "Or else what?"

"How long have you been here?" Wonwoo mumbles, opening his door widely so Mingyu can step in.

"Since I texted you." Mingyu simply says.

"What about Jihoon's party? Did you even go there?"

Mingyu chuckles. "Of course I went to Jihoon hyung's party. I greeted him and stayed for a few drinks, until Soonyoung hyung kicked me out."

"Why would Soonyoung do that?'' Wonwoo furrows his eyebrows, watching in disbelief as Mingyu plops down on his couch and lolls his head on the backrest.

"Because I'm killing the party's mood." Mingyu imitates his voice, how he said it earlier on the phone. He's not even trying to be funny.

"Mingyu." He crosses his arms on his chest. "Seriously?"

"I can't have fun without you." Mingyu repeats, but this time he's emphasizing that it's all about himself, not the party in general. "Can I just stay here instead?"

"What do you plan on doing here?"

"Celebrate Jihoon's birthday with you?"

"Mingyu —"

"So you don't want me here?" Mingyu looks at him pleadingly; and just with that pout on his face Wonwoo completely gives up. Again.

He sits beside him. "I can't offer you anything to celebrate Jihoon's birthday. My grocery shopping is scheduled tomorrow."

"Now you sound like a workaholic businessman who can't even take a break." Mingyu comments, scooting closer until their thighs are touching. "I'm afraid of what you will be in the future, hyung."

To be honest, Wonwoo is afraid too. He has his goals set up after choosing mechanical engineering, seeing that his father needs a successor once he retires. It didn't seem scary at first, knowing that he doesn't have to worry about applying for different companies and facing rejections after rejections. He can climb up the company ladder with much ease, and be his father's apprentice. After that he will go to work, exert too much effort to prove his worth, and pull an all-nighter when there's a deadline to catch. He will mingle with lots of people, listen to his employees' suggestions and complaints, meet potential investors and deal with the stockholders that can be very overwhelming. And then he's going home after that, sleeps, then wakes up to do the same thing all over again. What made him scared is that he's going to live a boring life that runs in an endless loop.

"Can I just borrow your shoulder for a while?" Mingyu asks, taking him away from his train of thought, and doesn't wait for his answer as he leans his head on his shoulder. He's quiet for a little while, before he speaks up again. "I have lots of questions, hyung. But I'm too scared to ask. You might get angry and I don't want that to happen."

Wonwoo feels the desperation in his voice. He then takes a deep breath. "I'll let you ask one question. Answerable by yes or no."

He looks down and notices Mingyu playing with his own fingers. He wants to reach out and hold them. And maybe intertwine their fingers.

"Are you taking anxiety medications?" Mingyu asks, almost inaudible, but with the close distance between them, Wonwoo is able to hear it clearly.

Wonwoo thinks there's no reason to lie. Mingyu saw it. He saw him opening a bottle and shoving two pills into his mouth with shaky hands. He didn't even bother hiding the label. "Yeah. I am."

Mingyu becomes silent again, probably absorbing this new information about him. It's a deafening silence, Wonwoo is scared of what he's going to say next.

"I had a hunch."

Wonwoo takes a deep breath. He didn't expect that. "What?"

"Remember when I slept here and used your bathroom in the morning?" Mingyu asks. He's talking about the movie night that happened about a month ago. Wonwoo nods. "I was looking for a new toothbrush when I accidentally saw that same bottle in your cabinet. I searched it up on Google and that's when I realized."

"I should have hidden it better." Wonwoo tries to force out a laugh. "Why didn't you ask me about it?"

"I don't think it's appropriate. And I was scared you're gonna be angry for invading your privacy. I mean, it's not something you can easily share to everyone." Mingyu explains. "That made me understand you more. I knew you weren't drunk that time on Minghao's party. Soonyoung hyung looked way too serious for someone who was only going to take care of a drunk person."

Wonwoo really underestimated him. Now, he's terrified of what's going on in Mingyu's mind. He could've stitched all his theories in his mind and is just waiting for him to confirm it. "Why did you ask something you already know the answer to?"

"Because you're uncomfortable, hyung. About what happened last night and me coming here out of the blue." Mingyu muses. "So I'll just ask the obvious."

"Are you staying the night?" Wonwoo suddenly asks, quietly, and feels Mingyu sigh under him. He should be going back to studying, but he can't even say anything, can't even stand up and tell Mingyu to just go home and sleep. Mingyu keeps him there, making himself smaller so he can fit under Wonwoo's chin. Wonwoo, without hesitation, wraps his arm around his broad shoulders, lifts the other's legs up and places it down on his lap. Well, the younger looks like he's going to fall off the couch any minute now so he has to hold him up. Mingyu puts his arm on his nape, his other arm on his side.

"If you want me to." Mingyu replies. He talks really slow now, a sign that he's getting sleepy. "I don't mind going home if I'm making you uncomfortable. I'm really sorry, hyung."

"Do you think this makes me uncomfortable?" Wonwoo teases and grins when Mingyu makes a petulant noise. He doesn't regret having him here, even if it's temporary. It won't be like this forever, so he's just going to savor the moment. Next time, he's really going to push him away. "Sleep, you big baby."

  
•••

  
So Mingyu stayed the night, Wonwoo detaching himself once he heard the other snoring. He chuckled as he covered him with blankets, watching him fondly. No one would judge him if he were to sit like that beside him, sleeping and hugging his crossed legs.

He already knows what Mingyu feels about him. Like Soonyoung said before, it's not rocket science. He's aware of how Mingyu looks at him. Even though he's too focused on what he feels whenever he's with Mingyu, he knows that those hugs, smiles and flirting from him are something else. At first he tries deluding himself by thinking that it's Jaehyun or Minghao Mingyu likes, but he can't fool himself any much longer. And his friends aren't helping either.

After this, no more indulging himself. He doesn't want to drag Mingyu down with him, in this hellhole he made for himself. He doesn't want Mingyu to suffer just like him, and regret those days he spent with him. He doesn't want to come to a point where Mingyu would blame him for all of this. Wonwoo wants to suffer alone. Someone as kindhearted like Mingyu can have the whole world, and doesn't deserve to be stuck with him.

He wants Mingyu to thank him for saving him from a disaster named Wonwoo.

He woke up earlier than Mingyu, and he almost fell when he stood up, his legs feeling like jelly. He carefully slipped into his kitchen, and prepared breakfast.

Mingyu woke up not too long after, and he gave Wonwoo a little smile as he padded into his bathroom. It suddenly felt domestic, and the thought turned into chaotic.

"If you don't mind me asking, what are those?" Mingyu asks after breakfast, as he watches Wonwoo put down his medicine box on the table and prepare the tablets that need to be cut into half. Now that Mingyu knows about his condition, he doesn't need to hide them anymore.

"These are antidepressants. Are you familiar with serotonin?" Wonwoo asks; and Mingyu shakes his head. He continues, "Serotonin is what we call the happy chemical. People with mental illness lack them. So we take these meds to help us with the chemical imbalance."

"That's a lot of information to take." Mingyu mutters. Wonwoo shrugs, and begins to cut his meds using his tablet cutter. Whenever he cuts them in half or one-fourth, he enjoys the simple things like cutting them as precisely as he can along the line carved on top.

"Yeah. Soonyoung, Jihoon and Seokmin even signed up for a seminar with me to familiarize themselves." Wonwoo recalls. His best friends really tagged along with him, even taking photos of the ppt slides so they wouldn't forget anything. They looked so cute that time that Wonwoo almost teared up. That's the reason why they know how to handle Wonwoo, especially in his depressive episodes.

Mingyu nods, propping his elbow on the countertop with complete interest on the topic. "Wow. Okay, so what are the physical effects of your meds?"

"On my first weeks of taking them, I slept a lot. But after two months, I think, it doesn't make me sleepy anymore. It calms me down when I'm having anxiety attacks — the devil incarnate."

"That time in Minghao's party, you were having an anxiety attack in the bathroom?"

Wonwoo hums. "I did. That's why I went to Changwon with Soonyoung. He accompanied me to my psychiatrist."

"Your psychiatrist is at Changwon?" Mingyu cocks his head on his side in plain curiosity. "But your family stays here in Seoul, right? Why do you have to go all the way to Changwon to visit your doctor?"

Mingyu must have seen the apprehension on his face. Wonwoo looks down at his tablets, then puts them one-by-one in the little boxes he brings everyday to university. That's when he stops talking. He can't let Mingyu know the root cause of this, why he's suffering, why he has the worst trust issues in this world.

"Sorry, I asked a lot. You don't have to answer that." Mingyu holds his hand up. Wonwoo smiles sadly. "It actually explains everything, from our first meeting until now."

"About my behavior?" Wonwoo mumbles; and Mingyu says yes. "Thank you for understanding me."

"Always, hyung." Mingyu beams at him so wide it blinds Wonwoo. And falls once again. And hurts him once again.

  
•••

  
Wonwoo slings the saxophone case on his shoulder and waits for either Soonyoung or Jihoon to open the door for him. He has tears on his face — the tears that haven't stopped flowing since Mingyu left his apartment. He couldn't take it anymore, when Mingyu hugged him again, so tight, telling him that he will always be there when he needs him. But Wonwoo can't let him stay on his side. While he can, he's giving up on him. While it's not yet deep, he's going to end it.

Jihoon opens the door for him, and his eyes widen at the sight of Wonwoo crying. "Wonwoo?"

Wonwoo removes the case from his shoulder, and almost shoves the whole thing to Jihoon's face. "Your gift. It's a saxophone."

"Wait." Jihoon takes the case from him, carefully placing the case down on the floor, and takes him in. He doesn't even squeal when he finds out it's a saxophone he's been dying to have, and it ruins the surprise. Wonwoo always ruins everything. "Why the heck are you crying?"

"Mingyu —" he chokes out, then wraps his arms around Jihoon. "I'm such a mess."

"Hey, Wonwoo. Look at me." Jihoon pulls his face away from his shoulder. "It's alright. It's alright."

"Oh, it's Won—" Soonyoung stops on his tracks when he sees the tears on his face. "Oh god, Wonwoo."

He tells them what happened in the cinema, that time Mingyu saw him with his meds, about Mingyu ditching Jihoon's party to stay the night in his apartment, and how he hugged him before going home.

"After I saw Lee Hyun that night, I know for myself that I can't love someone else." Wonwoo covers his face with his hands. Soonyoung hugs him close, petting his hair gently. "I can't even look at Mingyu without thinking of Lee Hyun and how he destroyed me."

"I think," Jihoon starts, and has become silent after that that Soonyoung has to ask him to continue. "You need to talk to Lee Hyun."

"No way in hell." Soonyoung snarls. Wonwoo can feel the bite in his tone. "There is no way I'm going to let that motherfucker talk to Wonwoo, Jihoon."

"But he needs closure!" Jihoon argues back. "He can never move on if he doesn't talk to him and end whatever that needs to be ended."

"I'm sorry, Jihoon. But no." Soonyoung hisses. "We can bring him to Dr. Han again. He's been doing great these past few months and I don't want that guy to turn that into waste."

Wonwoo removes his hands from his face, his palms now wet with tears. With his blurry vision he can see Jihoon standing up in defeat, stomping back to their room.

"Stop fighting." Wonwoo mumbles, feeling helpless. If he thinks hard about it, Jihoon is actually making sense. The last time they saw each other was inside the school president's office, his mother pulling him away and yelling at him to empty his things in the classroom and in his locker. They never really got the 'closure' Jihoon is saying. "I think Jihoon's right."

"Wonwoo." Soonyoung warns exasperatedly. He drops his arms around him. "I'm going to call Dr. Han so she can help you sort these things out."

"I don't need her right now!" Wonwoo snaps. Soonyoung gasps at him, wide-eyed, his mouth clamped shut. He sighs in defeat. He's a mess, and he still has finals to stress over. "Please, Soonyoung. Let me think this through."

Soonyoung stands up, leaving him alone in that big living room. The tears start flowing again, and curses inwardly because it just doesn't stop. Why does ending things with Mingyu felt like a break-up when they're not even dating? He's just going to end the friendship they have, so he can kill the feelings he has for him, at the same time help Mingyu move on. He has done the pushing away lots of times, but with Mingyu it's tearing him apart.

He doesn't know how many minutes have passed until Soonyoung comes back, sitting beside Wonwoo. He puts his hand on his back.

"If you want to talk to him, then let's do it. We can hire someone to look for him, whatever. Just tell me when, and please don't do things alone." Soonyoung finally says.

Wonwoo grips on his knees, before nodding. "Yeah. Thank you and I'm sorry."

Soonyoung leans forward and hugs him again, tucking Wonwoo under his chin. "I will do everything to make you feel better, Won."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- i wrote this while listening to ed sheeran's 'how would you feel', on that part where gyu was waiting at the door of won's apartment uwu  
> \- how i got all this info about serotonin etc? well actually that's what my psychiatrist told me huhuhu  
> \- if you have any questions about wonwoo's thought process, like how his thoughts jump from one to another, why he acts like that, etc anything that won't make me spoil the story, you are free to ask me on cc @ wonwons, or you can comment below and i will gladly answer them :)  
> \- i love reading the nice words from you! always remember that you are loved, and be safe! :D


	15. XV

The next thing Wonwoo knows, he's acting all cold to Mingyu. He can easily blame it on the upcoming finals next week, when he tries to avoid all of Mingyu's invitations to hang out. He didn't even talk to him during their last psychology class, leaving him there in the classroom without looking back. He's more determined this time, and if he continues on it Mingyu will soon give up.

Mingyu insists on staying with him during lunch, saying he doesn't have anywhere to go and he doesn't have anything to do.

"Then you should be studying. We have finals next week." Wonwoo simply says, writing equations after equations that he can't understand because Mingyu is just sitting across from him and Wonwoo's about to have a meltdown.

"I can't find the motivation to study." Mingyu says, grabbing one of Wonwoo's books and flipping the pages carelessly. Wonwoo grumbles and pulls the book away from him.

Maybe it's a little harsh, because Mingyu stares at him in disbelief. "Is there something wrong, hyung?"

Wonwoo doesn't reply, and when he makes a mistake on one of the formula, he erases it with more force than necessary that he almost forms a hole on the paper.

Mingyu reaches out and holds Wonwoo's hand that's gripping the pencil. "Hyung, are you mad at me?"

"No, I'm not." Wonwoo removes the hand on top of him, and proceeds on writing a string of numbers and letters he can't decipher. He's not mad at Mingyu. He will never be angry at him. Wonwoo is mad at himself. "I'm just stressing over the finals."

He sees Mingyu pull his hand away, and that the look on his face is making him want to cry. He wants to apologize, but he can't find the courage to do it because he's the most coward person in the world. And Mingyu doesn't deserve someone like him.

"Hyung."

"What?" Wonwoo doesn't look up, just waiting for Mingyu to continue.

There's a pause — a very long one — then, "Jaehyun asked me out."

That makes him stop, his handwriting suddenly becoming blurry and distorted. It seems like his whole body has gone numb, but he still feels the pang in his chest. It's long overdue though, from the way Jaehyun looks at Mingyu it's obvious that he likes him so much. They suit each other well, and he can make Mingyu so happy, unlike Wonwoo who brings thunderstorm clouds above his head every single day. He can never make Mingyu smile like Jaehyun does.

They should just date and leave him alone. That's what he deserves.

Wonwoo bites the inside of his cheek before speaking. "So?"

"So?" Mingyu repeats coldly; and when Wonwoo looks up at him (he's scared shitless to even look at him, but he has to), his face is expressionless. "That's the only thing you can say?"

"Then what do you expect me to say?" Wonwoo spits out, the words bitter on his tongue. Mingyu's face turns red; he knows he's getting angry now. "I don't care, really. You can date whoever you want."

Mingyu then lets out a humorless laugh. It grates his ears painfully. "Hyung, don't give me such half-hearted response. I want to know what's really going on in your mind."

Wonwoo closes his notebook shut. This is it. "Too many, Mingyu. There are so many things in my head right now but I don't think it's any of your business."

Mingyu stands up abruptly, the noise coming from his chair startling the students sitting near them. The librarian glares at Wonwoo. He picks up his bag and walks out without even saying anything.

Wonwoo feels like there's a cold water being splashed on top of his head right now. He feels tears coming out of his eyes, and he angrily wipes it with the back of his hand.

That's what he deserves.

  
•••

  
Mingyu doesn't text or call him anymore after that. It doesn't help with Wonwoo's misery though, as he keeps on losing focus while studying, and at one point he just crumpled all his papers and stormed out of his apartment, without wearing anything to cover himself from the cold.

He returns home all snotty and hands freezing from staying outdoors with negative temperature, and he thinks that's not enough punishment for hurting someone who doesn't deserve to be hurt at all. He ends up crying on his bathtub, filling it with hot water. He just wants to feel numb, he wants to feel nothing. He wants Mingyu.

His first final of the week is psychology. He shows up in the room all covered up, sick and feeling dizzy. He tries not to turn to his side and look at Mingyu who's sitting beside him, quietly answering the questionnaire. He braves his way until the end, and when he's about to pass the paper, he sees Mingyu coming up in front and slamming the paper on Mr. Park's desk. The professor only looks at him weirdly, and without even sparing a glance on Wonwoo, he picks up his things and leaves the classroom. It's their last psychology class together, and after that Wonwoo might not be able to see him anymore.

He doesn't see Junhui on their next class, as they were instructed to just leave their project on their professor's desk in the faculty room, which he already did last week. He's also scared of meeting Junhui, because he's Mingyu's best friend. He doesn't want to hear anything from him, doesn't want to see those accusing eyes.

There's no escape from Junhui, unfortunately. On Thursday night, he receives a call from him.

"Get your shit together, Wonwoo." is the first thing he hears after picking up the call. His words are slurred, like he's been drinking. "I don't know what the fuck is going on between you two, but if you don't have any feelings for Mingyu like everyone of us assumed and you're just leading him on, then fucking stop. He's like my brother, Wonwoo. I hate seeing him like this, fuck —"

Wonwoo doesn't get any sleep that night.

On Friday, Wonwoo feels like he's about to faint any moment now. He's not sick anymore, but it still feels the same. He can feel tears again in his eyes when he can't answer the last question on his last exam of the semester, which bears huge points. He slams his forehead on his desk, repeatedly, until his professor calls his attention.

"Are you okay, Mr. Jeon?"

Wonwoo takes a deep inhale, and nods stiffly. He goes back to his exam paper, and thinks that he can't answer it anymore. Even if he fails this exam, he's still going to pass. It might hurt his GPA, though. He might lose the scholarship. He tries answering the question once again, a teardrop ruining the ink on the paper. At the end it's still a wrong answer, but maybe he'll get extra points for effort. Better than nothing.

He exits the classroom, and realizes that it's the end of the semester. He will be home for the holidays and pretend to his parents that he's okay, and maybe his father will bring him to assist in some company affairs so he won't get bored during the winter break. He decided that he's not going for winter sessions, choosing to stay indoors and sleep until he doesn't feel anything anymore.

Wonwoo's about to walk to his car — no more strength to even celebrate the end of the semester — when he finds Mingyu leaning on the side of his car, obviously waiting for him. He's looking down, scuffing his toe on the concrete.

He swallows a lump in his throat, before approaching him.

"Mingyu."

Mingyu looks up; and Wonwoo wants to collapse on the spot. Mingyu's eyes are red, and he looks very tired. He's no different from Wonwoo. It's like he's seeing himself in front of the mirror.

Mingyu pulls himself off the car. "Hyung."

"What are you doing here?" Wonwoo asks. He winces at the tone he's using. It's rough and cold.

Mingyu looks like he's fazed by it. "How are the exams?"

They were bad, really, really bad. It was his worst performance ever. "It was good. I did very well. You?"

Mingyu scratches the back of his neck. "I don't know. I think I did bad."

It's Wonwoo's fault, obviously. "Why?"

"Can we talk?" Mingyu weakly says, ignoring his question. Wonwoo's heart begins to break. "Please, hyung. We need to talk."

Mingyu sounds frustrated. He holds on Wonwoo's wrist, and that alone Wonwoo wants to pull him into a hug and not let him go. But he can't. He can't do it.

"Okay. What do you want to talk about?" Wonwoo gives in, and this is the last. He's going to tell Mingyu directly that there's nothing to hope for, that they can't be what Mingyu wants them to be.

Mingyu probably thinks there's no other place to talk. It's this university parking lot, and nowhere else. He is still holding on Wonwoo's wrist. "I — did I read it wrong? Am I the only one who's feeling like this?"

Wonwoo's hand lifts and holds the other's wrist, the one that's holding his. He knows what Mingyu's talking about, but he still has the guts to ask, to force those words out of his lips. "What do you mean?"

"You're really going to make me say it?" Mingyu murmurs, trying to ease the atmosphere by chuckling, but it fails. "I know that you know. That I — I like you, hyung. No, shit — I think I'm falling in love with you."

Wonwoo's breath hitches, too loud that Mingyu meets his eyes, his grip on his wrist tightening. He knows. He knows this already but it is too much to take, too much to digest. Too much that Wonwoo thinks he's going to collapse right on the spot.

Mingyu's voice is soft and sad when he asks Wonwoo, "Hyung? Are you okay?"

"Mingyu…" Wonwoo starts, and when he looks in the other's eyes he really wants to say it out loud. That he likes him too, more than he should, and that maybe he's falling in love with him too. But he can't. It's now or never. It's now or else he won't be able to back out anymore, and he's going to drag Mingyu down in the near future. He looks down. "Mingyu, I don't feel the same with you."

Fuck, he said it without even meeting his eyes. But even if he did, he's sure that Mingyu won't see any honesty in there. Mingyu's hold around his wrist loosens; and Wonwoo wants to scream that it's a fucking lie.

"You sure?" Mingyu asks carefully. He's gentle and understanding, for someone who's getting rejected like this. Mingyu probably just wants Wonwoo to think it through, because he knows what Wonwoo feels. Who is he kidding, anyways?

Wonwoo nods slowly, trying his best to not let his tears spill over. He's having a hard time breathing now. It hurts so much, it feels like being drowned at nothing once again. "Yes. I'm sure."

Mingyu finally drops his hand to his side. Wonwoo puts his hands behind him and picks the calloused skin on his thumb. "I'm so sorry."

Mingyu doesn't even have to say sorry. It's Wonwoo's fault. It's his fault for digging this deep, bringing Mingyu along with him. Wonwoo swallows a huge lump in his throat. "I think you should avoid me for the meantime."

That makes Mingyu stare at him in disbelief. "Hyung —"

"I don't want to hurt you, Mingyu." Wonwoo replies. "It seems like I'm leading you on, and I don't want that. You will always be my friend, and that will never change. I want you to move on."

Wonwoo doesn't know how he said all those words in one breath, and if he continues this, he thinks he's going to believe them too. "Hyung, don't be like this."

Wonwoo pulls out the card he shouldn't be pulling out. It's something they bet on months ago, over that huge word search puzzle. "You still owe me a favor."

Upon realization, Mingyu's face turns stone cold, scaring the shit out of Wonwoo. "Fuck, hyung. You really want to get rid of me."

"Mingyu —"

"Hyung, stop." Mingyu's voice breaks and steps back, and then another, and another, until he's out of Wonwoo's reach. So close, but so fucking far away. Wonwoo thinks there's no turning back anymore, and that is exactly what he wants — for him to walk away from him, as far as he can. He wants Mingyu to be happy with someone else who can love him more than Wonwoo can give. "Stop talking. If you say another word, I'm going to fucking cry in front of you and I don't want you to see that."

Wonwoo keeps his mouth shut, and concentrates on himself. He also doesn't want to cry, because he also doesn't want Mingyu to see him like that. It will just turn his efforts into waste.

Mingyu covers his face with his hands, and those same hands that once held his arms drag down his whole face as if he's wiping all the traces of hurt on it. He shakes his head. "I'm leaving."

Wonwoo doesn't turn around to see him walk away, because if he did, he's just going to run after him and beg for him to not go. With his shaking hands, he opens his car door and sits on the driver's seat. When he stares at the wall in front of him, that's when the tears start flowing like waterfalls, and he cries and cries until his throat hurt. It's over. Mingyu won't see him anymore. They're over.

He wants to be numb again, just this once.

He searches for his phone with his blurry vision, and he dials the very first person he could think of.

"Hyung?"

"Seokmin-ah." He sobs, covering his mouth with the back of his hand to stop himself from whimpering.

"Where are you?"

There are people talking in the background, and Wonwoo assumes he's at the rehearsal. He wants to end the call because he's obviously disturbing him, but then Seokmin speaks again.

"Tell me where you are, hyung. I'll go there."

"I'm at the parking lot." Wonwoo lets out a shaky breath. "Seokmin, please —"

"Wait for me, okay?" Seokmin says softly. Wonwoo nods, even though Seokmin doesn't see him. "I'll be really quick."

When Seokmin arrives, Wonwoo has already stopped crying, and the younger kicks him out of the driver's seat. He lets Seokmin drive him to his apartment.

"I did it. I told Mingyu to not talk to me anymore." He whispers; and Seokmin can only give him a glance before going back to the road. He doesn't feel the tears this time, and he's thankful for that. Maybe his wish to feel numb is coming true. When he closes his eyes though, he sees the hurt in Mingyu's face when he told him he doesn't feel the same way, and he knows it's going to haunt him in his dreams.

He definitely needs those sleeping pills later.

His phone starts ringing again, Soonyoung's name appearing on the screen. He's too afraid to answer it, but Seokmin urges him to do it.

"Hello?"

"Where are you? Mingyu told me everything and he wanted me to look for you." Soonyoung says from the other line. Of course, Mingyu would tell him. After all what he did to him, he still wants him to go home safe. Wonwoo puts him on loudspeaker. "I'm worried, where are you?"

"He's with me, hyung." Seokmin answers for him. "I'm driving him home."

"Thank goodness. Drive safely, Seokmin." Soonyoung says in relief. "Wonwoo, are you still there? Are you okay?"

Wonwoo reclines his seat, and puts his arm above his eyes. He suddenly feels dizzy. And it's like he's going crazy any minute now. "Yeah, I'm still here. And no, I'm not okay."

"We're coming over later. Is that okay?"

"I think I want to be alone." Wonwoo replies, feeling pathetic. "Don't worry about me, I'm just going to sleep."

"Okay. But call me if you need something, alright?" Soonyoung reminds. "We love you, Won."

Wonwoo, for the first time in two weeks, smiles. "I love you too. Thank you for everything."

  
•••

  
His best friends insist on coming over the next night, bringing alcohol and anything Wonwoo needs so he can forget even just for a while. All he did when he came home yesterday until the day after was sleep, eat and sleep again. He might have intentionally forgotten to answer their calls so now they're here, bringing some life into his lonely apartment.

"Don't you have rehearsals?" Wonwoo asks Seokmin, who's munching on the nachos he brought with him. "Your play is in less than a week. You should be rehearsing with them."

Seokmin shrugs, then feeds him with a nacho. "Nah, I skipped tonight's rehearsals. Told them I have something important to do."

"This is nothing important." Wonwoo chuckles, but it breaks in the end, making him sound much more miserable than he is right now.

"Hyung." Seokmin leans his head on his shoulder. "This is important. My best friend is sad."

"I'm always sad." Wonwoo says, and the pity on Seokmin's face makes him look down and focus his attention on the almost empty beer bottle he's holding.

They continue on making conversations about their recent exams, and Seokmin's upcoming play. Soonyoung thinks he's going to flunk an exam, which Jihoon states that he's not surprised at all. Seokmin told them he already got tickets for them and how excited he is that his family is going to watch him. They're doing a huge effort not to mention what happened to Wonwoo, and keep on jumping from one topic to another. Wonwoo appreciates that from them, he can't thank them enough for that.

In the middle of their talk about the movie they watched earlier, Wonwoo remembers something. "Soonyoung."

Soonyoung looks up from his own bowl of chips. "Yeah?"

Wonwoo traces the rim of his bottle with his index finger. "Have you found him?"

When Soonyoung realizes what he's talking about he looks up at the ceiling, letting out a sigh, then takes his phone out and taps on the screen. "I was kinda hoping you forgot."

"Why would I?" Wonwoo says. It's the thing that he put in the back of his mind, but never forgot. It's actually a good thing that he remembers it, with how the things are going right now, their meetup is long overdue and inevitable.

Seokmin, curious, interrupts them. "What are you guys talking about?"

"Lee Hyun. Wonwoo wants to talk to him." Jihoon answers. Soonyoung then hands his phone to Wonwoo, showing the address where Lee Hyun works at. "He's doing parttime job as a delivery boy, while waiting for his military enlistment."

"Wait, what? Hyung, are you out of your mind?" Seokmin blurts out, placing down his bottle on the table with a loud clink. Wonwoo flinches at that.

"Same thoughts." Soonyoung says, rolling his eyes. "But Jihoon made a point. Wonwoo can never move on if he doesn't talk to that asshole. He needs the closure."

Seokmin looks like he wants to argue more, but it's not an argument he's going to win. His hyungs have made a decision, so he just gives up. "Okay, whatever."

"Well, you're not going alone, Wonwoo. Seokmin and I will go with you." Jihoon announces. Soonyoung whips his head to look at his boyfriend incredulously.

"What about me?" Soonyoung presses.

"We might end up in jail if I let you come with us, Soonyoung."

Soonyoung looks downright offended by that, placing his hands on his waist and dropping his bowl, fortunately he's sitting on the floor or else Wonwoo has to deal with shards of glass on his carpet. "What the fuck, Jihoon?"

"You can't even control your anger towards Lee Hyun." Jihoon retorts, glaring at Soonyoung who cowers at that. "And it's not going to help at all. I'm just trying to make this civil, so you're staying home. No buts."

"Man, I didn't know Jihoon hyung can be this scary." Seokmin points out, amused at how Soonyoung just surrenders without defending himself. "Soonyoung hyung can't even fight back."

"Jihoon always has the upper hand in their relationship." Wonwoo jokingly says; and Soonyoung grabs his phone from him with a glower.

"Just take care of Wonwoo while he's out there. Don't let that son of a bitch mani—" Soonyoung cuts his words off, when he realizes it's a bad choice of a word. Wonwoo knows what it is though — manipulate. Soonyoung doesn't want that to happen again. He doesn't want Hyun to manipulate him again. But Wonwoo has learned his lesson. Once is enough. He's beyond idiotic if he lets himself be swayed again.

"We know, we know." Jihoon placates his boyfriend, holding his hand. "You've always been protective towards Wonwoo, sometimes I think he's the boyfriend, not me."

Seokmin laughs out loud at that. Wonwoo grins a little.

"Don't be ridiculous, Jihoon. What the hell." Soonyoung says, bumping Jihoon's shoulder with his. "Wonwoo is like my brother, that's why I'm protective of him. You're my boyfriend, and I love you, so I'm more protective of you. Maybe you just don't notice it."

"Holy crap, they're disgusting." Seokmin says, faking a gag. "And to think that we should be used to this, seeing them all romantic and shit like this for years."

"You're just jealous you don't have a girlfriend. And doing this in front of you make you realize how much of a loser you are." Soonyoung teases with an exaggerated laugh, lifting their joined hands in front of Seokmin, which makes the younger do another fake gag.

Wonwoo looks at his best friends' hands. If he's not too fixated on not having a relationship with Mingyu, are they going to look like that too? Would they look all romantic and shit like Seokmin said?

Wonwoo thinks he wants it. He wants to do it with Mingyu.

But the thing is, he can't.

  
•••

  
One thing Wonwoo has heard a lot from Dr. Han: slowly learn to face your fears.

He has never imagined the day he's going to see Lee Hyun again. He was always a part of his nightmares, reminding him how horrible he became because of him. He once tried repressing him, but it turned him to be indifferent, to be aloof, to be the person his family, Soonyoung and Jihoon failed to recognize.

But he's here, waiting for Hyun to arrive from his delivery job, Seokmin holding his hand for support.

"It's going to be okay. We're here." Jihoon assures, giving him a small smile. Wonwoo thinks he's also not ready to see his high school classmate who took Wonwoo away from them. He's never thought that far.

The noise of a motorcycle makes them turn around to look at the entrance, and when the person removes his helmet, Wonwoo's heart begins to race — for a different reason. Wonwoo goes back to staring at his best friends, and they both give him an encouraging nod.

"Do I have pending deliveries?" His voice booms around the small chicken restaurant, approaching the owner with his helmet held on his side.

"None for now." The owner says, and points at them with his puckered lips, busy with the cash register. "You have visitors."

"Huh?" Hyun turns to them, and he meets Wonwoo's eyes. He then smirks, walking to their table. "Hi, Wonwoo."

He can feel Seokmin's hand tightening around his from under the table. He takes a deep breath, squeezing his hand back.

Hyun's eyes dart to Jihoon, and his face becomes more excited. "Jihoon! It's been a while! I saw Soonyoung about a month ago — wait, are you still together?"

Jihoon just ignores him.

"Does he always talk like this?" Seokmin whispers to Wonwoo, but loud enough for Hyun to hear.

"Who are you? You're not the tall guy I met at the cinema." Hyun asks Seokmin, who squints his eyes. "Minggu? Minhyun?"

"Let's go." Jihoon tells Seokmin. He gives Hyun a pointed look. "We'll sit somewhere else."

Seokmin gives Wonwoo a pat on his knee after letting go of his hand. He follows Jihoon to a spot two tables away from them, giving them a watchful eye as Hyun sits across from him.

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" He says, clasping his hands before them. Wonwoo notices the tattoos on his arm that he probably got when he got detained. He didn't get to see them that time in the cinema. He looks different from the delinquent student before, but it's not a good difference, it seems like he got worse. "I never thought I'll be seeing you here."

Before he decided to step out of his apartment with Jihoon and Seokmin, Wonwoo took two pills into his mouth and forced himself to not think of anything. Now that he's in front of Hyun, he can't stop the thoughts rushing into his head like a fast current, and he clutches on his knees with his hands.

"Neither did I." Wonwoo says, tone hard. "I want to talk to you."

Hyun leans closer, his eyes glinting under that faulty artificial light. "You want me to do something for you? Something illegal? I know some people who can help you."

That breathy voice makes Wonwoo shudder with fright, and he almost wants to ask his friends for help. But no, he needs to endure this. If he doesn't, then he will never get over this. He will never be able to move on.

By the way he smirks evilly at Wonwoo, he realizes that Lee Hyun is still the same twisted boy he once knew. He shouldn't be sitting here, just at arms' distance. It seems like he's dealing with a criminal.

And to think that Lee Hyun assumes he's still the same kid as before makes him want to land a solid punch to his disgusting face.

"You never changed." Wonwoo's voice is now shaking with anger, his blood boiling in his system. "And you got worse."

"What do you expect from me, Wonwoo?" He says, leaning backwards and crossing his arms on his chest. "That I'd change after being released from prison? You underestimate me."

"You ruined my life, Lee Hyun!" Wonwoo exclaims, that makes the people inside the restaurant look at them. In the corner of his eye he sees Seokmin about to stand up, but Jihoon stops him.

Slowly and agonizingly, Hyun's face morphs from shock to entertained, then he erupts with laughter. Wonwoo feels ridiculed at that, and he takes a sharp inhale.

"You're still hung up on that, Jeon Wonwoo? That I got you expelled from school?" Hyun laughs, mocking and offending. He's laughing just like how he sees him in his nightmares. "Man, do you know how unimportant that thing is to me that I forgot about it? When are you going to move on? It's been more than two years."

It impacted Wonwoo's whole life so badly, and yet it's just a trivial happening for him? Does that mean he considered Wonwoo as someone insignificant, a pushover?

He's talking to a person with no future, who isn't even feeling any remorse to every single thing he did before.

In short, he's talking to a devil.

Wonwoo can't fucking believe it.

Wonwoo's vision turns blurry. No, he's not going to cry in front of him. Even though those tears are due from rage and frustration, he's not going to let him see it. Hyun will never see him cry again.

Hyun lets out an exaggerated exhale, like he's fed up with him. "What do you want me to do just so you fucking move on?"

If this had turned the other way around, Wonwoo would've said that he wants him to apologize. But he thinks it's useless right now. He stands up abruptly, curling his hands into a fist. This is not the closure he wants, and also he's damn sure he's not getting it from him.

"This conversation is pointless." Wonwoo mutters, and he's lucky that his voice never broke. "I hope to not see you again, Lee Hyun."

"It's nice meeting you too, my old friend." Hyun just gives him a mocking little wave as he storms out of the restaurant, Seokmin and Jihoon following right after him.

Jihoon takes the driver's seat, and Seokmin sits beside him at the back. Wonwoo finally lets out the tears, sobbing loudly and uncontrollably inside the suffocating confines of his car. Seokmin envelops him in a tight embrace, and he buries himself on the younger's chest. Seokmin comforts him, softly whispering assurances to him and petting his hair gently.

To Lee Hyun, it was worthless. But to Wonwoo it wasn't. It was a turning point in his life that changed him for the better, even though a rocky process. He's going to prove that to everyone. He's nothing like Lee Hyun — he never was.

"I'm so sorry, Wonwoo." Jihoon croaks out, like he's also on the verge of crying. "I'm so sorry, this is all my fault."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- keep safe, everyone! svt says practice social distancing!  
> \- kudos and comments are appreciated ~ thank you!!


	16. XVI

It's no surprise that he hasn't gotten any calls and texts from Mingyu.

Wonwoo misses him. A lot. That he opens their chatbox and rereads all their conversations, and stares longingly at the selfies he sent him. He might have used one of them as his phone wallpaper.

He's not a person who jogs regularly in the morning, and this is one of those rare times he goes out and jogs around the neighborhood. He has airpods on to drown out the noise coming from his neighbors who walk their dogs out, and children who decide to play snowball fights this early.

Tired and a little sweaty, he ends his morning jog by buying almond croissants in a bakery nearby. He sips his earl grey tea on one of the benches at the park, feeding bread to birds perching on the armrest.

Most likely this will be his life in the future.

The birds fly away as soon as another person sits on the spot beside him.

"I guess I scared them away." Junhui snorts, leaning on the backrest.

Wonwoo offers him his croissant, which he refuses, telling him he has already eaten. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm having my morning walk. We can only get few days before we start on the prototype we're working on." Junhui replies, looking at Wonwoo. "You?"

The last time they talked wasn't as friendly, it was Junhui calling him while he was drunk and telling him to get his shit together. Up until now, Wonwoo hasn't done anything to get his shit together. He actually just made it worse.

"Morning jog. Then I bought breakfast." He says, lifting his paper cup of tea. "How's exam?"

He thought Junhui is angry for what he did to Mingyu — or maybe he's just a good actor. Wonwoo's not really confident about it. Junhui might choke him to death here and no one aside from the birds will witness it. He's a little scared.

"Differential equations killed me. I'm just hoping my professor gives me extra points for being extra punctual in all of our lectures." Junhui laughs.

Wonwoo squints at him. "You should've asked me for help, you know. You always do that."

"I don't think it was the right time to ask for your help?" Junhui replies. "I actually drunk called you and told you lots of things I'd rather not say again. I'm sorry about that."

Wonwoo looks down at his food, then shakes his head, smiling. "I deserved them, though. It's alright."

"But Wonwoo —"

"No, it's really okay, Junhui. I swear." Wonwoo assures him by patting his shoulder. Junhui just shows him a pained face. "Don't give me that face."

"Just accept my apology, you dumbo." Junhui huffs, crossing his arms on his chest.

Wonwoo laughs, then, "Okay, I accept your apology."

"Do you want to know how Mingyu is doing?"

The smile on Wonwoo's face slips. He is indeed curious about Mingyu. It's been a week since they talked. But he can't just ask Junhui about him, right? He doesn't have any right to know what he's doing; he's the one who rejected him, he shouldn't be interested at all.

But he still ends up nodding. He's a fool.

Junhui just gives him a small smile. "He went home to his parents' house in Anyang. It's been months since he last visited them."

"Okay." That's all he can answer. At least, Mingyu's home, he might be able to forget about him.

"You know, it's his first time getting rejected like that." Junhui starts, making Wonwoo turn to gape at him.

"Are you saying that I hurt his ego?"

"No, oh my god. I didn't mean it like that." Junhui defends. "It's just that Mingyu is a loveable kid. Who can even reject him?"

Wonwoo sighs. "I did, apparently."

"Look, Wonwoo. I don't know why you rejected him when clearly you like him too. You're my friend, but Mingyu's my family. You should know who I am siding with."

Wonwoo smiles sadly. Junhui's correct, even Wonwoo isn't going to side with himself. "I know. You can hate me all you want."

"I'm not going to do that. Who's gonna teach me math?" Junhui jokes; and Wonwoo pushes him on his shoulder lightly. "Seriously, Wonwoo. I don't want to see you both moping around. Fix whatever you can fix."

"I told Mingyu to avoid me. What's there going to fix?"

Junhui leans forward, then pokes on his chest multiple times, right where his heart is. He's grinning at him. "This. Fix your heart first, then Mingyu's next."

  
•••

  
Days pass like a blur, and the next thing he knows, it's already Seokmin's play. He sits beside his family, his brother on his left with his girlfriend. He also holds a bouquet of congratulatory flowers for Seokmin, and his other hand is busy on texting his friends.

 **hosh** [19:47]  
idk if ure still w ur phone but gdluck seokminnie!! ♡

 **jhoon** [19:48]  
good luck seok

 **won** [19:49]  
break a leg!!!

 **hosh** [19:50]  
y r u telling him to break his leg

 **jhoon** [19:51]  
it's an idiom meaning good luck

 **jhoon** [19:52]  
srsly how did u even pass english in high school

 **hosh** [19:53]  
y r u so rude to ur bf :( i'm babie

 **won** [19:54]  
eeewww

 **won** [19:55]  
btw where are you guys sitting

 **jhoon** [19:56]  
third row center

 **won** [19:57]  
wow you got good seats

 **hosh** [19:58]  
pros of arriving early

 **won** [20:00]  
it's my mom's fault we're late!!! not mine

 **hosh** [20:01]  
hdu use auntie as an excuse

 **won** [20:02]  
shut up

"Turn off your phone, the play's about to start." Bohyuk nudges him on his side, and as soon as he said that, the lights around the auditorium dimmed. Wonwoo turns off his phone and slips it inside his pocket.

He hasn't read the pamphlet given to them when they entered the auditorium, so he doesn't know what the play is about. But when the curtains opened, the setting shows life during old times. There are basket of plastic fruits and flowers placed on the floor, characters dressed as old people loitering the stage. Then he hears a song that's really familiar to his ears. The girl wearing white with blue apron walks around the stage while singing, an empty basket hanging on her elbow. He looks down at the pamphlet, and there he figures it out. It's Beauty and the Beast.

Wonwoo hums along to the song, completely engrossed by the performance. He has a DVD of the movie, so he's familiar with some of the songs. Seokmin hasn't appeared yet, and as per the pamphlet, he's the main lead — the Beast.

Seokmin never told them what the play is about. So when he appears on the stage donning a beast costume, Wonwoo almost bursts out laughing. He stifles his laughter by covering his mouth with his free hand, and his brother notices it by glaring at him.

"Sorry." He mumbles, then recovers from it by focusing back on the scenes. He's going to enjoy the play, for sure.

  
•••

  
After the performance, Wonwoo excuses himself to his family and rushes to the backstage, to bring Seokmin his flowers. He meets Soonyoung and Jihoon inside, talking to Seokmin who's already holding three bouquets.

"Hyung!" Seokmin calls him as Wonwoo approaches them, deciding not to hand him any more bouquets. "Are those flowers for me too?"

"Yeah —" Seokmin drops the bouquets to one of the baskets used as props earlier, then accepts Wonwoo's. Soonyoung makes an indignant noise because one of them was from him. Wonwoo steps forward and gathers him into a hug. "Congratulations. You did really great."

He winces when he pulls away, because Seokmin's face and clothes are full of glitters. He had them as an effect during his transformation from a beast into a handsome prince. He tries to dust them off, but to no avail. His best friends laugh at him.

"By the way, I have celebratory dinner with my team later. Is it okay if I don't go with you guys?" Seokmin asks.

Soonyoung grins. "It's alright. We still have Christmas dinner with our families tomorrow evening."

"Yeah, yeah. That." Wonwoo says. "Are your parents still here?"

Seokmin pouts. "They just left after congratulating me. But we'll see you tomorrow."

They say their good byes to Seokmin after teasing him about his 'fake' kissing scene with his leading lady. He's blushing so hard when they leave him there; and they all decide on going to dinner together and leaving a text message to their parents.

"I'm craving for pork belly. Should we?" Jihoon says, eyes glued on his phone as he searches for a nearby restaurant.

"Pork belly, yes." Soonyoung says, draping his arm on Jihoon's shoulders as they walk to the restaurant Jihoon found online. His free hand is drawing exaggerated circles on his stomach.

The doorbell chimes when Wonwoo pushes the door open, and an old lady ushers them to a circular table, with a grill on the center. The table is big enough for three people, but with the amount of food Soonyoung ordered, he thinks the space won't be enough.

The doorbell chimes again signalling another customers, and Wonwoo recognizes them.

"Junhui!" Wonwoo waves his hand to catch their attention, and it's Minghao who finds them. Jihoon invites them to their table.

"Hello!" Minghao greets them, then asks for additional chairs. "Did you just come from Seokmin's musical?"

"We did." Soonyoung replies. "You too?"

"Yeah, we did too." Junhui says. "Minghao wouldn't stop laughing beside me when Seokmin transformed to a prince."

Obviously someone is missing, but Wonwoo doesn't ask about him. It's better not to mention anything about Mingyu because it might dampen the mood with Mingyu's best friends. They're already being nice to someone who broke their best friend's heart. And it seems like they're also avoiding the topic, which is a relief.

On top of their food, they talk about the play and other things, most especially their classes last semester. The grades will be released this Monday, and everyone's kind of terrified because of their major classes.

"Wonwoo here doesn't even have to worry about his grades." Soonyoung points at him with his chopsticks. "He's getting another scholarship next semester, I swear."

"I almost failed my history final." Wonwoo pouts, poking on the meat he's grilling with his tongs.

"And now you're bluffing." Junhui says, annoyed. "By the way, you're not going for winter sessions?"

Wonwoo shakes his head. "I want to rest this time. Winter sessions are like a whole semester compressed to two months. It was a horror."

Minghao asks this time. "What are you going to do during the break, Wonwoo hyung?"

"I might leave my apartment for a while and go back to my family." Wonwoo answers. "And I might help Dad with the business."

"You're still being productive, huh." Junhui comments.

It's not like Wonwoo has a choice, really. He wants to do anything to get his mind off things (or someone), and benefit from it too — his father will appreciate him helping with their family business, and he gets to learn a thing or two when he visits the manufacturing plant.

Soonyoung is screaming, "round two!" when they step out of the restaurant. He's already tipsy, his face red from the soju bombs he drank inside, but he can still walk straight, thankfully. "Noraebang!"

So now Wonwoo finds himself sitting and suffering between Jihoon and Junhui, while Soonyoung is belting out songs from the 90's and shaking a tambourine. Minghao joins him in the middle of his singing-slash-shouting, and it just makes everything worse.

"My eardrums are about to die." Junhui laments, covering his ears with his greasy palms. He then looks at Jihoon. "Why did you even agree to date him?"

"I don't know honestly!" Jihoon replies, a little bit louder than his usual volume so he can hear himself. "Sometimes I question myself that when he's being too much. Like right now."

"To put that simply, Jihoon's just whipped." Wonwoo says, which earns a glare from his best friend.

"You're not a part of the conversation, Wonwoo."

"Wait —" Junhui stands up, taking his phone out of his pocket. "I'm going to answer this call outside."

It takes long for Junhui to come back, Soonyoung is already snuggling close to Wonwoo while his own boyfriend is standing relaxed in front of the screen, singing.

"My boyfriend is so good in singing, I told him once to join The Voice or any singing contest on television but he just threw a pillow on me." Soonyoung says.

"You might be good in something, but it doesn't mean you really have to pursue it." Minghao says. "Jihoon hyung has a really nice singing voice, but if he's not interested in showing that to people, then we should respect that."

"I don't know you have it in you, Minghao." Wonwoo reaches out and pats Minghao's head.

"Of course, hyung. I always give Mingyu — I mean my friends advice if they need it." Minghao ducks his head in embarrassment, then grabs a bag of chips to distract himself. Wonwoo feels bad, because of him Mingyu's friends have to adjust when they're with him.

"Uh, guys." Junhui opens the door a little. Jihoon stops singing. "Mingyu said he wants to come here."

Everyone looks at him expectantly, that Wonwoo feels warm from all that staring. "Why are you guys looking at me?"

"Is it okay if Mingyu comes here?" Soonyoung says, soft and concerned. "You can just say no, and Junhui can send him away, right Junhui?"

Junhui nods. "Yeah, of course I can. He's also a little drunk so it might be uncomfortable for you."

"We're also a little bit drunk, aren't we?" Wonwoo says. His heart is beating so loud in his chest, and if only his heart can talk, it's going to scream that it wants to see Mingyu so bad. "No one's going to be uncomfortable. Mingyu's my friend. It's okay."

"Are you sure?" This time, it's Jihoon who asks. "Tell us honestly, Won."

"I said I'm okay." Wonwoo lies through his teeth. Of course he's not going to be okay. On top of his rapid beating heart and missing Mingyu, he has to deal with the aftermath of the rejection. He suddenly wants to go home. "I don't want you guys sending him away. That's unfair."

"Okay." Junhui smiles a little, then steps out of the room again. Probably to call Mingyu back and tell him that it's okay to come here.

He's been restless after that but he succeeds in hiding it, also his friends are having fun exchanging microphones and singing high-pitched girl group songs.

Then the door finally opens, and it reveals Junhui with Mingyu and Jaehyun. Junhui didn't tell them that Jaehyun's coming too, and now he's sending apologetic looks to him.

Soonyoung lets them sit on the free space that's way out of Wonwoo's reach, and he gives a forced smile when Jaehyun greets him. Minghao gives him a pat on his knee, then moves to Mingyu's side. Soonyoung diverts his attention by bringing up ridiculous topics such as his obsession over tigers, and how he's planning to decorate his and Jihoon's bedroom with tiger print wallpapers. Wonwoo worriedly tells him that Jihoon is definitely going to kill him if he does that. He also manages to steal glances in Mingyu's direction, but the other doesn't even look like he's bothered with his presence like he is with him. He keeps on chatting with Minghao and Jaehyun, and even laughs at something Jaehyun whispered on his ear.

Truthfully it's not a bad thing, because all he wants for Mingyu is to move on. And he's obviously doing that. But it still hurts Wonwoo. So much.

Jihoon finishes his second song, and is about to punch in another one when Mingyu stands up and asks for the remote control. Jihoon passes the device to him, and sits back on his side.

"You're still okay?" Jihoon asks quietly that only the three of them can hear.

"Yeah." Wonwoo's voice cracks, but he only laughs it off. Soonyoung's hand crawls to touch his wrist. "I think the alcohol is taking effect now."

It's a blatant lie, but his best friends buy it.

The karaoke machine starts playing a song that's quite familar to Wonwoo, because it's one of the songs in his favorite bookstore's playlist. He often hears it whenever he's there, so he also knows the lyrics and its meaning.

It's about letting go.

It's like Mingyu's saying those lyrics directly to him, that he's finally letting go and he wants him to be happy. He sounds so broken that the whole room has gone quiet, and the silence is quickly eating him up. He has to stand up and leave.

So he does.

He tells Soonyoung and Jihoon that he can go home by himself, he will just get a cab and text them when he gets home. He says a short good bye to Mingyu's friends but never to Mingyu, and walks out of the noraebang place.

Wonwoo slides his hands in his pockets, waiting for a cab to arrive. He can't let himself suffer like that, watch Mingyu and Jaehyun flirt in front of him, listen to Mingyu singing that song to him and pretend nothing happened. He might break down and cry, and he's not letting anyone — especially Mingyu — see it.

Before he can even lift his arm to stop a cab, someone is already pulling him away, strong hand gripping his wrist like chains.

"What the — Mingyu!" He calls as soon as he realizes who it is, and with all his strength left he shrugs his arm off, and stops in his tracks when he becomes successful. "What the hell are you doing?"

"You lied, didn't you?" Mingyu demands, but he doesn't look like he's angry at all. He's frustrated, confused, desperate even, because Wonwoo is being difficult again.

But Wonwoo keeps his ground. "What do you mean?"

There's a sharp exhale coming out from Mingyu, his breath mingling with the chilly winter air. It's wearing him out. "Face me and tell me that you don't like me. Go ahead, hyung."

It's a challenge. Mingyu is challenging him. Maybe he is giving him a second chance to redeem himself.

But he's not going to do that. And on top of that, Mingyu is drunk. He should be doing something to push him back to the noraebang, to where his friends are.

"Mingyu, you're drunk." He says instead. "Go back inside."

But it just riles Mingyu up, that he pulls at his hair in severe frustration.

"That is not what I want to hear from you, hyung!" Mingyu shouts on top of his lungs, startling the passersby, and now he's crying. "Is that too hard for you to say?"

It pains Wonwoo to see Mingyu like this. It's breaking his heart into fucking pieces. Mingyu shouldn't be crying an awful lot over someone like him, when Wonwoo is just saving him in the long run. He wipes the stubborn tears that spills out of his eyes, and Mingyu's too, but the younger swats his hand away.

"You know what, just don't say it. You can't even make up your mind." Mingyu says, coldly. Wonwoo just freezes at the words that are way colder than the weather right now. "I know I should be understanding because that's you, you've been through a lot and I shouldn't be forcing you. I like you so much, hyung. But I also get tired. And I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry."

After that, he leaves Wonwoo for the second time, alone and shaking. He stands there, frozen, crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- i know i put 20 chapters, but there's a possibility i'm going to add 2 more, it depends  
> \- kudos and comments are appreciated! thank you for all the loving comments so far! :)  
> \- always practice social distancing, wash your hands and wear mask if you have to go outside! stay safe everyone!


	17. XVII

"Wonwoo! Yoohoo! You here?"

Wonwoo opens his bedroom door, a scowl in his face because this manchild who calls himself his best friend barges into his house without notice, disrupting his sleep. It's Saturday, in fucking six in the morning.

Soonyoung appears in front of him, a bagel with jam in his hand that obviously came from Wonwoo's food supply. "Good morning, buddy."

"What are you doing here?" Wonwoo rubs his eye with his fist. He really should consider changing the passcode of his door. "It should be important or I'm going to kick you out."

"Of course, this is important." Soonyoung pulls him out of his room, and brings him to his living room. "I'm going to give you your Christmas gift from me."

"What?" Wonwoo furrows his eyebrows. It's still a week before Christmas, and it's way too early to give out Christmas gifts. Soonyoung, out of all people, should know that.

After the early Christmas dinner last night with their families, Seokmin went home to Changwon with his parents. Soonyoung and Jihoon also decided to go back to their respective homes for the holidays. No one from their group is going to take winter sessions; they need the two-month break because it will be a lot busier in the next semester. Wonwoo is also going home tomorrow, and he has already packed his clothes.

Soonyoung slips his hand inside his fluffy jacket, and brandishes a white envelope to him. He gives it to him, which he reluctantly accepts. "Open it!"

Wonwoo squints at his best friend, then opens the envelope carefully. The image of an airplane is already visible even before he can pull it out.

"An airplane ticket?" Wonwoo blinks, to see if he's seeing it wrong, but he's not. It's a round trip one. "To London?"

"You've been wanting to go to London. So I made it possible." Soonyoung says, beaming. "My dad's secretary did all the effort, I just paid for everything."

"What for?" Wonwoo asks. Indeed, it's one of his dreams to go to London, but he just can't find the right time. He's always been busy with studying that he neglects the idea about traveling altogether.

Soonyoung puts his hand on his back. "Clear your head, Won. I know one week isn't enough — that's all we could manage because everything has been booked out for the holidays — but at least it will help you forget for a while."

"But —"

"I already asked for your parents' permission. They said yes. Dr. Han too." Soonyoung says. "And don't worry about the accommodations, we got your hotel room reserved for a week too. All you need to do is bring pocket money, and decide on your itinerary. Fly high, boy."

"What about Jihoon?" Wonwoo says in jest, knowing Jihoon hates Soonyoung's overspending habits. "He's gonna be angry if he finds out you spent a ton for my ticket and hotel."

"Jihoon agreed in an instant when I told him about this." Soonyoung points out. "He doesn't show it but he's really concerned about you."

"I don't know what to say." He laughs, still in disbelief. He then pulls Soonyoung in a hug. "Thank you, Soonyoung."

"There, there." Soonyoung mumbles, patting his back gently. "Buy me a Christmas gift there, will you?"

Wonwoo nods. "Anything you want."

  
•••

  
He has two days before the flight so he still went home, and his mother couldn't hide the smile on her face when Wonwoo showed her the airplane ticket.

He also called Dr. Han for the extra reminders on traveling alone; and she told him that she is very proud of him. When Wonwoo jokingly asked if there was something to be proud of she lectured him for more than ten minutes about taking compliments seriously.

He made his itinerary and booked some tickets for some tourist attractions, excited like a kid going to his very first vacation as he shows it to Soonyoung. His friend sneezes in response, piling used tissues on the table beside his laptop.

"Why did you even get sick?" Wonwoo scrunches his nose in disgust, even though they're houses away from each other and talking via Skype. "It's gonna suck if it's only Jihoon who can send me off."

"I heard it, Wonwoo!" Jihoon shouts from nowhere. Soonyoung laughs, though cut off by another sneeze.

"It's only a week, Won. I can fetch you when you come back." Soonyoung says. "I just hope this one works."

"Me too." Wonwoo replies. While preparing for his London trip, he was able to get his mind off some things, like what happens when he reads a book or answers a puzzle. He hopes the same thing will happen when he gets there. "Thank you again, Soonyoung. I'm so excited."

"I can see it in your eyes, Won." Soonyoung smiles at him, sneezes for the nth time, then sticks a rolled tissue in his nostril. "Fucking runny nose. I hate getting sick."

"Don't cuddle Jihoon for a while. I still need a driver."

"Hey, I take my vitamins regularly, unlike this dumbo here." Jihoon answers, sitting behind Soonyoung and puts his chin on his boyfriend's shoulder. "Besides, you have tons of drivers. You don't even need me."

"I'm going to take the chance when I still have it." Wonwoo grins. "So you should drive me there. I want a friend to send me off."

"You talk like you're staying there for good." Jihoon says. "You're not, are you?"

Wonwoo laughs. "You all can't live without me, so why should I?"

He can never leave everyone here — especially the one who's been occupying his mind the most. It's the least of what Wonwoo wants to do.

  
•••

  
"You sure you don't want me to send you off?" His mom says, as she watches Wonwoo carry his luggage down the stairs.

"It's okay, mom. It's just a week." He assures her, and waves at Jihoon when he sees him sitting on the living room.

Jihoon helps him with the luggage, and Wonwoo turns around to hug his mother. His dad is already at work, but they talked last night and reminded him to take care of himself there. His brother hugged him before he left for school, and asked to buy him a leather jacket.

"Be safe, okay? Don't forget Dr. Han's instructions and to always call us." His mom reminds him again, and pinches his shoulder lightly. Wonwoo snorts. "And enjoy your stay there."

"Yes mom." Wonwoo says, pulling away. "I'll see you in a week."

His mom tells Jihoon to drive safely and hugs Wonwoo once again, like she doesn't want him to go. He chuckles, walking away before she can even pull him back inside. He puts his bulky backpack on the backseat and sits beside Jihoon.

"Ready?" Jihoon asks, securing his seatbelt. Wonwoo waves at his mom from inside the car.

"Yeah, let's go."

Jihoon starts the car. It's Soonyoung's car they're using. Wonwoo watches his mom from the sideview mirror until she disappears, then leans back on the seat comfortably. It's going to take them an hour to reach Incheon airport.

"You look like you didn't get to sleep last night." Jihoon asks, glancing at him.

"I didn't. I got too excited, I guess." Wonwoo says. "I will catch some sleep in the plane later."

Wonwoo's phone suddenly rings, Seokmin's face filling the whole screen. Shit, he forgot to call him. He didn't even get to tell him that he's going to London. Everything was going so fast.

"Hello?"

"Hyung!" Seokmin shouts from the other line. "Why didn't you tell me that you have a flight to London today?"

"It slipped off my mind. Sorry, Seokmin." He chuckles when the other groans at the other line. "This was a surprise vacation, I got the ticket from Soonyoung two days ago. I barely even had time to prepare."

"I know. He just told me." Seokmin says. At least he's not extra whiny about it. "Is Jihoon hyung driving you to the airport now?"

"Jihoon? Yeah. Want to say hi?" Wonwoo asks, then puts his phone on loudspeaker. Seokmin then grabs the opportunity to roast Jihoon.

"You're a reckless driver, Jihoon hyung. Please be careful with Wonwoo hyung."

"Wow, thank you for the confidence in me, Seokmin." Jihoon deadpans. Wonwoo laughs at the morning banter between the two. "Don't you worry, I'm only reckless when you're the only passenger."

"You're really heartless." Seokmin points out. "By the way, Wonwoo hyung. Are you okay traveling alone? You know what I mean."

"Yeah? I think." Wonwoo replies. "I haven't tried it and I'm anxious as hell about it, but I want to try stepping out of my comfort zone. Maybe this will turn out to be a nice experience."

At the corner of his eye, he sees Jihoon smiling. He can feel that Seokmin is also smiling from the other line. Earlier, he caught his mother smiling when he watched her from the sideview mirror. Dr. Han is right — he should be taking compliments seriously, because it really feels good.

He smiles at himself, unable to stop the tears from spilling over. For once, he feels relieved. "Maybe this is the healing I've been looking for."

  
•••

  
The flight took half a day, and even though he got to sleep in the plane, Wonwoo still feels exhausted. His ears also feel sore because he used his headphones while he was sleeping.

And comparing to Seoul which is currently covered with blankets of snow, the London weather feels nicer. He doesn't even need the padded jacket his mother forced him to bring, that also took him lots of effort to fit inside his luggage. He's only here for a week and yet he feels like he overpacked.

He lines up for a cab, and waits for about five minutes to get into one. He also hasn't practiced English for a while so when he dictates the name and address of the hotel Soonyoung booked for him to the cab driver, it sounds so weird in his ears.

"Tourist?" The driver suddenly asks, that makes Wonwoo hug his backpack closer to his chest. He doesn't really like it when a cab driver initiates a conversation so when he has a choice he opts for a bus, or if he's unlucky he just pretends to be asleep. But he's in a foreign country, and he has to adjust.

Wonwoo tries to smile a little. "Yes. Tourist."

"Where are you from?"

"South Korea."

"Oh, that's a beautiful country you have there." The driver says, that makes Wonwoo smile. After that, luckily, he doesn't speak anymore. He looks outside and admires the view, and thinks that he really should use all the days he has to explore all of London.

When he arrives at the hotel, he pays the driver and gives a generous tip, and drags his luggage to the reception.

"Reservation under the name Wonwoo Jeon." He tells the receptionist, and after she searches up for his name she hands him the keycard and wishes him a wonderful stay.

Soonyoung 's secretary really did a good job of finding him the perfect hotel room. He can see the whole London in this view, so he takes a photo of it so he can send it to their group chat.

He turns off the airplane mode on his phone, and suddenly messages pop on his notifications. Most of it came from his mother, with her unending reminders again. Then from his best friends nagging him on chat to message them when he arrives.

It's already midnight on the other side of the world, but he still sends his mother a message telling her that he's arrived and taking a rest on his room. He also sends her a photo of the London view.

**mom** [16:23]  
oh finally you arrived

**mom** [16:23]  
how was the trip?

**won** [16:24]  
mom why are you still awake?

**won** [16:24]  
i mostly slept during the trip

**mom** [16:25]  
i was waiting for you to message me

**won** [16:26]  
you should go to bed, mom i will videocall you in the morning

**won** [16:26]  
good night mom i love you

**mom** [16:27]  
i love you too :)

Wonwoo then goes to their group chat and sends them the same photo.

**seok** [16:30]  
im so jealous hyung :-(

**hosh** [16:31]  
we shoulve gone w u won it's so beautiful

**jhoon** [16:32]  
cn u send us the night view too

**won** [16:33]  
yeah later. it's still afternoon here

**won** [16:34]  
sleep now uglyheads

**hosh** [16:35]  
i paid for everything and u tell me im an uglyhead

**seok** [16:36]  
u r hyung. an uglyhead

**hosh** [16:37]  
idk u

**seok** [16:38]  
grp vidcall later wonwoo hyung!!!!!!!!

**won** [16:39]  
yeah, so sleep now i'm gonna take a rest

**won** [16:40]  
good night sweet dreams

**seok** [16:41]  
good afternoon to you hyung!!!

**jhoon** [16:42]  
good afternoon

**hosh** [16:44]  
buy me an armani and were good

**hosh** [16:45]  
good afternoon ^;^

Wonwoo plugs his phone and fixes his clothes before he takes a rest. He's going to take a nap for an hour then he's out to get some dinner.

No more thinking about what's happening back home this time, he will try his very best to make this trip as enjoyable and memorable as possible.

  
•••

  
When Wonwoo decides to step out of the hotel, the first thing he does is to look for a burger joint. He's been craving for some burgers, and he knows from research that London has really good burgers.

He walks carefully, his eyes darting from one store to another, until he finds one. The line has extended outside and it could've been discouraging for him but he still lines up for it, patiently waiting for his turn. It's still early and his stomach is not yet grumbling.

But when he finally gets inside, the smell of grilling meat makes his mouth water. He pouts as he counts the people ahead of him, and his shoulders slump when he realizes he's going to stay for another half an hour even before he can have his food. But he's here already, so he has to make the wait worth it.

After the excruciating minutes of waiting for his turn, he finally dictates his order to the cashier. A burger, fries and cola, everything large sized. He gives the cashier a little smile as she says his order back, and taps his fingers on the counter as she prepares his food.

There are only few people lining up after him, so he gets a table beside the glass windows, and decides to plan his whole trip there. He takes out the London map he got from the airport, and lists the landmarks that are close to each other so he can save money and energy from the commute.

He also takes a photo of his food and sends it to their group chat. They will get to see it once they wake up. He knows they're going to complain about craving for fastfood in the early morning.

**won** [19:08]  
[photo]

**won** [19:09]  
trying london burger for the first time!!!

He's damn excited about this, that he thinks he might not get any sleep later.

  
•••

  
Wonwoo steps out of the hotel once again, the morning sun warming the cold surroundings a little bit. A Christmas song can be heard from afar, and he thinks about not spending the holidays with his family and friends. It's going to be sad spending it alone, but he can manage. It will pass after all.

He commutes going to his first destination, the very first place he wrote on his itinerary notebook — the Royal Observatory.

He almost jumps to his feet when he arrives, and almost cries on the spot. He takes several photos using his camera and tripod, and sends them to their group chat, including the one he took at the prime meridian line.

**won** [10:04]  
[photo]  
[photo]  
[photo]  
[photo]  
[photo]

**won** [10:05]  
i'm stepping on western and eastern hemisphere!!!!! guys!!!!!!!!! I AM LITERALLY IN THE MIDDLE

**hosh** [10:09]  
wow good evening to you too

**hosh** [10:10]  
and it's so cool too!!! congrats

**jhoon** [10:11]  
wow that's really cool

**jhoon** [10:12]  
but wait i want to suggest something won

**jhoon** [10:13]  
i love that ure sending us pics but u should post it on instagram! everyone should see it ~

**seok** [10:14]  
cant believe im agreeing w jihoon hyung in this

**seok** [10:15]  
make an ig account!!!

Wonwoo sits on one of the benches at the park, and tries to make a group video call. He scratches at his head while he waits for them to answer, not really fond of the idea of opening an account.

"I'm not comfortable with social media, though." Wonwoo says, jutting his bottom lip. He just really doesn't understand the people's obsession with posting everything online.

"You don't really have to share everything! You take really good photos, hyung. You're like a pro." Seokmin says encouragingly. "Just use it as a photography account."

The boyfriends on the left side of the screen agree on it, and Wonwoo sighs in defeat. "Okay. I'll try."

Before he goes to his next destination he creates an Instagram account, and follows his best friends' accounts. It's his first time seeing their posts, some of it including him, and one post from Soonyoung makes him tear up — his birthday greeting for him from last year, a photo of the four of them with Wonwoo holding a Pororo cake in the middle of Soonyoung's living room.

_Happy birthday, my best friend Jeon Wonwoo! We've been together ever since we're babies, and totally know each other from head to toe. So I know you hate super cheesy stuff especially when it comes from me or Jihoon or Seokminnie, that's why I'm going to make this real short — I love you. I always tell you this, but sometimes I feel like I don't really stress it enough for you to fully absorb it. I will always be here beside you, and support you with every step you take. I'm very proud of you, Wonwoo. You've done so well._

Wonwoo spends his whole lunch reading his best friends' posts about him in Instagram, smiling and laughing when the posts remind him of some really good memories they shared.

Now, he understands why people love using it.


	18. XVIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- this chapter is a series of anecdotes about wonwoo's trip to london. and also i haven't been to london so there might be innaccuracies :( sorry :(

Wonwoo puts his account into private, not yet comfortable, and gets follow requests from Junhui and Minghao. He doesn't know if Mingyu has an account too, doesn't bother to find it. He accepts the requests while he's in the bus going to Buckingham Palace.

There are comments on his photos — of course from his friends — and surprisingly receives a private message from Junhui.

 **@moonjun**  
ure in london right now?

 **@jeonwonwoo**  
yup. i'm here for a week.

 **@moonjun**  
oh nice. have fun bestest friend!!

 **@jeonwonwoo**  
thanks :)

He gets the chance to watch the changing of guards in the palace, and takes a video of it so he can post it on Instagram. He also sets his tripod from meters away, his bluetooth remote hidden in his hand as he awkwardly stands in front of the palace and takes a photo of himself. He tries not to include the palace guards in the photo because he's scared that it's prohibited. Although there are other tourists who try to talk to the guards, Wonwoo is being careful. It's nice to see the difference of cultures, comparing the one he saw in Gyeongbokgung Palace.

He eats his lunch in one of the most famous pizza places in the vicinity, and while looking through his itinerary — he's going to London Eye later at night, excited about riding the huge ferris wheel — an idea comes up into his mind. He leans back to his chair and closes his notebook, staring at the view outside. London is really big, and he thinks he needs a lot more time to see everything he wants to see, and find himself in the process.

A one-week healing trip doesn't really heal a three-year suffering completely. Like what Soonyoung said, a week isn't enough to clear his head. And he's beyond grateful to him for initiating something like this just to make him happy.

He actually wants to do it, the idea urging him strongly. It's his first time in years to consider something that he doesn't even need to think twice or thrice, that's why he's more determined to do it. He doesn't know what pushes him — or maybe he just likes to run away — but before he fully decides on it, he has to make a call back to Seoul. If he gets a positive response, then he will change the itinerary for tomorrow, Christmas Eve.

  
•••

  
The next day, Wonwoo signs up a paper and passes it to the old woman who is giving him weird looks. He awkwardly smiles at her, and says a proper _good bye_ and a _see you later_.

He hasn't opened his messaging app ever since he talked to his parents last night, so when he finally opens it he's bombarded with Christmas messages from his family and friends.

 **won** [16:08]  
it's still 4pm here but merry christmas to you guys

 **hosh** [16:09]  
it's sad without u here wons

 **hosh** [16:10]  
we can still celebrate new years together so its ok

Wonwoo smiles, not yet ready to tell them his decision, then goes to another chatbox.

 **jun** [15:03]  
merry xmas, my bestest friend! i hope ure having fun in london :)

 **won** [16:11]  
technically it's still xmas eve here but merry christmas to you, junhui!

 **won** [16:12]  
it's lonely, but it's ok :) i'm still having fun :)

His phone pings again. He thinks it's Junhui replying to him, but when he sees the name and the message preview, he suddenly feels scared of opening it.

 **gyu** [16:15]  
merry christmas wonwoo hyung.

Wonwoo's hands are shaking as he opens it and leaves the message on read, the flashbacks of the day he rejected him and the confrontation last week gatecrashing his mind. He isn't supposed to be thinking about Mingyu when he's having this trip, and he shouldn't be replying to the harmless Christmas message he sent to him. He's not obligated to greet him back.

But it's not totally starting from scratch, and Wonwoo can't forever ignore Mingyu. After everything that happened between them, Mingyu is still a friend — a friend who he really trusts and adores.

 **won** [16:20]  
merry christmas to you too

Wonwoo realizes he made the right decision of staying in London for another month, after all.

  
•••

  
"You said what?" Soonyoung leans forward, closer to the front camera. He turns around to Jihoon, who's reheating leftover food in the microwave. They're at Soonyoung's family's house. "Did I hear that correctly, Jihoonie?"

"He greeted belated Merry Christmas and that he's extending his stay in London to a month? Yes, you heard him correctly." Jihoon says, not even looking over his shoulder.

"Why?" Soonyoung asks curiously. "Have you been enjoying London that much?"

"Yes, and I think it isn't enough. I haven't even reached the half of my itinerary yet." Wonwoo says, ecstatic at the decision he made. "I want to stay here longer."

Soonyoung nods. "Do your parents know?"

"Yeah. They're okay with it as long as I eat on time and I'm keeping myself safe. They even demanded on paying for my hotel. But I declined."

"See, Jihoon? I told you Wonwoo's family is richer than ours. They make cars and all that robots!" Soonyoung reaches behind to pull on the hem of Jihoon's shirt. Jihoon just grunts in response. "Looking for a hotel room for you was really difficult. Everything's expensive."

"I'm not going to stay in a hotel." Wonwoo replies. He knows that much, so before deciding on staying for another month, he made several trips on Christmas Eve to look for a cheaper accommodation. He will never forget the weird look the landlady gave him while he signed the lease. "I found a dormitory near University of London. I begged the landlady to let me stay for a month. She agreed but I have to pay for one month deposit plus three months rent."

"Whoa, you're awesome, Wonwoo. I can't believe you're doing this." Soonyoung puts his hand on his mouth. "We miss you."

"I miss you guys too." He says, smiling. He misses his friends so much. He really does. If only he can ask them to enjoy London with him. "I have to call Seokmin next. Bye guys."

Soonyoung looks like he's about to ask something but stops himself, probably realizing that they specifically told him to go to London to clear his head. Wonwoo knows him too well. It will be useless if they're going to talk about him again. Soonyoung waves his hand, Jihoon too, as he peeks from behind his boyfriend. "Bye, Won! See you soon!"

  
•••

  
Wonwoo posts about London Bridge on Instagram, with a caption singing the famous nursery rhyme. Soonyoung comments a crying emoji, and to never forget him. He then replies about Soonyoung being an overreacting shit to which Jihoon and Seokmin agree with.

He fixes his itinerary and reschedules the Broadway show to January. Maybe he can get cheaper tickets if he lets the holidays pass first. Obviously he's not in a tight budget, but he wants to apply to himself the things he learned from the book about budgeting which he read months ago. Now that he has lots of time in his hands, he's also planning to explore outside of London and fly to Amsterdam and Prague.

Wonwoo has never felt this free before.

  
•••

  
The next few days went by really fast, and now Wonwoo is checking out and moving in to his temporary shelter for a month. He spent his last two days in the hotel using their amenities and thanking Soonyoung for being the best best friend ever.

He hasn't really shopped for new clothes, afraid that it might disadvantage him when he comes back to Seoul, since he's also going to buy gifts for his family and friends. He found a laundry shop near the dorms so definitely it will be a part of his weekend trips. He can buy an outfit or two, depending how much he can spend for excess baggage.

After getting the keys from the landlady, he drags his suitcase to the elevators. He will be staying on the fifth floor, at the end of the right wing. He just wishes he doesn't need to interact with his neighbors. It's the one thing he liked when he got his penthouse.

But right now, he's not that lucky. As soon as he inserts the key, the door to his right opens, revealing a girl wearing eyeglasses and her pjs. She smiles at him, leaning on her own doorframe. Wonwoo gives her a polite smile back, about to push the door open when she speaks up.

"You must be the guy Mrs. Walters was talking about last week." She says. She doesn't sound mocking, or anything. Just plain curious. "You're just here for a month?"

Wonwoo nods. "Yes."

"I'm Carol Rogers, by the way." She introduces, stepping forward to hand out her hand to him for a handshake. Wonwoo stares down at her hand, not really sure if he's going to take it. "Oh, not comfortable? It's okay."

She looks a little disappointed about that and drops her hand, so Wonwoo just takes the leap and says, "I'm Wonwoo Jeon."

"Where are you from?"

"South Korea."

Her mouth forms an 'o'. "That's cool. I have friends who like K-pop and Korean dramas."

"It's nice to hear that our culture's kinda popular internationally." He says, and it surprises him how he became comfortable with talking to a complete stranger, it only took him minutes. Maybe it has something to do with staying alone in a foreign country, when he has to approach some people to ask for directions if his Google maps wouldn't respond. It's weird, and a little scary.

She nods and smiles again. "Well, I don't want to keep you for long. You look like you want to take a rest. Nice to meet you, by the way."

"Yeah, likewise." He says, and finally opens the door to reveal his room.

It's just a small space, enough for a bed, cabinet, small kitchen and bathroom to fit. Good thing there's a wooden circular table that can be used for eating. It's not like he's going to spend much time there anyways.

He lists off the things he needs, like a new bedsheet, some cleaning supplies that can last for a month, and other necessities. He sighs, realizing that it's harder than he thought. Well, at least it's just a very small room that won't tire him out when he cleans it.

He spends the rest of his day shopping in the department store and supermarket, and by the time he goes home he's dead tired but still videocalls his best friends.

"Are you sure that's what you really want to do?" Soonyoung teases, when he sees Wonwoo's haggard face on the screen.

Wonwoo groans. "Shut up, I feel like a real college student right now. I'm so tired."

"You're a college student though." Seokmin says. "Just living like a rich bachelor."

"Your room is really small." Jihoon notices, when Wonwoo shows them the whole room. "Are the walls thick? Is it safe?"

"The walls? I don't think so. But I'm sure it's safe." Wonwoo shrugs. He really doesn't care, as long as he gets a peaceful sleep after wandering around London. "My room's at the end of the hallway. There's a girl living beside me."

"Oh, a girl. Is she cute?" Seokmin asks, more enthusiastic as usual. Wonwoo has to roll his eyes.

"She is, I guess. We only got to talk for a minute."

"Hey, be safe alright?" Soonyoung reminds him. "You're alone there, so please take care of yourself."

Wonwoo grins at his best friends. "I know."

  
•••

  
It's New Years Eve, and by doing some research he finds out that people go to Big Ben to celebrate. So he's going there tonight, and he hopes that he gets the best view.

The clock says it's three pm, so it's already New Years back home. That also means he's a year older, though not wiser. His phone gets tons of notifications from his family and friends, and he laughs as he watches the video message sent by Soonyoung.

"Hi Won! It's already New Years here! Happy New Year!" He screams, and lifts his phone to show the people on his back. So they got to celebrate together, his best friends and their families and his. He's a little jealous, but having this experience is just once in a lifetime.

He records a video of himself, here in his small room, wishing them a happy new year, and sends it to their group chat. He's going to send another one when he arrives at Big Ben.

He decides to just go out and commute right now, and when he steps out of his room, he sees Carol locking her room and dressed up.

"Oh hi, are you celebrating outside?" She asks, smiling.

He grips on the strap of his camera bag a little bit tightly. "Uh, yeah. I'm going to Big Ben."

"Me too! I'm actually meeting my friends there, do you want us to go together?" She asks once again, her face lighting up upon hearing his answer.

Alarms ring on Wonwoo's head. Never go anywhere with strangers, right? And he's not friendly, he pushes people away, and he's boring. It should be easy to say no. He always does that.

She then frowns, and Wonwoo feels bad all of a sudden, which is very, very strange. "If you're not comfortable with that, it's okay —"

"I'll go with you."

Okay, what the fuck did Wonwoo just say.

Carol claps her hands in excitement, hops to his side and hooks their arms together. Everything happens so fast, that the next thing Wonwoo knows he's being dragged to the bus station.

As soon as they both sit at the far back of the bus, Carol starts telling him about herself — she's a year older than him, she's studying journalism, and that her thesis is about to kill her soon. Wonwoo tells her little facts about himself, well obviously because she's still a stranger and he's being careful. She seems okay, but he's still wary.

When they arrive, Carol calls her friends which should be Wonwoo's cue to leave, but she holds him back. She ends the call and tells him that her friends will be coming after an hour. Wonwoo tries not to appear nervous about it, but then she stares at his face and begins to laugh.

"Oh my god! Are you seriously thinking I'm a criminal or something?" She covers her mouth with her hand, but still unable to hide the laugh.

Wonwoo splutters. "I — what?"

"Look," she starts, opening her bag and showing him her wallet with her driver's license. "That's me. Carol Rogers. I can also show you my school ID, just so you would believe me."

"People can easily fake documents now." He says without thinking, and with the way Carol is looking at him, he probably looks like an idiot right now.

"I really can't blame you for that." She says, reaching out and patting his shoulder. "I mean, you're here, in a different country, with a stranger. It's not wrong to think of that way. You're just being careful."

Wonwoo looks down. He feels really guilty because Carol seems genuine. "Did I offend you?"

"Oh, you didn't. Don't worry about that." She says. "But if you think I'm dangerous and will harm you, you can just scream right here. It's going to be crowded later on and everyone will hear you."

"I'm sorry." Wonwoo sighs in defeat. His brain-to-mouth filter will never be fixed. Ever. "I'm not really good with people."

"Yeah, you look like one. But it's okay, you're not the only one." She assures that Wonwoo even chuckles at that. He remembers someone telling him the same thing. "I'm sure you'll have fun tonight. Want to grab some burger and fries?"

  
•••

  
It was indeed fun. Carol even ditched her friends for him that he actually felt bad.

"Nah, they can live without me. I don't want you to celebrate alone."

The clock turned twelve and made this very loud sound that Wonwoo had to cover his ears, combined with the fireworks shooting up to the sky. Carol leaned to him and gave him a friendly hug, whispering to his ear that she's really happy to be able to celebrate New Year with a new friend, and that she hopes that he's happy as well.

Wonwoo hated to admit, but he was happy too.

He didn't fail taking some photos and videos for everyone back home, some of it had Carol photobombing.

He plops down to his bed, and takes out his neglected phone from his jeans pockets. Carol was a little drunk when they got home, giggling as she waved at him and said, "The criminal says good night, Wonwoo."

Wonwoo got several messages again; and he lazily scrolls past them until he spots Mingyu's name. As per the message preview, it's a voice message.

He swallows a huge lump in his throat as he clicks it open, and goddamnit, it's not a simple happy new year message that can take a maximum of ten seconds. It's more than five minutes. That only means it's way more than just a holiday greeting.

But he takes the courage, as someone miles away from home — from Mingyu — and presses play.

"Hi Wonwoo hyung, it's Mingyu. Hah, of course you know it's gonna be me, I sent this to you." He slurs, at which Wonwoo concludes that he's drunk. "I heard from Junhui hyung that you're in London right now. I also saw your Instagram posts, I can't follow you so I always borrow hyung's phone to see if you posted."

Wonwoo sets the volume higher, and drops it on his bed so he can lean onto the wall and suffer alone. He hugs his knees closer to his chest, while Mingyu continues to speak.

"Junhui hyung just left to see Yeonjung and I've never felt so alone in my life. I don't want to think about you anymore but I can't stop myself. Fuck, I can't stop myself. I want to ask you if you're doing okay there, if you're eating well, if you're taking your medicine regularly — I just — I miss you so much, hyung. So much that I feel like I'm going to burst. Do you know how many times I tried to text you? But I couldn't. I always chickened out. That I even needed alcohol to fucking send you a damn voice message."

Wonwoo's tears start falling from his eyes when Mingyu laughs sadly, and he has to bury his face on his knees just so he doesn't sob out loud. He misses Mingyu too, so much. But he's here, in London, having the time of his life, while Mingyu is suffering in Seoul. Because of his own selfishness.

"Wonwoo hyung, I love you so much. I love you even though you don't want to return it." He sniffles. Wonwoo clutches his head, suddenly feeling nauseous. "I never got the chance to say these words to you before because I was too emotional, too mad at myself, and too scared of losing you completely."

Mingyu sounds more sober now. Wonwoo wants to stop the recording, but his hand can't even reach out to grab his phone, that he ends up hearing the rest of the message.

"Fuck, I'm really sorry. You're probably not in good shape right now and I'm dumping everything on you. I'm so sorry, hyung. You don't deserve this."

But Wonwoo deserves this. He deserves to be hurt. Because he hurt people too.

"But still, I badly want you to know that. As selfish as it sounds, I think I have to tell you everything just so I can finally move on from you." He murmurs; and Wonwoo feels like he's going to faint. "I want you to be happy, hyung. Even though you rejected me, I still wish the best for you. And if it's too much to ask, after all of this can we still be friends? You're an important friend, hyung. I can't just simply ignore how good of a person you are."

Wonwoo thinks otherwise.

There's another drunk chuckle. "Bye hyung. This will probably be my last message for now. Be safe there, alright? Don't skip meals. Enjoy London. And — and —"

And what? What?

"Forgive yourself, hyung."


End file.
